Why did God invent TV ?

He Said

I remember when the television first came out in the
fifties for me. Black and White and only one or
two stations and you got your reception using an TV
antenna , or rabbit ears. I enjoyed my fair share
of TV in the fifties, Howdy Doody Time, Old Rebel Show,
Superman, Amos and Andy, Gunsmoke, and who could forget
The Mouseketeers, especially Annette. As I have grown
older , TV has either gotten worse, or I have grown up.
I do not need TV. TV certainly does not need me. In my
house the TV never comes on unless we have a war, a
catastrophe, or some important person gets married
besides me. (Princess Diana). Now I try to understand
the function of the TV, besides the excuse that it keeps
someone company. I mean you can get a dog to keep you
company and have more fun doing it.
She has five TV's and one day I am going to walk into
her house and sitting right in the bathroom will
be Matt Lauer staring back at me while I am sitting
on the throne. I mean give me a break. Her children
gave her a TV for the kitchen for Christmas.
(Good job kids),however, the kitchen was the only room
in the house where I could come over for breakfast
and we could share some time together talking just
the two of us. Now , of course, we listen with baited
breath about the next excursion that Matt is going
to take and is Meredith going with him. I mean really.
When is a man expected to get quality time with his girl.
It almost makes me want to get a dog. Not really.
Her dog is enough and that is a whole different story.


She Said

Here we go again. You are on your TV kick again.
About every two years he starts yapping about how
bad TV is, or the people who watch TV are somehow
inferior to him, or he is superior to everyone that
watches television. He has his moments. Some days
I walk in from being out and he is busy watching
Cops or Tru TV or that insane or inane Nancy Grace.
I agree with him wholeheartedly that he is not
a TV person. I will attest to the fact that he has
never watched American Idol. Should I give up TV for
him? Is he that important that I should give up the
Young and Restless? Do I want to miss Two and a
half men because he gets lonely easily? Love is
grand and all that but come on, give up Matt in
the morning? I should think not. Matt closes his
mouth when he chews, Matt does not talk back,
and Matt and I get along beautifully in the morning.
If Dr. McDreamy had a show I would buy two more TV's
for the rest of the house and maybe have TV put in
my car. Sophie, my poodle , has her own television
so she can watch Caesar............ to learn how to
behave better. Maybe there is a TV show that I can find
where he can learn to adapt better, learn to control
his needs and the judgment of others, and learn to
respect other peoples indulgences. Does anyone have
Dr. Phil's number? I think I need an intervention.

He Said She Said - Watching TV

He Said:

Does anyone remember what life was like before Television: families talking to each other, neighbors being neighborly, reading a book either for entertainment or for knowledge? Some people argue that we don't need books anymore because we have the internet. I am doing my part. I am buying every book I want to read some day. So far I have accumulated thousands of titles. Back to television. Everyone I know gets up in the morning and turns on the TV while getting ready for work (except the non-working friends) and you know who you are. When they come home from work, the first thing they do is turn on their TV. When they go to bed they set the timer on their TV so they can go to sleep. I call this death by Letterman. Pardon me, I meant sleep by Letterman. When Dena (my fiance') wants to go to sleep, she just asks me to talk to her or tell one of my famous stories,which always put her to sleep. I will admit that I occasionally watch Cops or Forensic Science or maybe an episode of Survivors, or maybe The Amazing Race. Dena does make me watch all of the Monday night sitcoms, which I find amusing in some ways; but to just turn the TV on for noise sake seems a disgrace to our own intelligence. I mean you do have the dog barking (incessantly), your son to talk to, or I can always tell you one of my many stories. I am not superior to anyone else, I just want to go back to an easier, friendlier, talk and listen relationship with family, friends, and neighbors. Now is that asking too much? If I could shoot all TV's, it would certainly put me out of my misery. It would also help a lot of other people to get a life. However, some people would go into withdrawals without their TV's and my killing the TV's before the conclusion of this seasons' Survivor would only result in opening the killing season on me. Then I would end up being on TV.Wouldn't that be ironic?

She Said:

Okay Mr. Pseudo Intellectual who thinks he's above TV. I've got two words for you: CLOSET WATCHER. You go around telling everybody you don't watch TV. You say you would rather read, when what you are reading is the TV Guide to find out when the next episode of Cops or World's Most Famous Car Chases comes on. You don't necessarily sneak around like a closet eater, but you act like you don't watch TV when in reality you do watch it. Who has fifteen boxes of recorded tapes of the OJ Trial? You recorded them off of WHAT? Oh, I remember, you recorded them off of the TV. Just because you don't watch it at the time, does not mean you are not watching it off of the TV! What about all of those times when you have meetings and you ask me to record Survivor or The Amazing Race? When you come over to watch those recorded shows, that is a form of TV watching to me. Let's take a look: THE CLASS, HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER, TWO AND A HALF MEN, CHRISTINA, WHAT ABOUT BRIAN, GREY'S ANATOMY, SURVIVOR, THE AMAZING RACE, NANCY GRACE, FORENSIC SCIENCE, and COPS. The last time I looked, these were all TV shows, not radio shows. As for you shooting your TV, you are much too frugal with money to destroy property. I have never seen you shoot a gun so you are probably a poor shot, and the biggest reason you won't kill your TV is because there is no TV Hunting Season Guide to tell you when to hunt and God forbid you miss a season of 24 or LOST. You need to dump this TV thing and if you want me, I'll be in my room watching DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES, which I am beginning to feel like!