Thursday, December 23, 2010
Friday, December 3, 2010
Our Christmas Wish- He Said and She Said
December 2010 – Larry Oldham and Dena Hill
Christmas comes only one time a year, so we take this
month off from our petty differences and petty whining
to be thankful for all the things that God has truly
blessed us with this year. We both have been in good
health, our children have been successful and happy,
and Sophie, Dena's poodle has been telling her that
she feels pretty good this year also. Seriously though,
we would like to take the time to thank you for all
your emails, calls, text, and comments all through
the year about the columns. People stop us on the
street almost on a daily basis and tell us they
agreed or disagreed with one of us. Most of the time
they disagree with me but that is OK because I am
not the easiest person in the world to live with.
But this December column is not about disagreement.
Today we want to offer you our Christmas Wish list.
First of all we wish that everyone would thank God
for giving us his son and that everyone would think
about the real purpose of celebrating Christmas. We
would wish for world peace and that hunger could be
eliminated all across the land. We would wish for
Cancer to be eliminated around the world and that
scientist could find a cure for all diseases that
affect our lives. We would wish for world peace in
all the families around the world, that people could
live together without conflict and without bickering.
We would wish that everyone love each other through-
out the world everyday, just not at Christmas time.
We would wish that everyone could celebrate their
religion in every part of the world and have the
freedom to live their lives as they so desire. We
would wish that the homeless could find shelter,
that the hungry could find a way to nurture themselves
on a daily basis. We would wish that everyone could
find jobs so that we all could live the American
dream and have provisions for their families. We
would wish that manners would come back into style
and that people would respect one another on an
everyday basis. We would wish that people would
understand that when they are fussing and fighting
with each other they are affecting the mindset of
their children who are taking in every word of their
argument. We would wish that everyone could
find a place in their heart to forgive others and
live by the Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you
would have them do unto you”. And finally we would
wish that the spirit of Christmas could come into our
lives everyday, not just for one day, but throughout
the whole year.
Please continue to follow the column. We hope you know
that we love each other very much and thatwe love all
of you for making He Said She Said possible. Most of
the ideas in our column are experiences that we all
share everyday in our daily lives. We are just able
to write ours down on paper and by doing so, letting
you know that we all as humans have frailties,
differences, and challenges.
As we share this Christmas season our wish would be
that we all remember the reason for the season.
Tell your friends and relatives that you love them,
go to Church and thank God for all that he has given
you this year. Pray for friends that need your prayers.
Have peace in your life throughout this year.
This is our Christmas Wish.
Merry Christmas from Larry Oldham and Dena Hill-
He Said She Said
Christmas comes only one time a year, so we take this
month off from our petty differences and petty whining
to be thankful for all the things that God has truly
blessed us with this year. We both have been in good
health, our children have been successful and happy,
and Sophie, Dena's poodle has been telling her that
she feels pretty good this year also. Seriously though,
we would like to take the time to thank you for all
your emails, calls, text, and comments all through
the year about the columns. People stop us on the
street almost on a daily basis and tell us they
agreed or disagreed with one of us. Most of the time
they disagree with me but that is OK because I am
not the easiest person in the world to live with.
But this December column is not about disagreement.
Today we want to offer you our Christmas Wish list.
First of all we wish that everyone would thank God
for giving us his son and that everyone would think
about the real purpose of celebrating Christmas. We
would wish for world peace and that hunger could be
eliminated all across the land. We would wish for
Cancer to be eliminated around the world and that
scientist could find a cure for all diseases that
affect our lives. We would wish for world peace in
all the families around the world, that people could
live together without conflict and without bickering.
We would wish that everyone love each other through-
out the world everyday, just not at Christmas time.
We would wish that everyone could celebrate their
religion in every part of the world and have the
freedom to live their lives as they so desire. We
would wish that the homeless could find shelter,
that the hungry could find a way to nurture themselves
on a daily basis. We would wish that everyone could
find jobs so that we all could live the American
dream and have provisions for their families. We
would wish that manners would come back into style
and that people would respect one another on an
everyday basis. We would wish that people would
understand that when they are fussing and fighting
with each other they are affecting the mindset of
their children who are taking in every word of their
argument. We would wish that everyone could
find a place in their heart to forgive others and
live by the Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you
would have them do unto you”. And finally we would
wish that the spirit of Christmas could come into our
lives everyday, not just for one day, but throughout
the whole year.
Please continue to follow the column. We hope you know
that we love each other very much and thatwe love all
of you for making He Said She Said possible. Most of
the ideas in our column are experiences that we all
share everyday in our daily lives. We are just able
to write ours down on paper and by doing so, letting
you know that we all as humans have frailties,
differences, and challenges.
As we share this Christmas season our wish would be
that we all remember the reason for the season.
Tell your friends and relatives that you love them,
go to Church and thank God for all that he has given
you this year. Pray for friends that need your prayers.
Have peace in your life throughout this year.
This is our Christmas Wish.
Merry Christmas from Larry Oldham and Dena Hill-
He Said She Said
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Getting the Facts Straight
November 2010
He Said
All over the world people are concerned about conserving
energy, going green,saving the trees, conserving water,
and cutting off the lights. But not in her house. She has
lights set up in the dog's room to come on and off by a
timer whether we are there are not. She doesn't want the
pooch wandering around in the dark looking for her favorite
toy, poor thing!. There is a light in the dining room, also
on a timer, that comes on at dusk and turns off sometime in
the middle of the night. There is a light in the foyer, also
on a timer, that comes on at dark and stays on till late at
night. There is a night light in the bathroom, the spare
bathroom I might add, that stays on all night. When she
enters a room she turns on the light. When she enters another
room she turns on the light. None of these lights get turned
off until she is ready to go to bed. When I ask her about
conserving energy, her response is usually something like a
light bulb cost about fifty cents to burn all month. When I
ask her where she gets her information, she says the Internet.
As we all know the Internet is now our main source of knowledge.
We also know that the Internet information highway is strewn with
not only useless information, but also misguided information.
I am not saying that the fifty cents guideline is wrong,
but as my Mother use to say," a penny saved is a penny earned".
I have noticed that since the time we have dated,her children
have learned well from their mother. No light in the house is
ever turned off until bedtime. Her other response is she wants
to have the house look lived in. "If all the lights are out in
the house, the house looks unhealthy" , she says. I guess to me
getting a five hundred dollar light bill every month would make
me and my wallet feel unhealthy.
She Said
I love Thomas Kincaid's paintings and the closest I'm going
to get to a serene setting like that is by leaving a few lights
on here and there. Which is more inviting...a dark, gloomy
house that is an invitation to be broken into or a home glowing
with lights and warmth from a fire in the fireplace and
maybe even soft music playing. Who wants to walk around
in a house stumbling over chairs, bumping into doors, or
tripping over someone's shoes who couldn't quite find a place
for them other than in the middle of the floor? Mr. Scrooge
wants everything turned off as a person leaves the room and
turned on again when they come back. Have you seen the TV
commercial of the man who goes around the house unplugging
lights, coffee maker, toaster, radio, TV, etc., to save
electricity? You wrote that ad didn't you, Mr. Ad Man?
Who is going to crawl behind the sofa, bed, kitchen cabinet,
etc, to plug them back in when they are needed again?
I remember going to my Dad's in Virginia Beach on weekends
from college and when we drove up, all the yard lights
were on as well as the lights inside. What a welcome home!
It just wouldn't have been the same if I drove up to
a dark house. As far as my kids go, if leaving lights
on is something they learned from me then I'll take it
as a compliment that maybe some other things I taught
them are etched in their minds.
He Said
All over the world people are concerned about conserving
energy, going green,saving the trees, conserving water,
and cutting off the lights. But not in her house. She has
lights set up in the dog's room to come on and off by a
timer whether we are there are not. She doesn't want the
pooch wandering around in the dark looking for her favorite
toy, poor thing!. There is a light in the dining room, also
on a timer, that comes on at dusk and turns off sometime in
the middle of the night. There is a light in the foyer, also
on a timer, that comes on at dark and stays on till late at
night. There is a night light in the bathroom, the spare
bathroom I might add, that stays on all night. When she
enters a room she turns on the light. When she enters another
room she turns on the light. None of these lights get turned
off until she is ready to go to bed. When I ask her about
conserving energy, her response is usually something like a
light bulb cost about fifty cents to burn all month. When I
ask her where she gets her information, she says the Internet.
As we all know the Internet is now our main source of knowledge.
We also know that the Internet information highway is strewn with
not only useless information, but also misguided information.
I am not saying that the fifty cents guideline is wrong,
but as my Mother use to say," a penny saved is a penny earned".
I have noticed that since the time we have dated,her children
have learned well from their mother. No light in the house is
ever turned off until bedtime. Her other response is she wants
to have the house look lived in. "If all the lights are out in
the house, the house looks unhealthy" , she says. I guess to me
getting a five hundred dollar light bill every month would make
me and my wallet feel unhealthy.
She Said
I love Thomas Kincaid's paintings and the closest I'm going
to get to a serene setting like that is by leaving a few lights
on here and there. Which is more inviting...a dark, gloomy
house that is an invitation to be broken into or a home glowing
with lights and warmth from a fire in the fireplace and
maybe even soft music playing. Who wants to walk around
in a house stumbling over chairs, bumping into doors, or
tripping over someone's shoes who couldn't quite find a place
for them other than in the middle of the floor? Mr. Scrooge
wants everything turned off as a person leaves the room and
turned on again when they come back. Have you seen the TV
commercial of the man who goes around the house unplugging
lights, coffee maker, toaster, radio, TV, etc., to save
electricity? You wrote that ad didn't you, Mr. Ad Man?
Who is going to crawl behind the sofa, bed, kitchen cabinet,
etc, to plug them back in when they are needed again?
I remember going to my Dad's in Virginia Beach on weekends
from college and when we drove up, all the yard lights
were on as well as the lights inside. What a welcome home!
It just wouldn't have been the same if I drove up to
a dark house. As far as my kids go, if leaving lights
on is something they learned from me then I'll take it
as a compliment that maybe some other things I taught
them are etched in their minds.
The Look of Love
He Said
Men and women have always seen the world though different
eyes. She and I can look at the horizon on the beach and
she sees a beautiful golden sun rising over the deep blue
ocean. I see a sailor’s lament “ RED SKY IN THE MORNING,
SAILORS TAKE WARNING. RED SKY AT NIGHT, SAILOR’S DELIGHT”.
She and I can also listen to the same conversation and
come up with entirely different interpretations. How can
this be? We both hear the same conversation and two minutes
later we are discussing the message from two different
perspectives. The other morning I stopped by her house
for breakfast. I kissed her good morning, we chatted a bit,
and ate breakfast together . I kissed her goodbye and left
for work. Later that night we were eating dinner together
and I ask her if she noticed anything different about me.
She said, “now that you mention it, it does look like you
have lost a few pounds”.
" A few pounds, my foot! I shaved my beard off two days
ago and you haven't even noticed!" I said. Now in case you
have missed the point, she can look at me, kiss me, hug me,
talk to me, sit across from me at the table for a couple of
meals and never really see me. I have had this growth on my
face for years. The moral of this rant is this. Your better
half can look at you and never see you. Or to put it another
way, they may only see the part of you that they want to see.
She could be looking right through me because she doesn’t want
to see me. I can guarantee you one thing. If she ever grows a
beard, Mr. Observant here will be the first to know it, and
believe you me, I will tell her.
She Said
Why is everything always all about you? Did it ever occur to
you that I may have had my mind on other things: like work,
what to wear, is it a bad hair day, or does Sophie need
anything before I leave? I mean important things! You can
shave your beard and it grows back in two days so what have
I missed? Sure, we see things differently. That just means
that I'm right and you're wrong but since I choose my battles,
I just keep quiet most of the time. That's a pretty deep
thought...I look at you and don't really "see" you. When I
look at you, I see a gentle, loving man who cares deeply
about his family, his work, his church, and his friends.
I see someone with a passion for shopping, collecting
"trinkets", listening to music, and joking around with
everyone. I see someone who has a lot of talent in the
field of art but won't develop it. I see a man who hates
exercise but loves to eat and also one who would rather
be inside than outside. I see you as extremely
argumentative when you really don't care about the
opposing side; you just want to ignite controversy.
So if I don't know whether you have bristles on your
face or not from one day to the next, what does it
matter? I do see the real you. I think your face looks
nice albeit with years of expression lines (wrinkles);
but I like the beard too. Maybe you can grow it back
by winter so it'll keep your face warm. By the way...did
you notice that I cleaned the house, cut the grass,
chopped down weeds in the back yard, fixed dinner,
washed and ironed clothes, and did the grocery shopping?
I didn't think so
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Hot Diggitty Dog
He Said
My mother always told me that opposites attract.
I guess this means I will marry someone
who is a polar opposite of me. Trying to put
all of this into context with my fiancé, I have
come up with either a great discovery or I'm
barking up the wrong tree.(No pun intended).
She does not like hot dogs. Following my
mother’s logic, this is a good thing. Using common
sense dictates that I have to be awfully
careful in determining how I can possibly marry a
girl who hates hot dogs? I love everything else
about her. She is a gracious, giving, and caring
person but how do you live with someone who hates
Yum Yum hot dogs? If you don’t know this by now,
"Yum Yum Better Ice Cream," the official name of the diner
in Greensboro, has the best hot dogs In the Universe.
They have home made chili, homemade slaw, onions cut up
just right, and some of the best hot dog wieners you
have ever tasted in your life. She won’t eat them.
She refuses to even go in the place because it makes
her smell like a hot dog. I go in there dressed
only in Speedo’s because I WANT to go home smelling
like the best hot dog in the world. That way I can
enjoy it longer. (I might have stretched that
last part by a tad.) I don’t have Speedo’s and if
I did, I would not go out in public, but that's
another column. So I share with you my dilemma.
Do I marry a wholesome, talented, beautiful woman
who hates hot dogs? Am I making too big a deal about
this situation? Do I send her to hot dog culinary
school to learn about the finer taste in life? Do I
just drop the subject all together and continue to
sneak a dog when I can?
She Said
If you ask me this whole column has gone to the dogs.
The trouble with you is that you are so involved with
yourself, that you cannot for the life of you see
what's going on around you. When did I say that I
did not like hot dogs? Charlottesville, Virginia Beach,
Charlotte, Greensboro, Myrtle Beach, and Emporia all
have one thing in common. Can you, in your small
minded world, imagine any common thread, that would bring
all these cities together in two little words?
Question #1 is "which dining establishment is
located in all of these cities?" Question # 2 is
"what do I order in this restaurant every
single time?" Questioni #3 “why do I order this?
Can you say “Five Guys”? I love their hot dogs!!
There! I said it and now we can get married if
that is your only holdup. Your problem seems
to be that you want me to love all hot dogs
the same. I personally cannot see why
anyone would want to eat a red hot dog.
Exactly what is in it? I've heard that all
the left over parts of pigs, chickens, roosters,
cows and turkey is what makes up a red
hot dog, and as much as I love you, I am
not eating pig snouts churned into red hot
dogs. For the record, I guarantee you that
we are opposites. I don’t force myself to
be opposite from you; it just comes naturally.
As a matter of fact, you might inform your mother that
you could marry anyone in the world based on
her opposite premise, because honestly you are
the opposite of everyone on this planet. Maybe
that is why I am so attracted to you.
Now let’s go get a hot dog, honey. Just make
sure it’s a Five Guys hot dog or you may find
yourself barking up someone else's tree.
My mother always told me that opposites attract.
I guess this means I will marry someone
who is a polar opposite of me. Trying to put
all of this into context with my fiancé, I have
come up with either a great discovery or I'm
barking up the wrong tree.(No pun intended).
She does not like hot dogs. Following my
mother’s logic, this is a good thing. Using common
sense dictates that I have to be awfully
careful in determining how I can possibly marry a
girl who hates hot dogs? I love everything else
about her. She is a gracious, giving, and caring
person but how do you live with someone who hates
Yum Yum hot dogs? If you don’t know this by now,
"Yum Yum Better Ice Cream," the official name of the diner
in Greensboro, has the best hot dogs In the Universe.
They have home made chili, homemade slaw, onions cut up
just right, and some of the best hot dog wieners you
have ever tasted in your life. She won’t eat them.
She refuses to even go in the place because it makes
her smell like a hot dog. I go in there dressed
only in Speedo’s because I WANT to go home smelling
like the best hot dog in the world. That way I can
enjoy it longer. (I might have stretched that
last part by a tad.) I don’t have Speedo’s and if
I did, I would not go out in public, but that's
another column. So I share with you my dilemma.
Do I marry a wholesome, talented, beautiful woman
who hates hot dogs? Am I making too big a deal about
this situation? Do I send her to hot dog culinary
school to learn about the finer taste in life? Do I
just drop the subject all together and continue to
sneak a dog when I can?
She Said
If you ask me this whole column has gone to the dogs.
The trouble with you is that you are so involved with
yourself, that you cannot for the life of you see
what's going on around you. When did I say that I
did not like hot dogs? Charlottesville, Virginia Beach,
Charlotte, Greensboro, Myrtle Beach, and Emporia all
have one thing in common. Can you, in your small
minded world, imagine any common thread, that would bring
all these cities together in two little words?
Question #1 is "which dining establishment is
located in all of these cities?" Question # 2 is
"what do I order in this restaurant every
single time?" Questioni #3 “why do I order this?
Can you say “Five Guys”? I love their hot dogs!!
There! I said it and now we can get married if
that is your only holdup. Your problem seems
to be that you want me to love all hot dogs
the same. I personally cannot see why
anyone would want to eat a red hot dog.
Exactly what is in it? I've heard that all
the left over parts of pigs, chickens, roosters,
cows and turkey is what makes up a red
hot dog, and as much as I love you, I am
not eating pig snouts churned into red hot
dogs. For the record, I guarantee you that
we are opposites. I don’t force myself to
be opposite from you; it just comes naturally.
As a matter of fact, you might inform your mother that
you could marry anyone in the world based on
her opposite premise, because honestly you are
the opposite of everyone on this planet. Maybe
that is why I am so attracted to you.
Now let’s go get a hot dog, honey. Just make
sure it’s a Five Guys hot dog or you may find
yourself barking up someone else's tree.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Painting the Town
He Said She Said – Showcase Magazine August 2010 –
He Said
In July she had a few weeks off and I casually asked
her what we would be doing. This is the time when
families take vacations and spend quality time
together....and we have. She is up on a ladder
painting and I am drinking tea and reading my book.
I don't want you to think this is another woe is me
column because it isn't. She is perfectly happy painting
and I am perfectly happy watching. Before you start
cheering for her and booing for me, let's look at the
whole picture. The only person that I know of who
ever liked her purple living room was she and several
people who came by and lied to her. Who paints
their living room purple? She has told me that she
is out of her purple stage and into her teal stage.
There is a hint of teal in all rooms. All of this is
fine with me and I am not complaining. OK , one little
complaint, or maybe two. One living room, seven trips
to the paint store, one reupholstered couch to
match the new living room color, four hours on the
computer looking up matching materials, two trips
to Greensboro to look at patterns, twelve phone calls
looking for just the right upholsterer to do a good
job, three trips to stores to find the correct matching
pillows, two days of painting, opening up the freezer
door to get ice cream and finding used paint brushes
instead, three hours of moving and removing furniture,
and several hours of sitting in the living room oohing
and ahhing. She came in this week and said “since you
liked it so much better than before, I have decided to
paint one or two of the other rooms this summer.”
I have been on the phone all morning trying to book
a flight to Anywhere, USA.
She Said
Would you like some crackers with that whine?
I agree with some of the things you are saying
but I do not totally agree with the others.
Just to set the story straight, let me give
you my version of what really took place in July.
You had not mentioned the cruise line trip. You
had not mentioned going anywhere on vacation.
You had not offered to take me anywhere special
to dine. You had not even hinted about building
a Florida room. There has been no mention of a
new car, going to New York, going to visit my
girlfriend in Atlanta, or even going to Bubba's
for ice cream. I happen to know that the important
things in your life are eating, reading, working,
and sitting, in that order. A girl needs a little
color in her life. She needs brightness, pizazz,
excitement, change, newness, and I am not talking
about a new boyfriend. You are content to sit and read.
You are content to just drink your tea and tell me
long tales about your adventures(going to Ma Possum's for lunch).
I have chosen to take another route and add spice to
my life. A new paint job to me is like a new book to you.
I know you feel guilty because I cut down all the
shubbery, trimmed back all the trees, planted new
flowers, cut back all the ivy on the wall, and
you didn't get to help.(lol). You did volunteer
to paint, but you would have gotten it on everything
except the walls, complained the whole time about
having to paint, and after we were finished, you
would have told everyone on facebook and in this
column how hard I made you work. It is just not
worth it to hear you whine. So if you will excuse
me, I have got to run over to the paint store
for some more paint. Oh did I happen to mention
how cute the guy was in the paint department?
He Said
In July she had a few weeks off and I casually asked
her what we would be doing. This is the time when
families take vacations and spend quality time
together....and we have. She is up on a ladder
painting and I am drinking tea and reading my book.
I don't want you to think this is another woe is me
column because it isn't. She is perfectly happy painting
and I am perfectly happy watching. Before you start
cheering for her and booing for me, let's look at the
whole picture. The only person that I know of who
ever liked her purple living room was she and several
people who came by and lied to her. Who paints
their living room purple? She has told me that she
is out of her purple stage and into her teal stage.
There is a hint of teal in all rooms. All of this is
fine with me and I am not complaining. OK , one little
complaint, or maybe two. One living room, seven trips
to the paint store, one reupholstered couch to
match the new living room color, four hours on the
computer looking up matching materials, two trips
to Greensboro to look at patterns, twelve phone calls
looking for just the right upholsterer to do a good
job, three trips to stores to find the correct matching
pillows, two days of painting, opening up the freezer
door to get ice cream and finding used paint brushes
instead, three hours of moving and removing furniture,
and several hours of sitting in the living room oohing
and ahhing. She came in this week and said “since you
liked it so much better than before, I have decided to
paint one or two of the other rooms this summer.”
I have been on the phone all morning trying to book
a flight to Anywhere, USA.
She Said
Would you like some crackers with that whine?
I agree with some of the things you are saying
but I do not totally agree with the others.
Just to set the story straight, let me give
you my version of what really took place in July.
You had not mentioned the cruise line trip. You
had not mentioned going anywhere on vacation.
You had not offered to take me anywhere special
to dine. You had not even hinted about building
a Florida room. There has been no mention of a
new car, going to New York, going to visit my
girlfriend in Atlanta, or even going to Bubba's
for ice cream. I happen to know that the important
things in your life are eating, reading, working,
and sitting, in that order. A girl needs a little
color in her life. She needs brightness, pizazz,
excitement, change, newness, and I am not talking
about a new boyfriend. You are content to sit and read.
You are content to just drink your tea and tell me
long tales about your adventures(going to Ma Possum's for lunch).
I have chosen to take another route and add spice to
my life. A new paint job to me is like a new book to you.
I know you feel guilty because I cut down all the
shubbery, trimmed back all the trees, planted new
flowers, cut back all the ivy on the wall, and
you didn't get to help.(lol). You did volunteer
to paint, but you would have gotten it on everything
except the walls, complained the whole time about
having to paint, and after we were finished, you
would have told everyone on facebook and in this
column how hard I made you work. It is just not
worth it to hear you whine. So if you will excuse
me, I have got to run over to the paint store
for some more paint. Oh did I happen to mention
how cute the guy was in the paint department?
The Big Bang Theory
He Said She Said July Showcase Magazine 2010
He Said
The month of July to me usually means food at mom's
house, watermelon, homemade ice cream,
hot dogs, the American Flag, and sometimes patriotic
speeches.
To you it only means one thing. The height of your
year means fireworks on the 4th of July....all night
long. You want to leave one display and hit the road
searching for another one. I love you and all that;
I would do anything for you and you must admit I usually do.
As you know, I always go to the fireworks displays, just
to please you. Just so you know...I never enjoy them.
I remember last year I took a book and a flashlight.
What do you get out of it? It is loud. It makes you
craine your neck all night and I keep hearing the same
phrase : "that one is pretty, this one was not a pretty
as the last one, oh, did you see how spectacular that
one was, and oh, I just loved that one." How am I
suppose to read my book with you asking or telling me a
play by play of the fireworks. I personally think fireworks
are too expensive, offer no social redeeming value, and the
noise renders my hearing mute for two days. The people
beside us are talking too loudly, oohing and ahhing all night,
their dog is barking or yelping, their
children are crying, screaming, or asking for something
to drink all night long. I am as patriotic
as the next guy, but this year instead of going to see
the fireworks let's just go bowling. If there is
going to be noise, it might as well be those bowling
pins crashing down where we can at least hear
loud noises while sitting in a air conditioned lounge.
We can wear those patriotic t-shirts you bought us
last year and play country patriotic songs on the jukebox.
I know these words are futile. I know we don't bowl.
I know we will be sitting on a blanket on some
dark hill, craining my neck, shooing away flies, sweat
pouring down my face, my rear end completely
numb, my throat parched, my eardrums busted, and my
head throbbing.
Oh well, when you turn to me and ask " are you having fun?"
I will just smile at you and say," Oh, did you see how
pretty that one was."
She Said
You are so full of it! If I had any idea that I've
been dragging you kicking and screeming to fireworks'
displays, I'd have left you at home. You're a people
person and can't wait to mix with a crowd just for
the social aspects. Half of the time you don't even
know there are fireworks going on because I can't
hear them over the sound of your voice talking with
whoever is beside you. For arguments' sake, let's
just say you do know it's July 4th. I really don't
think our forefathers were focused on hot dogs,
ice cream, watermelon, or mosquitos. They had more
important events planned. I'm having a hard time
picturing Abraham Lincoln complaining about no
air conditioning while swatting flies that are
consuming his hot dog! We're talking about a
man who was for the most part self educated by
light from a fireplace. He had several failed
jobs before entering the political arena but
he pursued his dream of making the world a better
place for future generations. So for July 4th,
why not thank our forefathers for leading us to
where we are today instead of whining about a
little noise that comes from a few fireworks.
You should be ashamed of yourself!
He Said
The month of July to me usually means food at mom's
house, watermelon, homemade ice cream,
hot dogs, the American Flag, and sometimes patriotic
speeches.
To you it only means one thing. The height of your
year means fireworks on the 4th of July....all night
long. You want to leave one display and hit the road
searching for another one. I love you and all that;
I would do anything for you and you must admit I usually do.
As you know, I always go to the fireworks displays, just
to please you. Just so you know...I never enjoy them.
I remember last year I took a book and a flashlight.
What do you get out of it? It is loud. It makes you
craine your neck all night and I keep hearing the same
phrase : "that one is pretty, this one was not a pretty
as the last one, oh, did you see how spectacular that
one was, and oh, I just loved that one." How am I
suppose to read my book with you asking or telling me a
play by play of the fireworks. I personally think fireworks
are too expensive, offer no social redeeming value, and the
noise renders my hearing mute for two days. The people
beside us are talking too loudly, oohing and ahhing all night,
their dog is barking or yelping, their
children are crying, screaming, or asking for something
to drink all night long. I am as patriotic
as the next guy, but this year instead of going to see
the fireworks let's just go bowling. If there is
going to be noise, it might as well be those bowling
pins crashing down where we can at least hear
loud noises while sitting in a air conditioned lounge.
We can wear those patriotic t-shirts you bought us
last year and play country patriotic songs on the jukebox.
I know these words are futile. I know we don't bowl.
I know we will be sitting on a blanket on some
dark hill, craining my neck, shooing away flies, sweat
pouring down my face, my rear end completely
numb, my throat parched, my eardrums busted, and my
head throbbing.
Oh well, when you turn to me and ask " are you having fun?"
I will just smile at you and say," Oh, did you see how
pretty that one was."
She Said
You are so full of it! If I had any idea that I've
been dragging you kicking and screeming to fireworks'
displays, I'd have left you at home. You're a people
person and can't wait to mix with a crowd just for
the social aspects. Half of the time you don't even
know there are fireworks going on because I can't
hear them over the sound of your voice talking with
whoever is beside you. For arguments' sake, let's
just say you do know it's July 4th. I really don't
think our forefathers were focused on hot dogs,
ice cream, watermelon, or mosquitos. They had more
important events planned. I'm having a hard time
picturing Abraham Lincoln complaining about no
air conditioning while swatting flies that are
consuming his hot dog! We're talking about a
man who was for the most part self educated by
light from a fireplace. He had several failed
jobs before entering the political arena but
he pursued his dream of making the world a better
place for future generations. So for July 4th,
why not thank our forefathers for leading us to
where we are today instead of whining about a
little noise that comes from a few fireworks.
You should be ashamed of yourself!
Sunday, May 30, 2010
The Tail Wagging the Dog
He Said
As everyone knows the dog of the house has been a
bone of contention for some time.
(no pun intended)
I like the dog and the dog likes me. That's not
the problem. The problem is the tail wags
the dog in our house. The dog gets fed first
before the grown ups. The dog gets walked
every day and the dog gets taken outdoors to
do her business whenever she gives a little cough.
Did I happen to mention that the dog has taken two
obedience classes and flunked both of them?
She has diploma's from both schools, but they were
bought with hundreds of dollars because she attended
all classes..
Reminds me of these diploma mills that you see in
the back of magazine’s where you can be proficient
at watering the lawn and get a degree with a few bucks.
The dog is cute and all that but she has no manners, she
still jumps on everyone, urinates on the floor if a
stranger gets too close and still barks for attention.
How can you chase the burgulars away by wetting on them?
Do the burglars leave to change
clothes or because of the rancid odor? Maybe they
just get P.O'd (no pun intended again) and leave? We did
not train her as a watch dog, although she scares
the heck out of many birds and squirrels if they get
in her yard. I did run into the last trainer this
week and told her some of these concerns. I told her
that everything she had been taught in dog school
is gone and she has reverted back to her old ways.
She said why don't you let me have her for 3 weeks
and I'll get her straight. The problem is I don't
think she will go because she has to teach school,
but I do plan on asking her.
She Said
Real Cute! I cannot believe that you have stooped
this low to talk about my Sophie. She is the sweetest
dog in the world and I love her very much. I know
you think she is only a dog, but to me she is almost
like a child of mine. She kisses me, hugs me,
and looks into my eyes like she could eat me up.
Then you go and talk about her like she is a dog.
I will admit that I have been busy lately and haven't
had as much time as I would like to keep up her training.
For the most part she is well behaved, and
you must admit that last week when I took her
to the Vet for a sleepover, she was having a
blast standing up on the counter so she could help
wait on the customers. Didn't you think that
was cute? I HAVE to wait on her because I am the only
mother that she has. I think you are just
envious because I don't take you
for a walk, or pour chicken juice on your
food or buy you bones to chew on. You're
old enough to take care of yourself and your
mother lives close by in Greensboro. I am not
about to be your surrogate mother. Sophie on
the other hand needs me so I give her my attention
as I see fit. You need to get over your jealousy
concerning the dog or maybe you need to go take
obiedience classes for a few weeks. It is not
the tail wagging thedog at all but if I put a
Gentle Leader around your snout, will you shut up?
What's Your Sign?
He Said
In going over some of our past columns and reading
about all of your negative opinions about me,
I decided to do some research into just what
my problems are.. Finding the answer was not
easy. After hours of research, I think I
understand why you find me so different.
The answer is quite simple really, I AM A LIBRA.
Since you don’t believe in Sun Signs in Astrology
you wouldn’t understand what makes me tick.
Here is what I found. “ Libra’s have elegance,
charm, good taste, are naturally kind, very
gentle, and loves harmony ( both music and social living)
and the pleasures that these bring.
Libra’s are sensitive to the needs of others
and have a gift, almost a psychic ability to
understand the emotional needs of their companions.
They do their best to cooperate and
compromise with everyone around them. Even though
Libra’s are diplomatic, they enjoy
seeing things from other people’s point of view.
Libra’s have an outgoing nature and one of
their strengths are in communicating brilliant
ideas to people.They are rarely at a loss for
words… even on their worst day, they have the
gift of gab. Since Libra’s ruling planet is
Venus, which is a soft and gracious planet and
feminine by nature, it gives a
Libran a softer side. Libran’s do have some
negative traits, they are flirtatious, impatient of
routine, easy going to the point of inertia,
but are seldom angry unless cheated or they
become aware of dishonesty in their dealings.
Libra’s are also known as “lazy Libra” and
they dislike coarse dirty work. Most Libra’s are
writers, lawyers, artist, composers, critics,
interior designers and managers of public
entertainment.”
I hope you can appreciate my efforts in
discovering all these facts in my research
so you can
better understand what makes me the man that
I am. I was never really lazy or never tried to
get out of helping in the yard; I was just born a Libra.
She Said
Doing research to compensate for your “laziness”
or lack of energy to do anything around the
house is almost laughable. Just because you found
out you were a Libra does not excuse
you from taking out the garbage. This newest
lame brain attempt to bypass your
responsibilities as a man is about the lowest
I have ever seen you go. It sounds like being a
Libra is an excusable disease or something. You
are right though when you say I don’t
believe in Astrology or believe that Sun Signs
should guide us on life’s journey. To make you
happy, I am putting my answer in the same vernacular,
I did some research on my own
about Libra’s. I found that “Libran’s do not tolerate
argument from anyone who challenges
their opinions; once they have reached a conclusion,
it’s truth seems to them to be
self-evident, and their faults is an impatience
of criticism and a greed for approval.” That
pretty much sums up my definition of you as a Libra.
Once you have made your point, there
is no need for me or anyone else to disagree with you.
I also found that Libra’s, because
Venus is the planet of love, “seeks love in everything
they do, particularly in relationships."
Finding their soul mate is a big dream, perhaps
even the most significant life mission and
very few Libra’s find the peace and satisfaction
they are looking for until they have connected
with that special person." If Sun Signs determine
who we are, how do you explain the fact
that I'm the easy going one in our relationship and I'm a Scorpio?
In going over some of our past columns and reading
about all of your negative opinions about me,
I decided to do some research into just what
my problems are.. Finding the answer was not
easy. After hours of research, I think I
understand why you find me so different.
The answer is quite simple really, I AM A LIBRA.
Since you don’t believe in Sun Signs in Astrology
you wouldn’t understand what makes me tick.
Here is what I found. “ Libra’s have elegance,
charm, good taste, are naturally kind, very
gentle, and loves harmony ( both music and social living)
and the pleasures that these bring.
Libra’s are sensitive to the needs of others
and have a gift, almost a psychic ability to
understand the emotional needs of their companions.
They do their best to cooperate and
compromise with everyone around them. Even though
Libra’s are diplomatic, they enjoy
seeing things from other people’s point of view.
Libra’s have an outgoing nature and one of
their strengths are in communicating brilliant
ideas to people.They are rarely at a loss for
words… even on their worst day, they have the
gift of gab. Since Libra’s ruling planet is
Venus, which is a soft and gracious planet and
feminine by nature, it gives a
Libran a softer side. Libran’s do have some
negative traits, they are flirtatious, impatient of
routine, easy going to the point of inertia,
but are seldom angry unless cheated or they
become aware of dishonesty in their dealings.
Libra’s are also known as “lazy Libra” and
they dislike coarse dirty work. Most Libra’s are
writers, lawyers, artist, composers, critics,
interior designers and managers of public
entertainment.”
I hope you can appreciate my efforts in
discovering all these facts in my research
so you can
better understand what makes me the man that
I am. I was never really lazy or never tried to
get out of helping in the yard; I was just born a Libra.
She Said
Doing research to compensate for your “laziness”
or lack of energy to do anything around the
house is almost laughable. Just because you found
out you were a Libra does not excuse
you from taking out the garbage. This newest
lame brain attempt to bypass your
responsibilities as a man is about the lowest
I have ever seen you go. It sounds like being a
Libra is an excusable disease or something. You
are right though when you say I don’t
believe in Astrology or believe that Sun Signs
should guide us on life’s journey. To make you
happy, I am putting my answer in the same vernacular,
I did some research on my own
about Libra’s. I found that “Libran’s do not tolerate
argument from anyone who challenges
their opinions; once they have reached a conclusion,
it’s truth seems to them to be
self-evident, and their faults is an impatience
of criticism and a greed for approval.” That
pretty much sums up my definition of you as a Libra.
Once you have made your point, there
is no need for me or anyone else to disagree with you.
I also found that Libra’s, because
Venus is the planet of love, “seeks love in everything
they do, particularly in relationships."
Finding their soul mate is a big dream, perhaps
even the most significant life mission and
very few Libra’s find the peace and satisfaction
they are looking for until they have connected
with that special person." If Sun Signs determine
who we are, how do you explain the fact
that I'm the easy going one in our relationship and I'm a Scorpio?
Monday, April 5, 2010
How to Please a woman
He Said
April is here and as you know with April comes
the honeydew list. We have talked about this
before and this year will be no different. I
am not going through the litany of every chore
that will need to be done around the house and
throughout the house. Go back to last spring
or the spring before and you'll see what I mean.
I'm trying to think of a new way this year to
get you to think outside the box. What if we
didn't do the same old things like cut the
grass or paint the living room? What if we
did something more exciting with our lives
this year? As a couple we only have a certain
amount of time to share together in our lifetime.
Why not make an exception this year and try
something new? The trick is going to be making
it so attractive that you will buy right into
it without objection. Taking you on a cruise
would be easy, you would fall for that because
it would be fun, but that would only be for one
week, two at the most. This new idea has to be
a whole summer of joy so intense that you would
forget all about the honeydew list and things
that need to be accomplished around the house.
It seems like the goal has to be to get you to
stop thinking about a chore list and start
thinking about ways to make me happy.If you are
spending all of your time satisfying me, you will
have no time left to spend on chores. The problem
is simple. I'll buy you a new house, so there is
nothing to clean or fix up. I will buy you a new
car so you will want to drive everywhere on vacation
(shopping!) I will buy you all new furniture and
appliances so you don't have to worry about repairs.
I'll buy you a whole new wardrobe so you don't have
to worry about clothes. On second thought I don't
think you would be dumb enough to fall for this.
You would see right through me. The good news is:
I just saved a ton of money!
She Said
It's ironic how similar our life's goals were when
we started dating twelve years ago. We talked about
sitting on the porch in rocking chairs and
growing old together. Three of our five children
were nearly grown and the other two were well
on their way. But as the years passed by all too
quickly, plans evolved in different directions.
You want to retire (someday) in Myrtle Beach
and I don't. The oceans' rushing waves remind
me that life is rushing by also and I picture
myself relaxing by a lazy river setting instead.
I plan on working as long as I can because too
many of our friends have passed away shortly after
retiring. I'll always have a project going on
because I don't stay idle very well. I like seeing
the fruits of my labor which is why I don't
mind housework, painting, cooking, etc. You have
an extraordinary talent as an artist and you
choose to waste it instead of drawing, painting,
etc. Wouldn't it be nice to have your work
hanging on the walls rather than art done by
someone we've never heard of? So I'll make a
promise to you that I won't ask you to do one
thing around the house this spring if you'll
make a promise to me...spend some time this
summer sitting at your easel and painting
so I can hang it up ...after I get the living
room redecorated.
April is here and as you know with April comes
the honeydew list. We have talked about this
before and this year will be no different. I
am not going through the litany of every chore
that will need to be done around the house and
throughout the house. Go back to last spring
or the spring before and you'll see what I mean.
I'm trying to think of a new way this year to
get you to think outside the box. What if we
didn't do the same old things like cut the
grass or paint the living room? What if we
did something more exciting with our lives
this year? As a couple we only have a certain
amount of time to share together in our lifetime.
Why not make an exception this year and try
something new? The trick is going to be making
it so attractive that you will buy right into
it without objection. Taking you on a cruise
would be easy, you would fall for that because
it would be fun, but that would only be for one
week, two at the most. This new idea has to be
a whole summer of joy so intense that you would
forget all about the honeydew list and things
that need to be accomplished around the house.
It seems like the goal has to be to get you to
stop thinking about a chore list and start
thinking about ways to make me happy.If you are
spending all of your time satisfying me, you will
have no time left to spend on chores. The problem
is simple. I'll buy you a new house, so there is
nothing to clean or fix up. I will buy you a new
car so you will want to drive everywhere on vacation
(shopping!) I will buy you all new furniture and
appliances so you don't have to worry about repairs.
I'll buy you a whole new wardrobe so you don't have
to worry about clothes. On second thought I don't
think you would be dumb enough to fall for this.
You would see right through me. The good news is:
I just saved a ton of money!
She Said
It's ironic how similar our life's goals were when
we started dating twelve years ago. We talked about
sitting on the porch in rocking chairs and
growing old together. Three of our five children
were nearly grown and the other two were well
on their way. But as the years passed by all too
quickly, plans evolved in different directions.
You want to retire (someday) in Myrtle Beach
and I don't. The oceans' rushing waves remind
me that life is rushing by also and I picture
myself relaxing by a lazy river setting instead.
I plan on working as long as I can because too
many of our friends have passed away shortly after
retiring. I'll always have a project going on
because I don't stay idle very well. I like seeing
the fruits of my labor which is why I don't
mind housework, painting, cooking, etc. You have
an extraordinary talent as an artist and you
choose to waste it instead of drawing, painting,
etc. Wouldn't it be nice to have your work
hanging on the walls rather than art done by
someone we've never heard of? So I'll make a
promise to you that I won't ask you to do one
thing around the house this spring if you'll
make a promise to me...spend some time this
summer sitting at your easel and painting
so I can hang it up ...after I get the living
room redecorated.
Keeping it Real
She Said
By the time this column goes out, our snowy winter
should be behind us. Do you remember when we first
started dating, you told me that on weekends, your
ex-wife didn't comb her hair or put on make-up
because she wasn't going to see anyone? Well,
there are several inches of snow and ice on the
ground and it's 4:00 in the afternoon; however,
I'm not sure you've walked past a mirror lately
because your hair looks like you were pardoned
thirty seconds after the switch was pulled!
Do you want to borrow some shampoo and a brush?
Seems like I remember another facebook entry
from you stating that "there wouldn't be as
many divorces if you tried as hard to keep
your partner as you did to get her". We all
fall into that marriage mode after a few years
and relax or so you've told me. Quite honestly,
at our age, that relaxed atmosphere is quite
appealing to me. Sometimes in the summer when
I've worked out in the yard all day, it's nice
to come in, shower and relax, skipping
hairstyling and make-up. I know the way
I look doesn't change the way you feel about
me and vice versa.
Don't worry though, I won't take advantage
of your good nature by going to WalMart in
hair curlers. There is a town in North Carolina
where the female population actually goes
shopping on Saturday morning with rollers
the size of orange juice cans. We can vow
to keep each other in check better than that.
He Said
Well that is quite a mouthful for me to answer
this month , but I will give it the old
proverbial try. I didn't wash my hair today ,
I just threw on a toboggan and hurried over to
your house before the snow got too deep, so we
could spend the whole day together( I see you
over there yawning so this might not be
as important to you as to me). If combing and
washing my hair and coming to your house is
the only thing keeping us together , let's
stock up on plenty of Prell shampoo or whatever
brand you use. I think in my facebook entry I
was probably talking about romance, flowers,
cards, attention, handholding, caring,
and all other methods that men use to keep
their woman happy. I know that when you are
not planning on leaving the house your M.O.
is to maybe wash your hair and let it dry
naturally, wear your glasses, not put on makeup etc.
I understand that and to me that would seem to
say I know you love me no matter what I look
like , so I will just go with my natural look..
however, when I go out, I want to look my best,
dressed to the t, so I can know that the world
will appreciate the effort I took, to look my best
for them.
Hello....how about me? Maybe I want to see you at
your best. Maybe I want to see you looking
extravagantly beautiful also. And the day you
want me to go to any store with you in hairculers
is probably going to be the day I go to U-Haul,
rent a truck, and move you to that little old
town in North Carolina where all the women shop
with hair curlers in their hair. Because on that
day I will be feeling that I can do better than that.
So next time I come over, my hair will be clean,
my teeth will be brushed, my clothes will be clean,
and you can be fixed up and we will both go shopping.
You can't ask for a better vow than that can you?
By the time this column goes out, our snowy winter
should be behind us. Do you remember when we first
started dating, you told me that on weekends, your
ex-wife didn't comb her hair or put on make-up
because she wasn't going to see anyone? Well,
there are several inches of snow and ice on the
ground and it's 4:00 in the afternoon; however,
I'm not sure you've walked past a mirror lately
because your hair looks like you were pardoned
thirty seconds after the switch was pulled!
Do you want to borrow some shampoo and a brush?
Seems like I remember another facebook entry
from you stating that "there wouldn't be as
many divorces if you tried as hard to keep
your partner as you did to get her". We all
fall into that marriage mode after a few years
and relax or so you've told me. Quite honestly,
at our age, that relaxed atmosphere is quite
appealing to me. Sometimes in the summer when
I've worked out in the yard all day, it's nice
to come in, shower and relax, skipping
hairstyling and make-up. I know the way
I look doesn't change the way you feel about
me and vice versa.
Don't worry though, I won't take advantage
of your good nature by going to WalMart in
hair curlers. There is a town in North Carolina
where the female population actually goes
shopping on Saturday morning with rollers
the size of orange juice cans. We can vow
to keep each other in check better than that.
He Said
Well that is quite a mouthful for me to answer
this month , but I will give it the old
proverbial try. I didn't wash my hair today ,
I just threw on a toboggan and hurried over to
your house before the snow got too deep, so we
could spend the whole day together( I see you
over there yawning so this might not be
as important to you as to me). If combing and
washing my hair and coming to your house is
the only thing keeping us together , let's
stock up on plenty of Prell shampoo or whatever
brand you use. I think in my facebook entry I
was probably talking about romance, flowers,
cards, attention, handholding, caring,
and all other methods that men use to keep
their woman happy. I know that when you are
not planning on leaving the house your M.O.
is to maybe wash your hair and let it dry
naturally, wear your glasses, not put on makeup etc.
I understand that and to me that would seem to
say I know you love me no matter what I look
like , so I will just go with my natural look..
however, when I go out, I want to look my best,
dressed to the t, so I can know that the world
will appreciate the effort I took, to look my best
for them.
Hello....how about me? Maybe I want to see you at
your best. Maybe I want to see you looking
extravagantly beautiful also. And the day you
want me to go to any store with you in hairculers
is probably going to be the day I go to U-Haul,
rent a truck, and move you to that little old
town in North Carolina where all the women shop
with hair curlers in their hair. Because on that
day I will be feeling that I can do better than that.
So next time I come over, my hair will be clean,
my teeth will be brushed, my clothes will be clean,
and you can be fixed up and we will both go shopping.
You can't ask for a better vow than that can you?
Friday, February 19, 2010
What is True Love ?
He Said
You might remember in the December issue we talked
about Christmas and what Christmas means to both of us.
My main concern was that there were not enough color
lights in my world at this time of the year. Since
she always decorates with white lights every year,
I had sort of lost touch with the excitement of
Christmas trees being decorated with color lights.
How exactly does all of this relate to true love?
Let me share a story with you and then you can
judge whether this is the definite definition of
true love. Right after we finished the column for
December I left to go to a meeting. This was at night.
Now I had complained fairly strongly, as I am apt
to do sometimes, about the white lights vs colored
lights problem. When I arrived back at her house
later that night, she had put up another Christmas
tree and decorated it with colored lights and all
of the trimmings just for me. (She already had a
7 foot tree decorated with white lights in the living room).
This is what I call going the extra mile, without a
hint to me, without me asking or badgering her into
doing it. She did this to please me. She did this
because she loves me and wanted to make me happy.
This is one way to prove to someone how much you
love them. To her I say, Happy Valentine's Day and I love you.
She Said
Now you know why I put up with him. Wasn't that just
the sweetest thing for him to do?
( Expressing his love to me publicly in our column).
He could have just as easily complained about the
gifts that I gave him for Christmas. (One of which
was a GPS with a female voice for those who are keeping score).
I wanted to see if there was another female voice
he would listen to besides his mothers') I laughed
all the way to the cashier just thinking about the
double entendre: Larry following driving directions
while listening to a female voice! As far as the
extra tree goes, I had an extra one with plenty of
decorations so why not use it instead of letting it
collect dust in the basement. It sure beat listening
to him whine about not having colored lights.
Seriously, I did want to please him. I wanted to
surprise him. It certainly did those things
and he was exceedingly glad. It was a nice touch
to the house and made me realize that he needs
or wants certain things in his life, that maybe
I would not choose, but makes him happy. As all
couples know when both of you are happy life is
so much easier. Of course this doesn't mean he
will help more around the house, that he will
help take down the tree, wash more dishes, or
even cut the yard this spring. However, for the
month of December all was bliss, we got to see
all our children, we ate more than we ever needed,
we saw both of our parents, went to Virginia Beach
and Myrtle Beach,and had two trees that we both
enjoyed. To us, that's what relationships and
holidays are all about. I still need a dryer,
but he is not pushing the pre-nup as much;
and he got color lights on a Christmas
tree this year. Life is good.
You might remember in the December issue we talked
about Christmas and what Christmas means to both of us.
My main concern was that there were not enough color
lights in my world at this time of the year. Since
she always decorates with white lights every year,
I had sort of lost touch with the excitement of
Christmas trees being decorated with color lights.
How exactly does all of this relate to true love?
Let me share a story with you and then you can
judge whether this is the definite definition of
true love. Right after we finished the column for
December I left to go to a meeting. This was at night.
Now I had complained fairly strongly, as I am apt
to do sometimes, about the white lights vs colored
lights problem. When I arrived back at her house
later that night, she had put up another Christmas
tree and decorated it with colored lights and all
of the trimmings just for me. (She already had a
7 foot tree decorated with white lights in the living room).
This is what I call going the extra mile, without a
hint to me, without me asking or badgering her into
doing it. She did this to please me. She did this
because she loves me and wanted to make me happy.
This is one way to prove to someone how much you
love them. To her I say, Happy Valentine's Day and I love you.
She Said
Now you know why I put up with him. Wasn't that just
the sweetest thing for him to do?
( Expressing his love to me publicly in our column).
He could have just as easily complained about the
gifts that I gave him for Christmas. (One of which
was a GPS with a female voice for those who are keeping score).
I wanted to see if there was another female voice
he would listen to besides his mothers') I laughed
all the way to the cashier just thinking about the
double entendre: Larry following driving directions
while listening to a female voice! As far as the
extra tree goes, I had an extra one with plenty of
decorations so why not use it instead of letting it
collect dust in the basement. It sure beat listening
to him whine about not having colored lights.
Seriously, I did want to please him. I wanted to
surprise him. It certainly did those things
and he was exceedingly glad. It was a nice touch
to the house and made me realize that he needs
or wants certain things in his life, that maybe
I would not choose, but makes him happy. As all
couples know when both of you are happy life is
so much easier. Of course this doesn't mean he
will help more around the house, that he will
help take down the tree, wash more dishes, or
even cut the yard this spring. However, for the
month of December all was bliss, we got to see
all our children, we ate more than we ever needed,
we saw both of our parents, went to Virginia Beach
and Myrtle Beach,and had two trees that we both
enjoyed. To us, that's what relationships and
holidays are all about. I still need a dryer,
but he is not pushing the pre-nup as much;
and he got color lights on a Christmas
tree this year. Life is good.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Past, Present, Future
He Said,
Another year is behind us and I for one feel pretty
darn lucky. I only gained about five pounds over
last year, I am another year older, and that is good
because I find myself above ground and still aggravating
you. But we are still engaged and our admiration for
each other grows deeper everyday (Okay, my admiration
grows deeper and yours stays about the same) but I'll
take what I can get.
When I think about the past 45 years, our high school
days come to mind. I think about all the times you
wouldn't go out with me but then again, I never asked
you. I was too intimidated by your charm and grace.
I had heard of those words back then but probably couldn't
even spell them. However here we are in the present,
and having the time of our lives making fun of
each other as we grow older, grayer, and heavier.
How can anyone top that for a happy life? Maybe we
should have our own TV show so everyone could join
in the fun. I would have a whole new audience to tell
my "good old days" stories to since you already know them.
Now about the future: I CAN HARDLY WAIT FOR THOSE
AFTER CHRISTMAS SALES!!! You want something mundane
like a new dryer. Why not take my dryer and we could
sign a pre-nup in case you decide to look for another
man. Now that that's out of the way, let's talk about
a shopping trip.It's not that I need anything; it's
the thrill of the chase, kind of like chasing you all
of these years! Since I already have a model car
collection, an expansive book collection, and music
collection, I was thinking I could start collecting
something new. Do you have any suggestions? Maybe we
could explore antique stores looking for artifacts
from the 1800's. Wouldn't that make an interesting
display? Let's talk about it over dinner tonight.
She Said
I guarantee you that we'll talk over dinner tonight
but it won't be about relics from the 1800's. I already
have one big relic.I'm not interested in collecting
anything that takes up more room. If I can't eat it,
wear it, or ride it, I don't want it. Are you crazy???
A pre-nup for a used dryer? Who do you think you are,
Tiger Woods? We don't need a pre-nup for a ten year
old dryer! Now if you have hidden assets that I should
know about that might constitute a pre-nup, I am all ears.
Right now I am marrying you in spite of all your problems,
not because I feel sorry for you, but because you
make me laugh sometimes, you feed me well, you take me to
events like a movie matinee, free concert, etc. and you
are generally a nice guy who doesn'tt drink, smoke, or
carouse with the opposite sex. We do have a history and we
have had a great life so far together. You have never been
that great at marriage, but then you have never been married
to me. So far I think I have done a pretty good job of
training you or at least getting us on the same track.
I don't think men in general are trainable per se, but
we women do the best that we can with what we have. I
understand that you are not an outdoor person, a yard
person, or a working person, so I just accept that as
part of the package. If you're planning a TV show for
us, you're probably going to have to get a surrogate
She Said. I just don't think I have anymore hours to
give to you for such trivial mess as boosting your ego
with some kind of “it's all about you TV show”. If you
like you can put that in your pre-nup and hope that
your future includes me, and a NEW dryer.
Another year is behind us and I for one feel pretty
darn lucky. I only gained about five pounds over
last year, I am another year older, and that is good
because I find myself above ground and still aggravating
you. But we are still engaged and our admiration for
each other grows deeper everyday (Okay, my admiration
grows deeper and yours stays about the same) but I'll
take what I can get.
When I think about the past 45 years, our high school
days come to mind. I think about all the times you
wouldn't go out with me but then again, I never asked
you. I was too intimidated by your charm and grace.
I had heard of those words back then but probably couldn't
even spell them. However here we are in the present,
and having the time of our lives making fun of
each other as we grow older, grayer, and heavier.
How can anyone top that for a happy life? Maybe we
should have our own TV show so everyone could join
in the fun. I would have a whole new audience to tell
my "good old days" stories to since you already know them.
Now about the future: I CAN HARDLY WAIT FOR THOSE
AFTER CHRISTMAS SALES!!! You want something mundane
like a new dryer. Why not take my dryer and we could
sign a pre-nup in case you decide to look for another
man. Now that that's out of the way, let's talk about
a shopping trip.It's not that I need anything; it's
the thrill of the chase, kind of like chasing you all
of these years! Since I already have a model car
collection, an expansive book collection, and music
collection, I was thinking I could start collecting
something new. Do you have any suggestions? Maybe we
could explore antique stores looking for artifacts
from the 1800's. Wouldn't that make an interesting
display? Let's talk about it over dinner tonight.
She Said
I guarantee you that we'll talk over dinner tonight
but it won't be about relics from the 1800's. I already
have one big relic.I'm not interested in collecting
anything that takes up more room. If I can't eat it,
wear it, or ride it, I don't want it. Are you crazy???
A pre-nup for a used dryer? Who do you think you are,
Tiger Woods? We don't need a pre-nup for a ten year
old dryer! Now if you have hidden assets that I should
know about that might constitute a pre-nup, I am all ears.
Right now I am marrying you in spite of all your problems,
not because I feel sorry for you, but because you
make me laugh sometimes, you feed me well, you take me to
events like a movie matinee, free concert, etc. and you
are generally a nice guy who doesn'tt drink, smoke, or
carouse with the opposite sex. We do have a history and we
have had a great life so far together. You have never been
that great at marriage, but then you have never been married
to me. So far I think I have done a pretty good job of
training you or at least getting us on the same track.
I don't think men in general are trainable per se, but
we women do the best that we can with what we have. I
understand that you are not an outdoor person, a yard
person, or a working person, so I just accept that as
part of the package. If you're planning a TV show for
us, you're probably going to have to get a surrogate
She Said. I just don't think I have anymore hours to
give to you for such trivial mess as boosting your ego
with some kind of “it's all about you TV show”. If you
like you can put that in your pre-nup and hope that
your future includes me, and a NEW dryer.
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