Nightmare at Our House

He Said She Said Jan.2012 Nightmare at Our House

He Said

It’s four o'clock in the morning and I’m sleeping like a baby. Suddenly I hear groaning, whining, and loud breathing, simultaneously. I’m not worried about being knifed, shot, or robbed. I’m worried that you have awakened with another one of your nightmares. Most people dream and occasionally have scary dreams but you have some really weird activities going on in your head while the rest of the world in trying to sleep. You are the only person that I know of who has realistic dreams, realistic to you, anyway. When you awaken and start berating me because of what you dream I start to get just a little worried and a lot paranoid. Number one, I am not the cause of the problems in your dream process but for some reason I get the blame. This latest one takes the cake and I hope you don't mind if I share it. You came back from the bathroom at 4 AM and I asked if you were all right. In a dejected voice, you told me that you were mad at me. Now this isn’t good to hear at 4:00 in the afternoon, let along 4:00 in the morning. “What did I do”, I asked innocently. “You told me you didn't love me any more and that you were leaving”. “Oh” I said. “What did you do that made me want to leave?” I had to stifle a laugh when you told me that I left you because I was jealous of your TV. You must be feeling guilty because you would rather watch TV than spend time alone with me. You know I don’t like most TV programs and I’d rather both of us spend time talking or reading so in order to compensate for your guilt, you manufactured this ridiculous dream to blame me for it. No matter how much I tried to explain that this dream wasn’t real, I couldn’t convince you of it. You kept saying that it seemed so real. I can hardly wait for the next dream to see what I’m going to be blamed for next.



She Said



First of all, I’m completely aware of the fact that dreams aren’t real. But that doesn’t keep me from being angry with you for doing something to trigger the thoughts precipitating a nightmare. Who else can get into my psyche like you do? Remember last month when we were at the Institute viewing the Christmas trees with a friend of mine and you ran into a former neighbor? We were across the room from you and your friend asked which one was your wife. I had on a white sweater and she had on a red one; without hesitating, you said the one wearing the red sweater and you didn't bother to explain. So that night you dreampt that an old girlfriend ran off with your best friend. Serves you right for that dry sense of humor you constantly exhibit. If you would just let me come home from work, relax, go out to dinner, and get to bed early with no outside interference, maybe I wouldn't go to sleep all keyed up and anxious. That anxiety is more than likely what causes nightmares. As long as we’re talking about dreams/ nightmares, I particularly liked the one you had about Sophie and you profess not to even like dogs. You have to admit, she's an awesome dog who has won you over. She gets all wiggly and excited just looking at you so if that isn't reality, I don't know what is. The good thing about when you dream though is that you’re able to keep quiet enough for me to sleep through them. In your case, your dreams are probably triggered by something on TRU TV or one of those shows that you watch on that thing that you don't like CALLED A TELEVISION. I guess one thing is for certain, sleeping with each other is never dull just a new dimension for us old timers

Noisy Marriage - December 2011

He Said




Naysayers have been exhorting “How is your first year of marriage?” Tongue in cheek, of course, when what they really want to ask is “Are you still married?” Now, I’m not too sure about the reason for this question except that sometimes I do get a little explicit with information about our relationship. As I have told some people, “Yes, we are still married” and “No, she is not trying to have it annulled...yet.” When they ask me how it has been I always tell them it is wonderful. We should have gotten married long ago. They laugh; I laugh and all is well. However, when I start thinking about it,

there are a couple of small details that could probably be worked on if I’m totally honest. After all, I think that communication is the secret to all successful relationships so I will try to communicate a few minor infractions without upsetting you. Just remember these are all positive suggestions not quirks about you per se and it will only make our marriage stronger!

Your alarm clatters at 4:45 AM and it awakens me before it even begins to arouse you. You get dressed, walk the dog, take her downstairs and get on that infernal elliptical machine with the morning news blaring. I DON’T CARE WHO DID WHAT TO WHOM AT 4:45 AM! Then you come upstairs and take a shower. I guess it’s soap or whatever you drop but it sounds like an earthquake behind the curtain or maybe you’ve slipped and fallen down in the tub. Could you do it a little quieter? When you finally turn the water off, it’s time for the loudest hairdryer ever manufactured. And those curlers must be made of steel because when you drop one in the sink, it vibrates the whole vanity. Now it’s time for your makeup and I bet you open and close the drawer two dozen times before you’re finished. I promise you, you’re not that homely so what are you trying to cover up? As if that isn’t enough, when you drop something on the floor, you groan when you bend over to pick it up; I’ve heard Sophie howl with less noise.

At the risk of suffering your wrath, could you please pacify me by going in another room to get ready so I can have my beauty sleep?







She Said



Oh, I can go in another room all right. In fact, I tried to do just that over the summer and you said “No, it’s too much trouble to move everything”. It’s just like you to negate one of my suggestions just so you can whine about it. Communication must be some new revelation if you’ve practiced it in the past because you’ve had too many failed relationships for it to work. Let’s take this little by little. First of all, I have to get up at 4:45 if I am to accomplish my daily routine and get to school on time. You could get up at the same time, go downstairs with me, and use the Bowflex while I’m on the elliptical. You could use some toning, you know. Then we could both get ready for work at the same time, eat breakfast (guess who cooks every morning?) and hustle off to work with more energy than you can imagine. About my hairdryer…I’ve tried closing the door and it feels like a steam room so my make up starts dripping. I’ll save the response for what I’m trying to cover up for later.

Just a side note…do you remember when I surprised you last year by putting up a Christmas tree in the bedroom with colored lights just for you? Don’t hold your breath this year and I can promise you

the sound of Christmas carols will not be heard in the bedroom this December.





Merry Christmas everyone from Larry and Dena.

Setting Me Up for the Fall - November 2011

He Said



Fall weather is finally here and most people are happy that the summer heat is over and winter is right around the corner. Everyone is happy except for me. I am hiding behind every nook and cranny from you because I know what is coming. You will start talking about the beautiful yellow and orange leaves on the trees in our yard. I will start cringing at the idea that someone is going to have to rake all of these bad boy leaves up and I just hope it isn't going to be me. You will start complaining about it getting dark earlier and you can't go for a walk around the block. I will look at you with my big old brown eyes as sad as a puppy dog, while my mind is thinking "yay, I get to keep her in the house with me." You will start asking me to go on Stubhub every night to find the cheapest prices on football tickets for next weeks' UVA game and I will go online to the weather station praying for a forecast of rain. You will start hinting about what everyone would like for Christmas and I will start complaining about how the bills are piling up. You will start whining about the grass getting dry and complaining because you didn't get to cut it all winter and I will be thanking God that I didn't have to hear the deafening noise of that lawnmower. It disturbs me while I'm sitting on the porch trying to read a good book, you know. You will be looking out of the picture window in the living room hoping that any day it will snow and I will be trying to find a good place to hide the snow shovel. Yes, we both love the fall and winter...BUT for very different reasons.





She Said

It's a good thing that opposites attract because that's about the most pessimistic paragraph I've ever read. But then, look who wrote it. I keep telling you that your glass should be half full instead of half empty but you don't believe me. I love the fact that we have four seasons, even though sometimes they melt into each other with little or no difference. By the time I'm tired of one season, the next one comes along. In the fall, there are so many events to look forward to. Beautiful leaves, fall festivals, craft shows and a new crop of students are just a few of the changes that occur each year. Yes, it gets dark earlier and I can't go on long walks as easily but I can still exercise at home and it also gives me time to work on my "bucket list" that you discussed in Sunday School one day. I know you don't particularly like attending sports' events but I do need to remind you that when you are at such an event, YOU DO NOT LIKE TO BE INTERRUPTED. (You have a one track mind). As far as Christmas goes, since we each have our own adult children, we do our own thing so that shouldn't give rise to "bills piling up". Now to the lawnmower...it's broken so you certainly won't have to listen to it any more. Maybe I should generate a quiz on what ever book you say you're reading now to prove that it's just possible that you're sleeping instead of reading and that's the real reason why the lawnmower disturbs you. Yes, I do have my nose pressed against the window hoping for snow though because it cleanses the universe, leaving an immaculate white coat over all of God's creations leaving behind a peaceful silence.