He Said She Said August 2012 Showcase Magazine –
Great Service-Same Whining
He Said
Last month we had the pleasure of attending a friend's
wedding in Atlanta. I really enjoyed the time
off because it gave me time to shop and be with my
best friend in the whole world ...you. Everything
was beautiful, the wedding was exquisite, being with
all our friends and sharing good times is what life
is all about. You of course know all of this so I
don't have to explain it to you. There is one little
thing that happened that you have not commented about.
Did you notice that Friday night when we went out for
dinner, I did not register one single complaint in
the restaurant? Most of the time after we leave a
restaurant I hear for the next hour everything that
I said or did wrong. But Friday night was an exception.
Not one complaint from me. You are dying to know why,
aren't you? I thought so. The reason you did not hear
any complaints was these people know how to treat
their customers. Since I traveled many years on a
company expense account I had grown accustom to
receiving good customer service while enjoying great
meals. When we go to a regular priced restaurant or
even a higher priced restaurant in some cities, they
just don't seem to know customer service that I have
grown to enjoy.
Have you ever had someone wipe up the crumbs from the
table after the main course so that you will have a
clean table to eat dessert? Have you ever eaten at a
restaurant where you don't have to call someone for
more water or tea, they just keep your glass full the
whole meal? I know it was pricey, but it was a fabulous
tasting meal with great customer service and that
is just what I have missed.
She Said
You have become so foreign to your own way of seeing
things that it has almost become somewhat annoying. We
ate at the same restaurant, you remember a perfect meal.
I remember and heard every little thing that went wrong
that night, and you have put it completely out of your
head. First of all just let me say it was one of the
best tasting meals that we have had in a long time.
I will give you that. I know it was expensive and the
waiter (Frank) did give us great service including
coming to the table and calling you Mr. Oldham. I guess
the main guy had told him. That was indeed thoughtful.
Keeping the glasses filled also was very nice. Offering
to explain the meals was typical of most restaurants so
that was ok. But as soon as he left the table and other
people around us starting getting their food, you started
in. You do it at every restaurant. “We were here way
before them, how do they get their food before us”.
“What is taking so long with our food, I could have gone
out in the woods, killed it myself, skinned it and cooked
it sooner that this”, is another one I hear all the time.
Then as you start to get bored, I start hearing your take
on everyone in the restaurant.”I bet that couple beside
us is having an affair”. Right after you said that Friday
night I heard our waiter congratulate them on their 20th
year anniversary. I started to say something to you about
it, but I figured it would break up your fantasy so why
bother. I will say that being with you and going out to eat,
most always presents a challenge, but I can also say you
are never without a word, be it right or wrong. It just
sometimes gives me indigestion, which up until now I have
hesitated to tell you. But I thought it best to get it
off my chest while you are thinking everything was A-Ok in
Atlanta. To me, it was better food, but the same old whining
I get in every restaurant.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Independence Day
He Said She Said July 2012 Independence Day
He Said
While having a conversation with a group of people
last month, one of the gentleman in the group
was scheduled to be in an upcoming wedding....his own.
One of the guys in our mixed crowd of men and women
went on to describe how much your life changes after
you get married. Now I know that marriage means different
things to different people. Men see life and marriage
one way and women see life and marriage another way.
We could debate this till the world ends. But I don't
have time allocated in this space to do that, so I will
just share with you how your life ends the way it has
been on the day you get married. This will not be
directed at everyone, because everyone is not the
same. But generally this is how it goes. One day you
are a free spirit. You get up , you do your thing,
you eat when you want, you change clothes , you don't
change clothes, you go to bed whatever time you wish,
you sit on the porch , you lay on the couch, you eat
what you want and so on and so on. The day you get
married you lose all of your freedom of choice. You
now have a partner in your decision making and you
have two choices. One is you continue to do what you
want as you always have and just suffer the consequences
or you open your life to someone else who now makes
all your decisions for you. What you wear, what you eat,
where you go, when you go, how long you stay and the
list goes on. Now let me just say this about my wife,
none of this happens in our marriage. This is just what
I hear happens in other marriages, not ours. Our
marriage is totally independent, always even keeled
and always in agreement with one another as long as
the moon and the stars are in alignment. So far they
have been in alignment for two years. For other people
though who are not as gentle, loving and caring as my
bride, I just wanted to let them know what to expect
when they get married. I need to go now,since I know
she wants me to drive her to the mall, Lowe's and
Wal-Mart today.
She Said
You are so full of yourself today. Reading what you
have written reminds me that marriage is a two way
street and what I, your wife, has had to give up. No,
wait a minute. Let me describe for you as you like
to say, what SOME women lose or gain when they get
married. Not me of course. What was a carefree life
of shopping, wearing what looked good, not what someone
else thought looked too provocative, watching what
TV shows you want to watch, going to see the kind of
movie that you wanted to see, buying the right type
of food that you want to eat is just some of the things
that women give up when they marry. Women do gain
things in a marriage though. They get to iron more
clothes, wash more dishes, cook more often, share
their paychecks, listen to boring stories, over and
over again, and hear complaints about everyone they
know from their husband. They get to listen about how
bad everyone drives, how the country is being run so
poorly, how life has treated them compared to their
friends, and the list just goes on and on. Women are
expected to clean the house, take out the garbage ,
mow the grass, wash both cars, and look pretty as a
picture when their husband arrives home from work.
They are expected to want to sit on the porch and
drink tea even though three bathrooms need cleaning
and the laundry needs to be done. This is just what
I have heard of course, I would never suggest that
this is the way our marriage is or has been. No, I
think in your mind all of the stars and moon are aligned
in order and our life is going pretty much like you
expected it to go. More that likely if you took a
survey 90% of the men would say life is good with
their wives. Why do they think that? Because we
let you drive us to the mall, Lowe's and Wal-Mart
and to you that is your good deed for the month and
you feel you have satisfied us completely. What
else could a woman want out of life? Right?
He Said
While having a conversation with a group of people
last month, one of the gentleman in the group
was scheduled to be in an upcoming wedding....his own.
One of the guys in our mixed crowd of men and women
went on to describe how much your life changes after
you get married. Now I know that marriage means different
things to different people. Men see life and marriage
one way and women see life and marriage another way.
We could debate this till the world ends. But I don't
have time allocated in this space to do that, so I will
just share with you how your life ends the way it has
been on the day you get married. This will not be
directed at everyone, because everyone is not the
same. But generally this is how it goes. One day you
are a free spirit. You get up , you do your thing,
you eat when you want, you change clothes , you don't
change clothes, you go to bed whatever time you wish,
you sit on the porch , you lay on the couch, you eat
what you want and so on and so on. The day you get
married you lose all of your freedom of choice. You
now have a partner in your decision making and you
have two choices. One is you continue to do what you
want as you always have and just suffer the consequences
or you open your life to someone else who now makes
all your decisions for you. What you wear, what you eat,
where you go, when you go, how long you stay and the
list goes on. Now let me just say this about my wife,
none of this happens in our marriage. This is just what
I hear happens in other marriages, not ours. Our
marriage is totally independent, always even keeled
and always in agreement with one another as long as
the moon and the stars are in alignment. So far they
have been in alignment for two years. For other people
though who are not as gentle, loving and caring as my
bride, I just wanted to let them know what to expect
when they get married. I need to go now,since I know
she wants me to drive her to the mall, Lowe's and
Wal-Mart today.
She Said
You are so full of yourself today. Reading what you
have written reminds me that marriage is a two way
street and what I, your wife, has had to give up. No,
wait a minute. Let me describe for you as you like
to say, what SOME women lose or gain when they get
married. Not me of course. What was a carefree life
of shopping, wearing what looked good, not what someone
else thought looked too provocative, watching what
TV shows you want to watch, going to see the kind of
movie that you wanted to see, buying the right type
of food that you want to eat is just some of the things
that women give up when they marry. Women do gain
things in a marriage though. They get to iron more
clothes, wash more dishes, cook more often, share
their paychecks, listen to boring stories, over and
over again, and hear complaints about everyone they
know from their husband. They get to listen about how
bad everyone drives, how the country is being run so
poorly, how life has treated them compared to their
friends, and the list just goes on and on. Women are
expected to clean the house, take out the garbage ,
mow the grass, wash both cars, and look pretty as a
picture when their husband arrives home from work.
They are expected to want to sit on the porch and
drink tea even though three bathrooms need cleaning
and the laundry needs to be done. This is just what
I have heard of course, I would never suggest that
this is the way our marriage is or has been. No, I
think in your mind all of the stars and moon are aligned
in order and our life is going pretty much like you
expected it to go. More that likely if you took a
survey 90% of the men would say life is good with
their wives. Why do they think that? Because we
let you drive us to the mall, Lowe's and Wal-Mart
and to you that is your good deed for the month and
you feel you have satisfied us completely. What
else could a woman want out of life? Right?
Monday, June 25, 2012
Who Are All These Men?
He Said She Said Showcase Magazine June 2012 – Who are all these Men?
He Said
Summer is upon us and suddenly I find myself coming home,
not to my sweet and loving wife but to a bunch of different
looking men who are going through the house measuring,
making suggestions, and in general trying to change
at least one thing in every room of the house. One day
I stopped one of them to find out just why he was there
and he proceeded to tell me that you had actually invited
him and all of his cronies to roam around. It was not just
one day in a given week, but on several days in a two
week span. I recalled that we had been taking more than
the usual number of trips to Lowe’s and Home Depot recently.
Since I don’t know how any of those things in home improvement
stores work anyway, I just follow you from department
to department, with my hands In my pocket because you told
me not to touch anything.
It seems to me that if they have all those trinket’s out on
the shelves, they are begging to be touched.
Why would anyone mind if I touched a hammer, or a light fixture?
I'm not going to use either one of them.
Getting back to the men in the house, I find that we are
getting ready to do a partial make over in the kitchen and
Lord knows what else in those other rooms. I asked one of
those workmen if his wife could cook and he said that she's
another Betty Crocker. So I asked him if I could go home
with him because one of the other men told me that our kitchen
would be closed for at least two weeks.
A MAN CAN STARVE TO DEATH IN TWO WEEIKS!
She Said
Looking at your physique, I doubt that you have to worry about
starving to death anytime soon. I think You have once again
embellished the truth to the max. I did ask a contractor to
come by and give me an estimate about some minor work in the
kitchen and you did happen to come home when he was here.
There is no surprising you, Inspector Gadget! One of the
workmen did come back another day to take some measurements
and bring me some tiles and paint colors to look over. As
far as taking you anywhere, especially one of the hardware
stores, it's like taking a seven year old. What’s this?
What does this do? Have you ever used one of these? Why is
this so small, or large, or long or whatever? You never
stop asking questions. That's why I have to sneak over to
Lowe’s just to be able to browse at my leisure without
having to explain how a hammer works. I would never take
you down the garden tool aisle because you would have to
touch every tool in there, and ask me a thousand questions
about what they are used for. This summer is a perfect
time for us to get some much needed changes done to the
kitchen and maybe a couple of other rooms while I am at it.
This should not inconvenience you too much since all you
do when you're not working is sit out on the
porch and read. You can still do that. As far as the
two week period when the kitchen is closed, I can
offer you several good options. One, order a Pizza and
have it delivered to the front porch. Two, bring something
to eat with you so you don’t starve. Third, go on a diet
and just eat apples every day for two weeks. You save
money, lose weight, and get fresh air, all in one fell swoop.
Don’t ever say I don’t take care of my man
He Said
Summer is upon us and suddenly I find myself coming home,
not to my sweet and loving wife but to a bunch of different
looking men who are going through the house measuring,
making suggestions, and in general trying to change
at least one thing in every room of the house. One day
I stopped one of them to find out just why he was there
and he proceeded to tell me that you had actually invited
him and all of his cronies to roam around. It was not just
one day in a given week, but on several days in a two
week span. I recalled that we had been taking more than
the usual number of trips to Lowe’s and Home Depot recently.
Since I don’t know how any of those things in home improvement
stores work anyway, I just follow you from department
to department, with my hands In my pocket because you told
me not to touch anything.
It seems to me that if they have all those trinket’s out on
the shelves, they are begging to be touched.
Why would anyone mind if I touched a hammer, or a light fixture?
I'm not going to use either one of them.
Getting back to the men in the house, I find that we are
getting ready to do a partial make over in the kitchen and
Lord knows what else in those other rooms. I asked one of
those workmen if his wife could cook and he said that she's
another Betty Crocker. So I asked him if I could go home
with him because one of the other men told me that our kitchen
would be closed for at least two weeks.
A MAN CAN STARVE TO DEATH IN TWO WEEIKS!
She Said
Looking at your physique, I doubt that you have to worry about
starving to death anytime soon. I think You have once again
embellished the truth to the max. I did ask a contractor to
come by and give me an estimate about some minor work in the
kitchen and you did happen to come home when he was here.
There is no surprising you, Inspector Gadget! One of the
workmen did come back another day to take some measurements
and bring me some tiles and paint colors to look over. As
far as taking you anywhere, especially one of the hardware
stores, it's like taking a seven year old. What’s this?
What does this do? Have you ever used one of these? Why is
this so small, or large, or long or whatever? You never
stop asking questions. That's why I have to sneak over to
Lowe’s just to be able to browse at my leisure without
having to explain how a hammer works. I would never take
you down the garden tool aisle because you would have to
touch every tool in there, and ask me a thousand questions
about what they are used for. This summer is a perfect
time for us to get some much needed changes done to the
kitchen and maybe a couple of other rooms while I am at it.
This should not inconvenience you too much since all you
do when you're not working is sit out on the
porch and read. You can still do that. As far as the
two week period when the kitchen is closed, I can
offer you several good options. One, order a Pizza and
have it delivered to the front porch. Two, bring something
to eat with you so you don’t starve. Third, go on a diet
and just eat apples every day for two weeks. You save
money, lose weight, and get fresh air, all in one fell swoop.
Don’t ever say I don’t take care of my man
Monday, May 28, 2012
Mother's Day
May 2012
He Said
Getting Old. Getting Older. I knew this day was
coming and that's why I married you. I know how
you cared for and doted on your Mother.
All men should learn this one important fact.
If you want to judge how your wife is going to
be in the future, look at how she treats her
mother. Is she warm, kindhearted and more importantly,
does she take care of her mother's needs? This my
friend is an example of how she will be treating you
in the future. Getting back to you and this
age thing. Have you noticed that I don't hear as well?'
Have you noticed that I am constantly dropping things?
Have you noticed that I don't pick up my clothes
everyday? Wait a minute ,that is not old age, that is
just me being lazy and I have done that since I was a
teenager so that doesn't count. I know I don't complain
much, maybe a little whining from time to time, but I
swear, every joint in my body aches. I would say it is
from too much exercise, but you would say that's impossible,
because I never exercise. One day my shoulder aches, one
day my foot hurts, one day I have a tooth ache, the next
day I have pain in my elbow. Does everyone feel like
this at my age or is my body just falling apart in front
of me?
Why don't I ever hear you complain about these things?
All I hear you complain about is your weight and I have
justified that for myself by saying the scales must be
broken. That works for me. Anyway I am thanking you
before hand for your future endeavors as a nurse.
Keep up your strength, I'll need someone to push me
in my wheelchair around the mall on Mother's Day.
She Said
If I remember correctly, you were complaining about
pain and trying to get out of work in the eleventh grade.
You have never been one to jump up and down, participate
in sports, be outside longer than the time it takes for
you to go from the house to your car and back again. As
far as getting older, that's just a natural part of life
and it sure beats the alternative. I'll give you three
guesses as to how you look at it and the first two don't
count. You have been working towards this day since you
were a little kid. You are probably not physically tired,
just mentally tired from the challenge of figuring out
how to get out of work, how to get out of exercise, how
to stay out of sun, how to avoid doing anything that
constitutes making an effort. I think most of your"old
age pain" is in your head. My duties as a daughter
were no more harder than the duties as a mother to my
children. I took care of my mother because she took care
of me. I imagine it took your mother, your father, your
sister, and maybe several cousins to keep you on course.
You know if you get sick that I'll be the first one to
take care of you, nurture you, and help you however I can.
But be assured I'll also be the one to kick your behind
and get you back in gear. I know that you will hire someone
nice to watch over me while you read, go to movies, and
go out to eat. Will he look like Blake Shelton or Adam Levine?
This is just part of the pact that I knew existed when we got
married. But in all seriousness I, too, have watched how you
treat your Mother and your children. You are good about
calling your mother everyday, and visiting every
weekend and I think you do all of that not only because
you are responsible but because you truly love your mother
and your father. I know if I get sick in any way that you
will be there or send someone to take care of me
(either Blake or Adam...doesn't matter).
He Said
Getting Old. Getting Older. I knew this day was
coming and that's why I married you. I know how
you cared for and doted on your Mother.
All men should learn this one important fact.
If you want to judge how your wife is going to
be in the future, look at how she treats her
mother. Is she warm, kindhearted and more importantly,
does she take care of her mother's needs? This my
friend is an example of how she will be treating you
in the future. Getting back to you and this
age thing. Have you noticed that I don't hear as well?'
Have you noticed that I am constantly dropping things?
Have you noticed that I don't pick up my clothes
everyday? Wait a minute ,that is not old age, that is
just me being lazy and I have done that since I was a
teenager so that doesn't count. I know I don't complain
much, maybe a little whining from time to time, but I
swear, every joint in my body aches. I would say it is
from too much exercise, but you would say that's impossible,
because I never exercise. One day my shoulder aches, one
day my foot hurts, one day I have a tooth ache, the next
day I have pain in my elbow. Does everyone feel like
this at my age or is my body just falling apart in front
of me?
Why don't I ever hear you complain about these things?
All I hear you complain about is your weight and I have
justified that for myself by saying the scales must be
broken. That works for me. Anyway I am thanking you
before hand for your future endeavors as a nurse.
Keep up your strength, I'll need someone to push me
in my wheelchair around the mall on Mother's Day.
She Said
If I remember correctly, you were complaining about
pain and trying to get out of work in the eleventh grade.
You have never been one to jump up and down, participate
in sports, be outside longer than the time it takes for
you to go from the house to your car and back again. As
far as getting older, that's just a natural part of life
and it sure beats the alternative. I'll give you three
guesses as to how you look at it and the first two don't
count. You have been working towards this day since you
were a little kid. You are probably not physically tired,
just mentally tired from the challenge of figuring out
how to get out of work, how to get out of exercise, how
to stay out of sun, how to avoid doing anything that
constitutes making an effort. I think most of your"old
age pain" is in your head. My duties as a daughter
were no more harder than the duties as a mother to my
children. I took care of my mother because she took care
of me. I imagine it took your mother, your father, your
sister, and maybe several cousins to keep you on course.
You know if you get sick that I'll be the first one to
take care of you, nurture you, and help you however I can.
But be assured I'll also be the one to kick your behind
and get you back in gear. I know that you will hire someone
nice to watch over me while you read, go to movies, and
go out to eat. Will he look like Blake Shelton or Adam Levine?
This is just part of the pact that I knew existed when we got
married. But in all seriousness I, too, have watched how you
treat your Mother and your children. You are good about
calling your mother everyday, and visiting every
weekend and I think you do all of that not only because
you are responsible but because you truly love your mother
and your father. I know if I get sick in any way that you
will be there or send someone to take care of me
(either Blake or Adam...doesn't matter).
This Highfaluting Marriage
He Said She Said – April 2012 This Highfaluting Marriage
He Said
Someone once told me to marry above my raising.
I was not sure what that meant then but I am starting
to see what it means now. It means marry someone prettier,
richer, and smarter than me. I think with you
I have done just that. I don’t think a day goes
by when I am not reminded that I have done something else
wrong, or it is not proper, or something just plain gets on
your last nerve.
I don’t know how many nerves you have in your body, but
I am sure that we are getting close to the end in this first
year of marriage. By the time we die you will be void of
any nerves at all and will be working on just plain common sense.
The latest snafu for me is going out to a restaurant with
you and being told as we left the premises that I was the only
person you had ever met in your life that eats fish with his
hands. We are not talking about boiled fish. We are not talking
scallops and we are not talking about baked fish covered with
all that red stuff.
We are talking the all-American deliciously fried fish and chips.
As I explained to you , cutting into a battered fried piece of
fish with a two inch crust is just going to make that crust
come apart and fling itself all over the plate. You are left
with just a piece of white fish with no coating. Who can eat that?
I did a little experiment the next day. I went to a local fast food
fish place and there were a total of 10 tables with couples eating
fish. Nine out of the ten tables had customers picking up their fried
fish and eating it with their hands. So much for highfaluting. As I
told you before, a piece of fried fish is like a piece of fried
chicken. How many people do you see using a knife and fork to eat a
chicken leg?
She Said
So you think you married above your raising? That must
be a southern phrase; you know all of my relatives are from
the north and I'm not used to that one. Let me guess... if you
marry someone equal to you,that means you can eat
with your fingers, wipe your mouth with your shirt sleeve,
put your elbows on the table, and slurp your soup?
Honestly, I wasn't criticizing you when you were eating
FRIED fish with your fingers...I just never saw that before.
Fish and chicken are two different foods to me and there is a
bone to hold on to with chicken but fish bones don't offer much
support. As far as getting on my last nerve goes: if it hasn't
happened in 50 years, it probably isn't going to. Funny thing
about your little experiment. You probably went to a fast food
fish establishment at lunch time when people were hurrying
to get back to work. The EVENING I said something to you
about eating with your fingers, we were at a seafood restaurant
just a step above your lunch time delight. But just this once,
I'll let it go.You explained the part about the breading on
the fish and how much damage your fork would do to it and I
wouldn't spoil your fun for all of the fish in the ocean!!!
He Said
Someone once told me to marry above my raising.
I was not sure what that meant then but I am starting
to see what it means now. It means marry someone prettier,
richer, and smarter than me. I think with you
I have done just that. I don’t think a day goes
by when I am not reminded that I have done something else
wrong, or it is not proper, or something just plain gets on
your last nerve.
I don’t know how many nerves you have in your body, but
I am sure that we are getting close to the end in this first
year of marriage. By the time we die you will be void of
any nerves at all and will be working on just plain common sense.
The latest snafu for me is going out to a restaurant with
you and being told as we left the premises that I was the only
person you had ever met in your life that eats fish with his
hands. We are not talking about boiled fish. We are not talking
scallops and we are not talking about baked fish covered with
all that red stuff.
We are talking the all-American deliciously fried fish and chips.
As I explained to you , cutting into a battered fried piece of
fish with a two inch crust is just going to make that crust
come apart and fling itself all over the plate. You are left
with just a piece of white fish with no coating. Who can eat that?
I did a little experiment the next day. I went to a local fast food
fish place and there were a total of 10 tables with couples eating
fish. Nine out of the ten tables had customers picking up their fried
fish and eating it with their hands. So much for highfaluting. As I
told you before, a piece of fried fish is like a piece of fried
chicken. How many people do you see using a knife and fork to eat a
chicken leg?
She Said
So you think you married above your raising? That must
be a southern phrase; you know all of my relatives are from
the north and I'm not used to that one. Let me guess... if you
marry someone equal to you,that means you can eat
with your fingers, wipe your mouth with your shirt sleeve,
put your elbows on the table, and slurp your soup?
Honestly, I wasn't criticizing you when you were eating
FRIED fish with your fingers...I just never saw that before.
Fish and chicken are two different foods to me and there is a
bone to hold on to with chicken but fish bones don't offer much
support. As far as getting on my last nerve goes: if it hasn't
happened in 50 years, it probably isn't going to. Funny thing
about your little experiment. You probably went to a fast food
fish establishment at lunch time when people were hurrying
to get back to work. The EVENING I said something to you
about eating with your fingers, we were at a seafood restaurant
just a step above your lunch time delight. But just this once,
I'll let it go.You explained the part about the breading on
the fish and how much damage your fork would do to it and I
wouldn't spoil your fun for all of the fish in the ocean!!!
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Teaching Behavioral Modifications
He Said She Said
He Said
One of the reasons (among many) that you and I didn't
date in high school was because you thought I was a hooligan.
Well, I was...and I wasn't. I did enjoy the occasional prank.
I did enjoy questioning my teachers if I thought they were wrong.
And I did enjoy my occasional nap while in the classroom. If
that makes me a hooligan, then I am guilty as charged. All of
this leads me to the behavioral modifications of yesteryear
and today's conduct rules. When you come home from school
and tell me some of the behavior problems you
encounter today, it sounds far more serious than the trivial
shenanigans that I use to pull in school. I got sent home
for three days suspension because I wouldn't comb my hair
to the teachers' liking. I told her that if she would comb
out that bun on top of her head, then I would stop wearing
my hair like the Beatles. Back to the office I went. If a
student throws a chair at another student in your
class, he/she may get In School Suspension. I got into a
fight one time and the principal spanked me with a paddle.
Then when I got home,I got spanked by my father, my mother,
and probably my sister. Today, the punishment would be less
severe. None of this is your fault of course because of the
guidelines you have to follow but when I hear stories like this,
I think that if I was a teacher, the students
wouldn't get away with so much.
THEY WOULD HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE WRATH OF MR. OLDHAM.
One visit with me and they would behave all year long.
She Said
Aretha Franklin, where are you? R E S P E C T !!! The major
ingredient missing in the classroom today that was alive and
well in your day is respect. Many of the students who
misbehave today haven't been taught to respect their parents,
or themselves so why should they respect their teachers or the
rules set before them? You use to be a teachers' worst nightmare
because you were so defiant and it's ironic today when you
explain to me exactly why students are so belligerent
and what makes then tick. You should know. The principal had
a paddle with your name on it and it even had holes in it so
he could swing harder and faster. Teachers would end up in
court today for abuse.Freedom of speech is a whole new ball
game in today's climate. A large majority of students don't
see anything wrong with talking back to teachers because they
are allowed to get away with it at home. They don't do homework
simply because they don't want to but in our day, we were
afraid NOT to do our homework. (Maybe I should speak for myself).
I've heard you say that if you taught school today, you
wouldn't have any behavior problems because you would calmly
"discuss their options" and give them a choice.
WELL, BRING IT ON!! You'd probably end up in
ISS yourself for abandoning school rules in favor of your own.
He Said
One of the reasons (among many) that you and I didn't
date in high school was because you thought I was a hooligan.
Well, I was...and I wasn't. I did enjoy the occasional prank.
I did enjoy questioning my teachers if I thought they were wrong.
And I did enjoy my occasional nap while in the classroom. If
that makes me a hooligan, then I am guilty as charged. All of
this leads me to the behavioral modifications of yesteryear
and today's conduct rules. When you come home from school
and tell me some of the behavior problems you
encounter today, it sounds far more serious than the trivial
shenanigans that I use to pull in school. I got sent home
for three days suspension because I wouldn't comb my hair
to the teachers' liking. I told her that if she would comb
out that bun on top of her head, then I would stop wearing
my hair like the Beatles. Back to the office I went. If a
student throws a chair at another student in your
class, he/she may get In School Suspension. I got into a
fight one time and the principal spanked me with a paddle.
Then when I got home,I got spanked by my father, my mother,
and probably my sister. Today, the punishment would be less
severe. None of this is your fault of course because of the
guidelines you have to follow but when I hear stories like this,
I think that if I was a teacher, the students
wouldn't get away with so much.
THEY WOULD HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE WRATH OF MR. OLDHAM.
One visit with me and they would behave all year long.
She Said
Aretha Franklin, where are you? R E S P E C T !!! The major
ingredient missing in the classroom today that was alive and
well in your day is respect. Many of the students who
misbehave today haven't been taught to respect their parents,
or themselves so why should they respect their teachers or the
rules set before them? You use to be a teachers' worst nightmare
because you were so defiant and it's ironic today when you
explain to me exactly why students are so belligerent
and what makes then tick. You should know. The principal had
a paddle with your name on it and it even had holes in it so
he could swing harder and faster. Teachers would end up in
court today for abuse.Freedom of speech is a whole new ball
game in today's climate. A large majority of students don't
see anything wrong with talking back to teachers because they
are allowed to get away with it at home. They don't do homework
simply because they don't want to but in our day, we were
afraid NOT to do our homework. (Maybe I should speak for myself).
I've heard you say that if you taught school today, you
wouldn't have any behavior problems because you would calmly
"discuss their options" and give them a choice.
WELL, BRING IT ON!! You'd probably end up in
ISS yourself for abandoning school rules in favor of your own.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Where is the love?
He Said She Said Showcase February 2012 Where is the Love?
He Said
The new year is off to a good start and then, “wham”, February hits and once again it is time to talk about “love”. I think about all the different kinds of love that people go through so naturally I think about you and me. We met in high school, stayed friends all these many years, went through all kinds of trials and tribulations in other relationships, put our high school reunions together every five years, and celebrated all the growth in our children's lives. I even think about growing up without pets in my life and then coming into your life and discovering the love of a dog. Not a deep love, mind you, but an acceptance of having a pet in your life. I understand your need of course, because the dog doesn't talk back so you don't have to listen to her opinions ad nauseum. But you do spend a great deal of time talking to her, feeding her, walking her, and worrying about why she sometimes doesn't eat. Now I am not jealous of your dog per se, but I have not learned to love her with the same depth of feeling that you have. Since we are talking about “love” this month, I just wonder if love that we feel for each other is as deep as the love we feel for other things in our lives...for instance, FOOD. I do love food. For me I love food more than the dog. I don't love food more than you, of course, although country style steak and mashed potatoes sure are scrumptious. I guess the love of bread and soda's, french fries and other gastronomical delights can't really be considered the same kind of love as the love of a human or even a pet. I just want to be fair and make sure we don't forget the love of other things that are important. We shouldn't be self centered when it comes to love; we should share the limelight. LOVE equals FOOD, er, um I mean, LOVE equals YOU.
She Said
Leave it to you to work in your spiel, all the creature comforts that surround you. Yes, you mentioned our love one time, and you skirted around the love of Sophie (whom you refer to as our pet. she's more like our child). If the truth be known you probably “love” your country ham biscuits more than Sophie or me. You would probably rather have a hot dog from Yum Yum and a chocolate ice cream cone than me. So if you want to know some of the things I love, let's see. I really love to redecorate and remodel the house. In fact, there are so many coats of paint on the walls, that I'm sure the house is smaller than when I bought it. I love to sew and I want to learn to knit. I love snorkeling, traveling, and bargain shopping. Notice that I didn't mention food or eating. My New Years Resolution is to eat to live, not vice versa.I can see that you are growing more fond of food as the years go by and the sight doesn't look very pretty. I appreciate good food also, but I do know how to temper myself. You writing about your love of food and trying to equate it with February isn't really endearing to me or our relationship. Maybe I should step back and take a better look at what you say you love and help you get your priorities in order; I promise you that Krispy Kreme doughnuts will be way on down the list.That first priority should be loving me with all your heart even if you are starving to death, after all I married you until death we do part. Pastor Joe didn't say that you should eat yourself to death, he said you should honor and obey me until death we do part. I don't want you to leave early from overeating.
Are you feeling the love yet?
Happy Valentine's Day
He Said
The new year is off to a good start and then, “wham”, February hits and once again it is time to talk about “love”. I think about all the different kinds of love that people go through so naturally I think about you and me. We met in high school, stayed friends all these many years, went through all kinds of trials and tribulations in other relationships, put our high school reunions together every five years, and celebrated all the growth in our children's lives. I even think about growing up without pets in my life and then coming into your life and discovering the love of a dog. Not a deep love, mind you, but an acceptance of having a pet in your life. I understand your need of course, because the dog doesn't talk back so you don't have to listen to her opinions ad nauseum. But you do spend a great deal of time talking to her, feeding her, walking her, and worrying about why she sometimes doesn't eat. Now I am not jealous of your dog per se, but I have not learned to love her with the same depth of feeling that you have. Since we are talking about “love” this month, I just wonder if love that we feel for each other is as deep as the love we feel for other things in our lives...for instance, FOOD. I do love food. For me I love food more than the dog. I don't love food more than you, of course, although country style steak and mashed potatoes sure are scrumptious. I guess the love of bread and soda's, french fries and other gastronomical delights can't really be considered the same kind of love as the love of a human or even a pet. I just want to be fair and make sure we don't forget the love of other things that are important. We shouldn't be self centered when it comes to love; we should share the limelight. LOVE equals FOOD, er, um I mean, LOVE equals YOU.
She Said
Leave it to you to work in your spiel, all the creature comforts that surround you. Yes, you mentioned our love one time, and you skirted around the love of Sophie (whom you refer to as our pet. she's more like our child). If the truth be known you probably “love” your country ham biscuits more than Sophie or me. You would probably rather have a hot dog from Yum Yum and a chocolate ice cream cone than me. So if you want to know some of the things I love, let's see. I really love to redecorate and remodel the house. In fact, there are so many coats of paint on the walls, that I'm sure the house is smaller than when I bought it. I love to sew and I want to learn to knit. I love snorkeling, traveling, and bargain shopping. Notice that I didn't mention food or eating. My New Years Resolution is to eat to live, not vice versa.I can see that you are growing more fond of food as the years go by and the sight doesn't look very pretty. I appreciate good food also, but I do know how to temper myself. You writing about your love of food and trying to equate it with February isn't really endearing to me or our relationship. Maybe I should step back and take a better look at what you say you love and help you get your priorities in order; I promise you that Krispy Kreme doughnuts will be way on down the list.That first priority should be loving me with all your heart even if you are starving to death, after all I married you until death we do part. Pastor Joe didn't say that you should eat yourself to death, he said you should honor and obey me until death we do part. I don't want you to leave early from overeating.
Are you feeling the love yet?
Happy Valentine's Day
Monday, January 16, 2012
Nightmare at Our House
He Said She Said Jan.2012 Nightmare at Our House
He Said
It’s four o'clock in the morning and I’m sleeping like a baby. Suddenly I hear groaning, whining, and loud breathing, simultaneously. I’m not worried about being knifed, shot, or robbed. I’m worried that you have awakened with another one of your nightmares. Most people dream and occasionally have scary dreams but you have some really weird activities going on in your head while the rest of the world in trying to sleep. You are the only person that I know of who has realistic dreams, realistic to you, anyway. When you awaken and start berating me because of what you dream I start to get just a little worried and a lot paranoid. Number one, I am not the cause of the problems in your dream process but for some reason I get the blame. This latest one takes the cake and I hope you don't mind if I share it. You came back from the bathroom at 4 AM and I asked if you were all right. In a dejected voice, you told me that you were mad at me. Now this isn’t good to hear at 4:00 in the afternoon, let along 4:00 in the morning. “What did I do”, I asked innocently. “You told me you didn't love me any more and that you were leaving”. “Oh” I said. “What did you do that made me want to leave?” I had to stifle a laugh when you told me that I left you because I was jealous of your TV. You must be feeling guilty because you would rather watch TV than spend time alone with me. You know I don’t like most TV programs and I’d rather both of us spend time talking or reading so in order to compensate for your guilt, you manufactured this ridiculous dream to blame me for it. No matter how much I tried to explain that this dream wasn’t real, I couldn’t convince you of it. You kept saying that it seemed so real. I can hardly wait for the next dream to see what I’m going to be blamed for next.
She Said
First of all, I’m completely aware of the fact that dreams aren’t real. But that doesn’t keep me from being angry with you for doing something to trigger the thoughts precipitating a nightmare. Who else can get into my psyche like you do? Remember last month when we were at the Institute viewing the Christmas trees with a friend of mine and you ran into a former neighbor? We were across the room from you and your friend asked which one was your wife. I had on a white sweater and she had on a red one; without hesitating, you said the one wearing the red sweater and you didn't bother to explain. So that night you dreampt that an old girlfriend ran off with your best friend. Serves you right for that dry sense of humor you constantly exhibit. If you would just let me come home from work, relax, go out to dinner, and get to bed early with no outside interference, maybe I wouldn't go to sleep all keyed up and anxious. That anxiety is more than likely what causes nightmares. As long as we’re talking about dreams/ nightmares, I particularly liked the one you had about Sophie and you profess not to even like dogs. You have to admit, she's an awesome dog who has won you over. She gets all wiggly and excited just looking at you so if that isn't reality, I don't know what is. The good thing about when you dream though is that you’re able to keep quiet enough for me to sleep through them. In your case, your dreams are probably triggered by something on TRU TV or one of those shows that you watch on that thing that you don't like CALLED A TELEVISION. I guess one thing is for certain, sleeping with each other is never dull just a new dimension for us old timers
He Said
It’s four o'clock in the morning and I’m sleeping like a baby. Suddenly I hear groaning, whining, and loud breathing, simultaneously. I’m not worried about being knifed, shot, or robbed. I’m worried that you have awakened with another one of your nightmares. Most people dream and occasionally have scary dreams but you have some really weird activities going on in your head while the rest of the world in trying to sleep. You are the only person that I know of who has realistic dreams, realistic to you, anyway. When you awaken and start berating me because of what you dream I start to get just a little worried and a lot paranoid. Number one, I am not the cause of the problems in your dream process but for some reason I get the blame. This latest one takes the cake and I hope you don't mind if I share it. You came back from the bathroom at 4 AM and I asked if you were all right. In a dejected voice, you told me that you were mad at me. Now this isn’t good to hear at 4:00 in the afternoon, let along 4:00 in the morning. “What did I do”, I asked innocently. “You told me you didn't love me any more and that you were leaving”. “Oh” I said. “What did you do that made me want to leave?” I had to stifle a laugh when you told me that I left you because I was jealous of your TV. You must be feeling guilty because you would rather watch TV than spend time alone with me. You know I don’t like most TV programs and I’d rather both of us spend time talking or reading so in order to compensate for your guilt, you manufactured this ridiculous dream to blame me for it. No matter how much I tried to explain that this dream wasn’t real, I couldn’t convince you of it. You kept saying that it seemed so real. I can hardly wait for the next dream to see what I’m going to be blamed for next.
She Said
First of all, I’m completely aware of the fact that dreams aren’t real. But that doesn’t keep me from being angry with you for doing something to trigger the thoughts precipitating a nightmare. Who else can get into my psyche like you do? Remember last month when we were at the Institute viewing the Christmas trees with a friend of mine and you ran into a former neighbor? We were across the room from you and your friend asked which one was your wife. I had on a white sweater and she had on a red one; without hesitating, you said the one wearing the red sweater and you didn't bother to explain. So that night you dreampt that an old girlfriend ran off with your best friend. Serves you right for that dry sense of humor you constantly exhibit. If you would just let me come home from work, relax, go out to dinner, and get to bed early with no outside interference, maybe I wouldn't go to sleep all keyed up and anxious. That anxiety is more than likely what causes nightmares. As long as we’re talking about dreams/ nightmares, I particularly liked the one you had about Sophie and you profess not to even like dogs. You have to admit, she's an awesome dog who has won you over. She gets all wiggly and excited just looking at you so if that isn't reality, I don't know what is. The good thing about when you dream though is that you’re able to keep quiet enough for me to sleep through them. In your case, your dreams are probably triggered by something on TRU TV or one of those shows that you watch on that thing that you don't like CALLED A TELEVISION. I guess one thing is for certain, sleeping with each other is never dull just a new dimension for us old timers
Noisy Marriage - December 2011
He Said
Naysayers have been exhorting “How is your first year of marriage?” Tongue in cheek, of course, when what they really want to ask is “Are you still married?” Now, I’m not too sure about the reason for this question except that sometimes I do get a little explicit with information about our relationship. As I have told some people, “Yes, we are still married” and “No, she is not trying to have it annulled...yet.” When they ask me how it has been I always tell them it is wonderful. We should have gotten married long ago. They laugh; I laugh and all is well. However, when I start thinking about it,
there are a couple of small details that could probably be worked on if I’m totally honest. After all, I think that communication is the secret to all successful relationships so I will try to communicate a few minor infractions without upsetting you. Just remember these are all positive suggestions not quirks about you per se and it will only make our marriage stronger!
Your alarm clatters at 4:45 AM and it awakens me before it even begins to arouse you. You get dressed, walk the dog, take her downstairs and get on that infernal elliptical machine with the morning news blaring. I DON’T CARE WHO DID WHAT TO WHOM AT 4:45 AM! Then you come upstairs and take a shower. I guess it’s soap or whatever you drop but it sounds like an earthquake behind the curtain or maybe you’ve slipped and fallen down in the tub. Could you do it a little quieter? When you finally turn the water off, it’s time for the loudest hairdryer ever manufactured. And those curlers must be made of steel because when you drop one in the sink, it vibrates the whole vanity. Now it’s time for your makeup and I bet you open and close the drawer two dozen times before you’re finished. I promise you, you’re not that homely so what are you trying to cover up? As if that isn’t enough, when you drop something on the floor, you groan when you bend over to pick it up; I’ve heard Sophie howl with less noise.
At the risk of suffering your wrath, could you please pacify me by going in another room to get ready so I can have my beauty sleep?
She Said
Oh, I can go in another room all right. In fact, I tried to do just that over the summer and you said “No, it’s too much trouble to move everything”. It’s just like you to negate one of my suggestions just so you can whine about it. Communication must be some new revelation if you’ve practiced it in the past because you’ve had too many failed relationships for it to work. Let’s take this little by little. First of all, I have to get up at 4:45 if I am to accomplish my daily routine and get to school on time. You could get up at the same time, go downstairs with me, and use the Bowflex while I’m on the elliptical. You could use some toning, you know. Then we could both get ready for work at the same time, eat breakfast (guess who cooks every morning?) and hustle off to work with more energy than you can imagine. About my hairdryer…I’ve tried closing the door and it feels like a steam room so my make up starts dripping. I’ll save the response for what I’m trying to cover up for later.
Just a side note…do you remember when I surprised you last year by putting up a Christmas tree in the bedroom with colored lights just for you? Don’t hold your breath this year and I can promise you
the sound of Christmas carols will not be heard in the bedroom this December.
Merry Christmas everyone from Larry and Dena.
Setting Me Up for the Fall - November 2011
He Said
Fall weather is finally here and most people are happy that the summer heat is over and winter is right around the corner. Everyone is happy except for me. I am hiding behind every nook and cranny from you because I know what is coming. You will start talking about the beautiful yellow and orange leaves on the trees in our yard. I will start cringing at the idea that someone is going to have to rake all of these bad boy leaves up and I just hope it isn't going to be me. You will start complaining about it getting dark earlier and you can't go for a walk around the block. I will look at you with my big old brown eyes as sad as a puppy dog, while my mind is thinking "yay, I get to keep her in the house with me." You will start asking me to go on Stubhub every night to find the cheapest prices on football tickets for next weeks' UVA game and I will go online to the weather station praying for a forecast of rain. You will start hinting about what everyone would like for Christmas and I will start complaining about how the bills are piling up. You will start whining about the grass getting dry and complaining because you didn't get to cut it all winter and I will be thanking God that I didn't have to hear the deafening noise of that lawnmower. It disturbs me while I'm sitting on the porch trying to read a good book, you know. You will be looking out of the picture window in the living room hoping that any day it will snow and I will be trying to find a good place to hide the snow shovel. Yes, we both love the fall and winter...BUT for very different reasons.
She Said
It's a good thing that opposites attract because that's about the most pessimistic paragraph I've ever read. But then, look who wrote it. I keep telling you that your glass should be half full instead of half empty but you don't believe me. I love the fact that we have four seasons, even though sometimes they melt into each other with little or no difference. By the time I'm tired of one season, the next one comes along. In the fall, there are so many events to look forward to. Beautiful leaves, fall festivals, craft shows and a new crop of students are just a few of the changes that occur each year. Yes, it gets dark earlier and I can't go on long walks as easily but I can still exercise at home and it also gives me time to work on my "bucket list" that you discussed in Sunday School one day. I know you don't particularly like attending sports' events but I do need to remind you that when you are at such an event, YOU DO NOT LIKE TO BE INTERRUPTED. (You have a one track mind). As far as Christmas goes, since we each have our own adult children, we do our own thing so that shouldn't give rise to "bills piling up". Now to the lawnmower...it's broken so you certainly won't have to listen to it any more. Maybe I should generate a quiz on what ever book you say you're reading now to prove that it's just possible that you're sleeping instead of reading and that's the real reason why the lawnmower disturbs you. Yes, I do have my nose pressed against the window hoping for snow though because it cleanses the universe, leaving an immaculate white coat over all of God's creations leaving behind a peaceful silence.
Fall weather is finally here and most people are happy that the summer heat is over and winter is right around the corner. Everyone is happy except for me. I am hiding behind every nook and cranny from you because I know what is coming. You will start talking about the beautiful yellow and orange leaves on the trees in our yard. I will start cringing at the idea that someone is going to have to rake all of these bad boy leaves up and I just hope it isn't going to be me. You will start complaining about it getting dark earlier and you can't go for a walk around the block. I will look at you with my big old brown eyes as sad as a puppy dog, while my mind is thinking "yay, I get to keep her in the house with me." You will start asking me to go on Stubhub every night to find the cheapest prices on football tickets for next weeks' UVA game and I will go online to the weather station praying for a forecast of rain. You will start hinting about what everyone would like for Christmas and I will start complaining about how the bills are piling up. You will start whining about the grass getting dry and complaining because you didn't get to cut it all winter and I will be thanking God that I didn't have to hear the deafening noise of that lawnmower. It disturbs me while I'm sitting on the porch trying to read a good book, you know. You will be looking out of the picture window in the living room hoping that any day it will snow and I will be trying to find a good place to hide the snow shovel. Yes, we both love the fall and winter...BUT for very different reasons.
She Said
It's a good thing that opposites attract because that's about the most pessimistic paragraph I've ever read. But then, look who wrote it. I keep telling you that your glass should be half full instead of half empty but you don't believe me. I love the fact that we have four seasons, even though sometimes they melt into each other with little or no difference. By the time I'm tired of one season, the next one comes along. In the fall, there are so many events to look forward to. Beautiful leaves, fall festivals, craft shows and a new crop of students are just a few of the changes that occur each year. Yes, it gets dark earlier and I can't go on long walks as easily but I can still exercise at home and it also gives me time to work on my "bucket list" that you discussed in Sunday School one day. I know you don't particularly like attending sports' events but I do need to remind you that when you are at such an event, YOU DO NOT LIKE TO BE INTERRUPTED. (You have a one track mind). As far as Christmas goes, since we each have our own adult children, we do our own thing so that shouldn't give rise to "bills piling up". Now to the lawnmower...it's broken so you certainly won't have to listen to it any more. Maybe I should generate a quiz on what ever book you say you're reading now to prove that it's just possible that you're sleeping instead of reading and that's the real reason why the lawnmower disturbs you. Yes, I do have my nose pressed against the window hoping for snow though because it cleanses the universe, leaving an immaculate white coat over all of God's creations leaving behind a peaceful silence.
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