Who Are All These Men?

He Said She Said Showcase Magazine June 2012 – Who are all these Men?

He Said


Summer is upon us and suddenly I find myself coming home,
not to my sweet and loving wife but to a bunch of different
looking men who are going through the house measuring,
making suggestions, and in general trying to change
at least one thing in every room of the house. One day
I stopped one of them to find out just why he was there
and he proceeded to tell me that you had actually invited
him and all of his cronies to roam around. It was not just
one day in a given week, but on several days in a two
week span. I recalled that we had been taking more than
the usual number of trips to Lowe’s and Home Depot recently.
Since I don’t know how any of those things in home improvement
stores work anyway, I just follow you from department
to department, with my hands In my pocket because you told
me not to touch anything.
It seems to me that if they have all those trinket’s out on
the shelves, they are begging to be touched.

Why would anyone mind if I touched a hammer, or a light fixture?
I'm not going to use either one of them.

Getting back to the men in the house, I find that we are
getting ready to do a partial make over in the kitchen and
Lord knows what else in those other rooms. I asked one of
those workmen if his wife could cook and he said that she's
another Betty Crocker. So I asked him if I could go home
with him because one of the other men told me that our kitchen
would be closed for at least two weeks.

A MAN CAN STARVE TO DEATH IN TWO WEEIKS!


She Said

Looking at your physique, I doubt that you have to worry about
starving to death anytime soon. I think You have once again
embellished the truth to the max. I did ask a contractor to
come by and give me an estimate about some minor work in the
kitchen and you did happen to come home when he was here.
There is no surprising you, Inspector Gadget! One of the
workmen did come back another day to take some measurements
and bring me some tiles and paint colors to look over. As
far as taking you anywhere, especially one of the hardware
stores, it's like taking a seven year old. What’s this?
What does this do? Have you ever used one of these? Why is
this so small, or large, or long or whatever? You never
stop asking questions. That's why I have to sneak over to
Lowe’s just to be able to browse at my leisure without
having to explain how a hammer works. I would never take
you down the garden tool aisle because you would have to
touch every tool in there, and ask me a thousand questions
about what they are used for. This summer is a perfect
time for us to get some much needed changes done to the
kitchen and maybe a couple of other rooms while I am at it.

This should not inconvenience you too much since all you
do when you're not working is sit out on the
porch and read. You can still do that. As far as the
two week period when the kitchen is closed, I can
offer you several good options. One, order a Pizza and
have it delivered to the front porch. Two, bring something
to eat with you so you don’t starve. Third, go on a diet
and just eat apples every day for two weeks. You save
money, lose weight, and get fresh air, all in one fell swoop.

Don’t ever say I don’t take care of my man