Monday, May 28, 2012

Mother's Day

May 2012

He Said

Getting Old. Getting Older. I knew this day was
coming and that's why I married you. I know how
you cared for and doted on your Mother.
All men should learn this one important fact.
If you want to judge how your wife is going to
be in the future, look at how she treats her
mother. Is she warm, kindhearted and more importantly,
does she take care of her mother's needs? This my
friend is an example of how she will be treating you
in the future. Getting back to you and this
age thing. Have you noticed that I don't hear as well?'
Have you noticed that I am constantly dropping things?
Have you noticed that I don't pick up my clothes
everyday? Wait a minute ,that is not old age, that is
just me being lazy and I have done that since I was a
teenager so that doesn't count. I know I don't complain
much, maybe a little whining from time to time, but I
swear, every joint in my body aches. I would say it is
from too much exercise, but you would say that's impossible,
because I never exercise. One day my shoulder aches, one
day my foot hurts, one day I have a tooth ache, the next
day I have pain in my elbow. Does everyone feel like
this at my age or is my body just falling apart in front
of me?
Why don't I ever hear you complain about these things?
All I hear you complain about is your weight and I have
justified that for myself by saying the scales must be
broken. That works for me. Anyway I am thanking you
before hand for your future endeavors as a nurse.

Keep up your strength, I'll need someone to push me
in my wheelchair around the mall on Mother's Day.

She Said

If I remember correctly, you were complaining about
pain and trying to get out of work in the eleventh grade.
You have never been one to jump up and down, participate
in sports, be outside longer than the time it takes for
you to go from the house to your car and back again. As
far as getting older, that's just a natural part of life
and it sure beats the alternative. I'll give you three
guesses as to how you look at it and the first two don't
count. You have been working towards this day since you
were a little kid. You are probably not physically tired,
just mentally tired from the challenge of figuring out
how to get out of work, how to get out of exercise, how
to stay out of sun, how to avoid doing anything that
constitutes making an effort. I think most of your"old
age pain" is in your head. My duties as a daughter
were no more harder than the duties as a mother to my
children. I took care of my mother because she took care
of me. I imagine it took your mother, your father, your
sister, and maybe several cousins to keep you on course.
You know if you get sick that I'll be the first one to
take care of you, nurture you, and help you however I can.
But be assured I'll also be the one to kick your behind
and get you back in gear. I know that you will hire someone
nice to watch over me while you read, go to movies, and
go out to eat. Will he look like Blake Shelton or Adam Levine?
This is just part of the pact that I knew existed when we got
married. But in all seriousness I, too, have watched how you
treat your Mother and your children. You are good about
calling your mother everyday, and visiting every
weekend and I think you do all of that not only because
you are responsible but because you truly love your mother
and your father. I know if I get sick in any way that you
will be there or send someone to take care of me
(either Blake or Adam...doesn't matter).

This Highfaluting Marriage

He Said She Said – April 2012 This Highfaluting Marriage

He Said

Someone once told me to marry above my raising.
I was not sure what that meant then but I am starting
to see what it means now. It means marry someone prettier,
richer, and smarter than me. I think with you
I have done just that. I don’t think a day goes
by when I am not reminded that I have done something else
wrong, or it is not proper, or something just plain gets on
your last nerve.

I don’t know how many nerves you have in your body, but
I am sure that we are getting close to the end in this first
year of marriage. By the time we die you will be void of
any nerves at all and will be working on just plain common sense.

The latest snafu for me is going out to a restaurant with
you and being told as we left the premises that I was the only
person you had ever met in your life that eats fish with his
hands. We are not talking about boiled fish. We are not talking
scallops and we are not talking about baked fish covered with
all that red stuff.

We are talking the all-American deliciously fried fish and chips.
As I explained to you , cutting into a battered fried piece of
fish with a two inch crust is just going to make that crust
come apart and fling itself all over the plate. You are left
with just a piece of white fish with no coating. Who can eat that?

I did a little experiment the next day. I went to a local fast food
fish place and there were a total of 10 tables with couples eating
fish. Nine out of the ten tables had customers picking up their fried
fish and eating it with their hands. So much for highfaluting. As I
told you before, a piece of fried fish is like a piece of fried
chicken. How many people do you see using a knife and fork to eat a
chicken leg?

She Said

So you think you married above your raising? That must
be a southern phrase; you know all of my relatives are from
the north and I'm not used to that one. Let me guess... if you
marry someone equal to you,that means you can eat
with your fingers, wipe your mouth with your shirt sleeve,
put your elbows on the table, and slurp your soup?

Honestly, I wasn't criticizing you when you were eating
FRIED fish with your fingers...I just never saw that before.
Fish and chicken are two different foods to me and there is a
bone to hold on to with chicken but fish bones don't offer much
support. As far as getting on my last nerve goes: if it hasn't
happened in 50 years, it probably isn't going to. Funny thing
about your little experiment. You probably went to a fast food
fish establishment at lunch time when people were hurrying
to get back to work. The EVENING I said something to you
about eating with your fingers, we were at a seafood restaurant
just a step above your lunch time delight. But just this once,
I'll let it go.You explained the part about the breading on
the fish and how much damage your fork would do to it and I
wouldn't spoil your fun for all of the fish in the ocean!!!