He Said She Said - Dieting

He Said
There is one word we don't use much
around our house, because not only
is it off limits, it is also taboo.
Now I know what you are thinking...
money, sex, ex-wives...nope. Nothing
that trite. We are talking about the
big word.
DIET.
I personally don't see anything wrong
with the word. I occasionally use it
myself,usually in a sentence like: "I
don't do diets", or "I don't believe
in diets".
Don't get me wrong. I believe in good
health, quality of life and so on and
so on. Heck, I even watch those cute
girls doing Pilates on TV and you know
I don't do much TV. But when it comes
to diets, there are just too many of
them out there: Atkins, Weight Watchers,
L.A. something or other, Weight Off
Forever (or when you run out of money),
Nutri-Systems...the list goes on
forever. I mean if one of them really
works, why don't all of you get on
that one?
Let's say all of you gets on the one
that works and lose a few pounds. That
means new clothes, a new house, new car,
and probably a new spouse.
Why not do what I did when my doctor told
me I was getting fat? I just cut back on
my sweets, sodas, hot dogs, potatoe chips,
milkshakes,bisquits, butter and jelly. In
a few weeks I had lost a few pounds, without
eating foreign foods or taking exercise
classes and best of all, not having to pay
someone to tell me that I had gained or
lost a few pounds during that week.
Yep, my plan works so well for me that maybe
I will become one of those diet guru people.
I will gather up a few of those BEFORE pictures
back when I was fat and take some pictures of
me AFTER losing a few pounds. Next I will
write a diet book on how I did it and come up
with a fad diet name...something like
MAC-THIN or SLIM-MART or MAXI-THIN...then I
will share my big diet plan with the rest of
the world.
But first I think I will have some ice cream
and take a nap.

She Said
The only four letter word not spoken around our
house isn't diet...it is STOP.
STOP bringing those 42 bags of Easter candy,
21 bags of Valentine candy, and 34 bags of
Christmas candy to my house that you bought
on sale for 1/2 off at some drug store after
each and every holiday. Keep it stashed at
your house instead of mine and them we will
see how well the world's most famous couch
potato keeps the pounds off.
You. a diet guru?
You could be the poster boy for all the diet
plans in the world...but only the before
pictures. You are like most men. You eat
everything you want and then throw it up
to us ladies that dieting is a farce, all
because you can quit eating sugar, sodas,
bread, etc. for a few days and lose weight.
Men and women have a different metabolism.
We are already not eating all of that
garbage that you enjoy so much, so we don't
have much to give up without starving ourselves
to death.
When we do find a dieting program that works,
you're too busy making fun of fad diets to
lend support and encouragement to our diet
program. The diet word is not really taboo
around the house. I just don't like to
talk about it because I know that I am going
to hear ridicule or sarcasm about my diet.
Maybe you should try to appreciate the fact
that I am trying to look slimmer and thinner
to please you.
Instead of looking at the girls doing Pilates
on TV in their size 3 bathing suits, maybe I
would like for you to compliment me on my
appearance. At the very least, I would like
to think that when you're talking eye candy,
I am somewhere in that equation.
Otherwise I can only think that I am losing
weight just in case Dr. McDreamy should happen
to come to town again.