He Said She Said -Vacations

He Said

July must mean it is time to start making vacation plans.
When the kids were young, this was a pretty simple task.
Where are the most RIDES going to be? Now that the kids
have escaped and are making their own vacations plans
or having their own vacation woes, here we are!
I, of course, like certain places to prop up my feet,
get up and go to bed when I want to, get a soda
on my own schedule with no one to answer to except my spouse,
of course. If I can get her to agree to where I want to go
and plan the vacation, she does pretty well. After all,
she is a very even tempered person who only lives to
make sure I am happy at all times; that is, after the
children, the dog, the fish, people at work, people at
church, the neighbors, our friends, the UPS man and whoever
is delivering the mail this week.
New York to me is exciting, especially Manhattan--the plays,
the food, and the shopping choices which amount to
hundreds of stores to peruse. Myrtle Beach is nice--good food,
the roar and splendor of the ocean and that new mall is not
bad either. Atlanta, Gatlinburg, Virginia Beach, Florida. All of
these places I can go and relax and have a good time.
Vacation to her is staying at home and getting all of those
jobs done that WE (and I use that term lightly) can accomplish
working together as a team. I call them projects. Blowing insulation
into the attic, mulching around the house, painting all of the
bedrooms does not constitute vacation time to me. Heck, I might
as well be at work where I have it easier, plus I get paid for being
there. Maybe I’ll tell her I can’t take vacation this year because
I’m too busy. At the very least, I’ll get out of having to fix gutters
or what other ideas she puts into that job jar.

She Said

Teaching school all year and getting home at 4:00 or 5:00 p.m. every
day does not leave me a lot of time to get my “projects” as you
call them started or even close to being finished. What you call
projects is what other families call keeping your house up. The house
won’t fix itself.
In the past when I mentioned vacation destinations, you would
sort of turn up your nose and make a face or question why I would
want to go to those places. I did notice your ears perk up when I
told you that they had a Wal-Mart in Hawaii. You are the only man
I know who can take two days to drive to Atlanta, which is normally
a five-hour trip, because you have to stop at every mall, Wal-Mart,
K mart, produce stand, and hobby shop between here and Georgia.
I have been to Myrtle Beach with you more than once and I don’t
think in all of those times have I actually been on the beach. I am
not sure if you even know there IS a beach at Myrtle Beach.
However, I do know every store in the Outlet Mall, regular mall,
and every fleabitten piece of memorabilia at the flea markets.
I think visiting the cathedrals and museums in London or the
Louvre and the Eiffel Tower in Paris would be exceptional
vacations. But the problem for you would be no Wal-Mart,
no mall--only exotic food, that you don’t like, a
foreign language that you don’t speak and a lot of walking,
which you are allergic to. I imagine a vacation in Europe with
you would be a week of all WHINE and no cheese. The best thing
to do is stay home.
I’ll do my projects. You sit on the porch drinking your tea
and reading your books. I’ll be happy; you’ll be rested,
and we’ll both save money. But I’m not cooking.
Vacation week...you are buying dinner out every night.

HAPPY VACATION.

© Larry Oldham, 2007