Fancy Restaurants

He Said She Said Showcase Magazine October 2011

He Said

I know you would like for me to be a bit more classy
and a suave and debonair person. Probably not
going to happen. I was brought up as a country
guy and lived the simple life all my life. I have
traveled some and although I have not been in as
many countries as you, I have probably eaten in
as many restaurants as you. As an observation I
have noticed one thing that is certain in restaurants.
The higher the price you pay, the less food that
you get on your plate. It is quality versus quantity.
I will say that the plate is prettier with green
sprouts distributed everywhere on the plate,
usually covering your food. The name of what
you are eating can be green beans, but you are
guaranteed at the fancy restaurants,they will
be calling it something else, preferably something
in french. The service most of the time is going
to be outstanding. You never have to ask for a
glass of water, because every time you take a
swallow, someone is there filling you glass to
the brim. The table is always beautifully decorated
with fancy utensils and immaculate stemware.
What I have always found in every expensive restaurant
is that you get very little food, normally it
has no taste, or has a foreign taste that leaves
a sour taste in your mouth. You pay three times
what you pay for a regular meal because of all
the ambiance. I will continue to take you to the
fancy restaurants because I want to please you
and you seem to feel comfortable in those surroundings.
I would just ask you to understand that when
I want to go a reasonably priced, good home cooked
meal restaurant it is because that was what I was
raised on and what I prefer. If I could only get
them to change the names of the food , add some
candle light, that could satisfy the both of us.

Right?

She Said

You can take the man out of the country, but you
can't take the country out of the man. I understand
from your perspective everything that you are saying.
We don't always agree and I understand that also.
You and I were raised in the same city, same
environment, same neighborhood, and same economically
family standards. You have elected to stay in that
situation because that is your comfort zone. I can
respect that, but what I have tried to teach you
all my life, is that there is a different lifestyle
that you could learn to appreciate. I really do
not believe in your case that that is true, but on
paper it sure does sound good. No, you are in a
“it has always been like that, I eat what I like mood”,
and no one on God's green earth is going to
convince you otherwise. I don't mind eating at the
country places that cost little money, the waitresses
have to work there and would rather be somewhere else,
and the food is piled so high that gravy is dripping
off the side of the plate. The cholesterol count
is so high that your veins start showing as soon
as you walk in and continues for days. You always
have to have dessert in these places, usually
consisting of banana pudding or cake of the day,
only adding to your weight gain. The waitresses
usually call you honey or darling and you always
smile because even though you are over a hundred
years of age, you think they are flirting with you.
I am happy that we can eat in the “fancy”
restaurants as you like to call them, because I
do enjoy the ambiance and I also enjoy eating out
with friends who appreciate the finer things in
life...not that you don't appreciate the finer
things in life, after all you did marry me.(lol)

Diet's..His and Hers

He Said She Said      Showcase Magazine. September 2011
 
He Said
 
Every time we have a big event in our future, the old
proverbial diet raises it's ugly head. Last month
while having a casual breakfast of eggs, pancakes,
sausage, bacon, toast, and orange juice,  you looked
over at me while (I had a mouth full of toast and jelly,)
and dropped the good news....you are going on a diet,
AGAIN. We go through this quite often during the year and
you would think that I would learn to just let it go.
But no, I had to get involved. I do like a good challenge
and this seemed like the opportune time to share with you
how men can rise to the occasion simply by sheer will power.
There is a wedding taking place in October and you wanted
to look your best. Tip top shape you said. I can be a
slacker, but I, too, don"t want to look too shabby, so
being the gentleman that I am, I offered to help you.
But "No"  you said. You had joined a popular weight loss
program online and this would help you lose weight.
Trying to be frugal, I ask you how much are you paying.
When you told me, I offered to help you lose the weight
that you wanted to lose for half that price, and you didn't
have to figure points, write down numbers, or answer
to anyone but me.
You, being the smarter of the two of us, decided that you
would just stay in charge of your own domain without any
help from me. So, as of the first week, you had lost five
pounds and paid for the pleasure of doing so, and I had
lost five pounds, not costing me a dime. Maybe you should
have listened to the old weight guru, instead of falling
for that scam on the internet.
 
She Said
 
If I listened to the old weight guru, I'd weigh 300 pounds.
"Let's get an ice cream sundae from Bubba's, let's go to
Greensboro and see if the "HOT DOUGHNUTS NOW" sign is on,
Is Yum, Yum still open?, I need a Snickers, Thirsty? How
about some Raspberry tea?" and on and on you go. Usually
(unless you're trying to prove a point) if you want it,
you eat it. Most of the time it doesn't show up on your
hips. Men are lucky that way; it only shows up around their
middle. Of course if you don't want to look nine months
pregnant, you still need to watch your intake, whether
it's points or calories.  I have known you most of my life
and I have seen your diets. No offense but they don't work.
Yes, you give up soft drinks and candy for a few weeks,
lose some water weight, go around bragging about how you
lost all this weight. and then fall back into your old
habits. So tell me, dear, if your weight lost program works
so well, why are you on a diet now? If you're the weight
loss guru, why do you look like you swallowed a watermelon?

I am paying very little for what will hopefully be
successful. You will lose ten pounds, brag for a few
days and then continue drinking soft drinks and pressing
your nose and both hands against the Krispy Kreme door
until they open. Meanwhile, my plan will help me embrace
a change in healthier eating habits so I will not only
look acceptable in the October wedding, but also for
Thanksgiving and Christmas. I will say one thing for your
diet though. You will save money. I could make my mortgage
payment with what you spend on soft drinks and candy.
So we're off and running and may the best ----- win!
 

Dog Days of Summer

He Said She Said Showcase Magazine August 2011 Dog Days of Summer Larry and Dena
 
He Said
 
It's August, summer school is over, your youngest son
has left the nest, all of the furniture in the house has
been moved and a new school year has begun for you this year.
This is just a recap of the first summer I spent with you
as my beloved wife. I imagine that your take on this summer
will be quite different from mine but that is why we share
our lives with our readers. First off, you spent the summer
teaching summer school. So much for building a relationship
because it meant that for the first six weeks of the summer
I was on my own. You went to school at the regular time, 
your students left at one and you stayed at school until
two or three making lesson plans for the next day. Then
you came home to catch up on all the work you had missed
because you were teaching. Summertime to me would mean
taking three months off of teaching, sitting around
drinking tea, and catching up on reading or visiting
friends. This is what I would like for you to do. Your
idea is painting the spare bedroom, moving all the
furniture from one room to the other, throwing away
all of the things that YOU don't need, (what about
the things that I need?) and putting everything else
in a pile for a someday yard sale, which you hate.
Everything that was mine in our bedroom was put into
a Walmart plastic bag and dumped in the spare room.
Everything that was yours was either put into your seven
closets or into one of your twenty three drawers
throughout three bedrooms. You did graciously give
me two drawers for my socks, underwear and whatever
else I might get to keep. As I told someone
at lunch the other day, yes marriage is o.k, but all
those rules that you had when we were dating, that
were not enforced, have now started being enforced.
 
She Said
 
I wish your glass was half full instead of half empty.
I do all of the washing, ironing, cooking, cleaning,
mowing grass, etc., while you play on your computer
and read. 
You had better be glad that I don't take the time to
tell you what I think you should be doing over the
summer. I will say, though, that the same life you
been living for sixty plus years didn't change this
past year. I'm not saying you're a creature of habit,
but the world could set their clocks by how you live
your life. You get up in the morning, say hello to
all your facebook friends, whine about a dream you
had overnight, or how your hair looks, eat breakfast,
go to work, come home, read your book, eat dinner,
go on facebook, eat a snack, complain about being
fat, go to bed and start the whole procedure all 
over again seven days a week. On Sunday you change
it up a little when we go to church.  I am not
complaining. I married you for your.....well, I
don't remember why I married you, but I married
you in spite of your thrilling life style. Don't
get me wrong, I am not unhappy, except when you
complain or whine about my habits, like cleaning
the house, or painting, redecorating the house,
or washing my car, or giving the dog a bath. To
me these are just daily routines. To you, this
is a chore that takes me away from spending time 
with you. I am thinking about getting you a nanny,
so I won't feel so guilty when I am doing my little
jobs around the house. The problem is I'd have to
worry about you turning her into a messy person
and then I'd have two people to clean up after.
Maybe I'll just keep doing what I'm doing and vent
my frustrations through this column. I get more
sympathy that way anyway.

One Hot Puppy

He Said She Said July Showcase 2011

He Said

Let me just say in the beginning that I failed summer camp.
Life outdoors is just not my cup of tea.

Having said that I will now tell you a tale about the
hottest times of my life. I mean this literally.

You asked me to go to your son's graduation which I was
more than happy to do. You know that I am always supportive
of you and your children. What you failed to mention to me
or maybe I just did not comprehend at the moment, was that
this event was to be held OUTDOORS! It also was a complete
weekend of out doors events, like a cookout on Saturday,
and the event ALL DAY Sunday.

You might have mentioned that walking two hundred miles
from the parking garage to the grounds would also be outside,
with no tram or trolley to carry us. You might have
mentioned that the event would last for four hours but I
don't remember it. You might have mentioned that the second
event, which was two hours away, would also have to be ON FOOT.
You could not have known that the temperature would be in
the 150 degree range with no wind....Oh well, I survived.
The following weekend was your son's wedding and what a
beautiful occasion it was. Your wedding rehearsal dinner
was fantastic (also partially OUTSIDE). Everyone had a
great time except one. I'll give you a hint.

Your idea of having everyone gather by the lake for wine
and cheese was well received.

The only one complaining about the 90+ degree weather was me.
The wedding also was beautiful and for some reason I had
forgotten that it too was going to be OUTSIDE.

Now I am not complaining, (much) but that was two
RIDICULOUSLY HOT TIMES for me. I did all of that to
be a part of the family and enjoy all the festivities
and I don't regret it. But the third weekend of going
with you to Smith Mountain Lake with one of our classmates
was the straw that broke the camels back. We rode in our
friends' pontoon in 120 degree weather and you didn't even
notice that I was just a shadow of my former self.
I plan to spend the rest of the summer in air conditioned
comfort and I hope that you can join me. Don't forget
marriage is a give and take proposition and I will give
you anything you want if you'll let me stay indoors the
rest of the summer.

She Said

You always told me that life with you might not always be easy.
So far you have been right. But this time you have taken it to
the extreme. A couple of weekends outside in the heat didn't
kill you or make you sick and I'm becoming immune to your
whining. We can't predict the weather and yes it was
a tad hot but so far out of thousands of people at the
graduation and hundreds of people over the wedding weekend,
you have been the biggest whiner of all. I know you don't
like the warmth and rays of the sun like other normal people,
and if the temperature is over fifty five, you complain.
What I can't understand is why you want to go to the beach
every other weekend, and why you spend time looking on the
internet for deals on beachfront property, and why you are
always talking about buying a place at the beach. Just to
let you in on a little secret, the beach is HOT!. The beach
is always HOT!.

When we went to Smith Mountain Lake to meet our old friend
and go boating, you not only looked at two places to buy,
you also talked to one to the owners, long distant, and
told our friend you were going to the bank that week to see
about financial arrangements. ( Did I miss something or had
the sun taken its toll on you that day?) Did they air condition
the whole lake? If you're planning on buying a place for
the summer, and one of them came with a pontoon boat, I
suspect that you should rethink your idea of staying inside
all summer or think twice about buying a place at the beach or
lake. Both of them are OUTSIDE. You can't float a pontoon in
the house. As usual you are thinking sideways and all I can
say is you are one lucky man to have me guide you in your
illogical thinking. Matter of fact you should be happy that
I am willing to give you directions when you get sidetracked
from your normal pattern of living, especially if you're
serious about the lake or the beach.

You do good to find your way home after work...although
the air conditioner is probably like a siren beckoning you home..

Pet Peeves

He Said
 
Did you ever notice that after you get married your life
changes slowly but surely?  I'm not  whining now like I
always do, I'm just reporting on the day to day changes
that I see. I'm not picking on you and these are not
pet peeves...yet. Life as a married person puts you in
the marriage mode. Everyone knows about it, but not  
many people talk about it for fear of causing hurt
feelings or exploding anger. You know I have described
it many times while we were dating.  Little habits
become annoying and are greatly magnified when you're
with each other 24-7. I won't take the time to list
all of them now because I would run out of paper. But
let's just say that I have noticed them more frequently
since committing to the Holy State of Matrimony.
Maybe we take advantage of each other since we've
captured the prize, the chase is over, and we are
stuck with what we thought we wanted. That may sound
a little harsh, so let me restate it. After getting
married the little things that use to mean so much to
one another, now take a back seat to other endeavors.
So how do we fix this problem? First of all we have
to recognize it as being a problem. Maybe I should
call it a situation so I don't land in the dog house. 
However, situations could escalate if they are not
addressed. How vague is that? For example, having a
TV in the kitchen is one of my pet peeves. When an
interesting story comes on, all I can hear is water
running, pans banging around, rattling paper, the
dog barking, or SOMEONE standing in front of the
screen so I can't see the latest crook being discussed
by the news anchor. Now this wouldn't necessarily
cause the demise of the marriage but could get annoying
if the pattern was followed forever without complaint.
That's where I come in. 
 
She Said
 
Hmmm...marriage mode, did you say? That sounds so
negative. I thought you liked being married. Yes,
things do change when two people make that commitment.
For you, now you have someone to do your laundry,
cook, clean, do yard work, minor household repairs...
do you want me to continue? When my youngest son
left for college, I didn't have to go home after
work and fix dinner, do laundry, housework, stay
on a tight schedule, etc.,to be sure life was running
smoothly. I only had to take care of myself. I could
go for a long walk, go shopping, take in a movie,
chat on the phone, whatever I felt like doing at
the moment. So in that way, life has changed for
me also. I feel responsible for doing all of those
wifey things for you but the difference is that I
don't whine about it. I really don't mind housework,
laundry, cooking, etc., it's just finding enough time
in the day to get it all done without SOMEONE
complaining about how I manage my time. So if
standing in front of the TV while I'm preparing
dinner is your biggest problem, then I think you've
won the lottery...maybe not in dollars but in happiness.
Agree?

Pride or Just Cheap?

He Said

Here is the deal. I have no pride. I don't mow my grass enough.
The inside of my car is a wreck.
I never spend enough time cleaning my house. I never seem to
care about anything ...she says.
One thing about writing this column is that it gives us a chance
to explore the inside and the outside of each others' personality
traits. I know you are a neat freak because I say it  every month.
That's your personality but it isn't mine.  While living in New
York, if I wanted to eat a hot dog for lunch, I just went out on
the street, walked up to the hot dog vendor, bought a hot dog
and ate it right on the street corner. If people saw me it did
not matter to me. I wanted a kosher hot dog for lunch.
I was usually in a three piece suit.
I can't think of many things that I won't do because I'm afraid 
that people might be judging me.
You would say that I don't care or that I don't have any pride.

What is pride? To me, pride is when you try to impress your
friends or uppity people around you who are trying to impress you.
I go into a department store looking for a shirt that DOESN'T
have a trade name sewn on the pocket because I don't need to
impress my friends with a shirt that I bought and overpaid for.
Some people are in the store looking for a designer shirt so they
can pay twice the price to impress their
friends and family. That just isn't me.

I am telling you all of this because I told you on a Sunday that
I wanted to get a hot dog for lunch, and you suggested that I
get a box to go. I guess you didn't want to be seen standing
up eating a hot dog in Sunday dress and heels. You didn't have
to say it, but the inference was clear “I don't care where I eat
but I don't want to be seen eating a hot dog at a hot dog place
on Sunday.”
As I said in the beginning, I must not have very much pride.
Imagine eating a hot dog, in public, where everyone can see.
What is the world coming to?  
I have a plan. Next time I will go to a fancy restaurant, ask
for a to go box, buy my hot dog and put it in the box. Then I
can pretend I am eating food from the "fancy place" when actually
I get to eat what I really want. See, I do have pride. It just works differently from yours.




She Said

I am really surprised that you can even spell the word Pride,
much less define it. It is not so much that you don't have any
pride. We have had to come home from a restaurant because a
speck of spaghetti sauce got on the front of your shirt and
you wouldn't go out in a public place because you were so 
concerned that someone might see that little speck of red.
That's pride; I'm glad you're particular about your appearance. 
As far as the hot dog episode, if the truth is known, I was not
really in the mood for a hot dog that day. With you, it doesn't
matter how much food cost as long as you get what you want.
You don't like burned food (sometimes it's just a little brown,
to me). You like a LOT of ice in your drinks.
You want all of your food to be hot at the same time.
You don't want the table next to you who arrived AFTER you
to be served BEFORE YOU. I can accept all of these personality
quirks as long as you don't make me stand up and eat a hot dog
dressed in church clothes.  
I understand your need to search for hours for a shirt that has
no name on the pocket to prove some kind of point. Maybe that
is reverse pride, so you don't have to be part of the crowd who
wants the best of everything, or maybe you don't understand
that they feel that the quality of a better known shirt will
wear longer.
Whatever the case, I am tired of trying to be your mother all
the time so the next time you want to eat a hot dog for a Sunday
lunch, feel free to do so. But when we drive up to the fancy
restaurant to get your to go box, just let me out and come
pick me up later. 
For me it is not about pride. For me it is eating a hot meal
that will sustain me until dinner, with atmosphere, ambiance
and people surrounding me with taste and charm.

You think you have all of that with your hot dog place.
My taste runs just a tad differently from yours.

I call it pride, you call it fancy or snooty.

Joe Hill - A Special Angel

A Special Angel – Joe Hill
 
For nearly fourteen years Danville and Pittsylvania County
was blessed to be in the presence of a special young man,
Joseph Bradie Hill, known as Joe. He imparted a cheerful
disposition with his perception of how life should be lived.
Joe had a contagious laugh and sense of humor that he shared
with everyone he met. In fact, people were drawn to Joe
because of his laughter and sense of humor. Joe was like a
magnet that could eliminate the doldrums by drawing his
friends into his world of kindness, sincerity, and
caring attitude.
The depth of gratitude shown by this remarkable teenager to
all of the people in his life is immeasurable. How many
thirteen year old children would apologize to their parents
because he had become sick? I don’t know many adults who have
the capacity to exhibit that much compassion to others while
suffering from their own physical affliction, but Joe did.
Joe enjoyed life by playing sports, telling stories and making
everyone around him feel special.
The truth is that he was the special one. Joe was a shining
light for others to follow. He lit up a room when he walked
through the door and I always loved that infectious smile
of his. His many friends are a testament to his loving
personality by writing  such wonderful tributes to a peer
who led by example or brought beauty into their lives with
his attitude. He was always helpful and always putting others
before himself. Joe leaves all of us with memories of a
Special Angel whom God gave to the world for thirteen short
years.
Joe, we thank you for these memories, for the laughter and the joy
you brought to each and every one of us through your kindred spirit.
I’m sure you are sitting at the Masters feet today telling Him of your
stories and antics here on earth and making Him laugh as you made
all of us laugh. Thank you, Joe, for touching our hearts in such a
unique way.
You leave us yearning for more of your friendship, more of your
dedication to bringing joy into other peoples’ lives.
All of us are better human beings because of the influence of one
special angel named Joe Hill.
 
 
Dena Hill and Larry Oldham  -
Larry and I were deeply touched by the
extraordinary life of Joe Hill.
Instead of our regular He Said She Said
column we wanted to share a tribute
to our friend. If you knew Joe, you know
why we are doing this. If you didn’t know Joe,
we wanted to share our feelings and our
deep sense of loss with you.

Kisses and Ice Cream

March 2011 Showcase Magazine

He Said

First of all let me say that “Yes I am happily married”.
Secondly let me say that you and I do not know each other
as well as we thought we did. After coming in third in
our attempt to play the “Newlywed Game” , it is obvious
that life as we know it is not life as we know it.
When I was asked who you most reminded me of and the
choices were Doris Day or Elizabeth Taylor , to me this
was a no brainer. You are classy, beautiful looking, and
have the grace of Elizabeth. Your answer was Doris Day.
I do have to give you credit though. When they ask
me what I thought you would say to the question ,”what
does Larry have too much of”? And you answered “Charisma”,
I thought that was a great answer thank you very much.
Now what I am going to suggest is that we sit down one day
and just go over all the answers that we may be ask if
we ever play the Newlywed Game again. Not that we ever
will mind you, it is just a way to be prepared. Sort of
like the Boy Scouts...always prepared. This should not
take too long as we can go back over the years we have
been writing this column and find most of the answers.
I knew when we started the game that we never agree on
anything so we probably would lose and we did. I think
of us as being winners in so many other ways that it
did not bother me to lose. We did get a gift card to
Stone Cold Creamery and I did get two kisses while we
were playing.
Ice Cream and Kisses....life don't get too much better than this.

She Said

Now I know why I love you so much. I don't want to call
you simple, but when all it takes to satisfy a man is
Ice Cream and Kisses, my role as a wife is going to be
pretty easy. Then reality strikes me and I remember you
are going to come home from work and ask me “what is for
supper”, I am going to have to bring the trash cans from
the front to the back because even though you parked in
the driveway, probably had to get out of your car to
move the trash cans, and still could not remember to
bring them around to the back. I will start to remember
all the times I will have to wash your clothes ,fold them,
put them in your drawers, and hang up fresh towels in the
bathroom for you when you shower. I will have to go to
the grocery store and buy the food, and then tote them
home and put them up in the cabinets. I will have to
wash all the dishes and put them up in the cabinets so
I will have clean dishes in the morning to fix your
breakfast. I will have to vacuum and dust the furniture
so the house is clean when your mother comes to visit.
I will do all of this , plus mow the yard, because I
chose to marry the man of my dreams who I can feed ice
cream to and give an occasional kiss. I would say I
am one of the luckiest girls in the world because you
chose me to do all these things for you.
You better be glad I like kissing and Ice cream.

We Said or Yes Dear?

Showcase Magazine February 2011

He Said

Well it finally happened. After knowing you for 46 years,
dating you for 12 years, being engaged for 10 years , you
finally agreed to marry me and now I can remember our
wedding date because we got married at 9 am on Christmas Eve.
How does that change for the readers? Probably not much
difference because we were always together anyway so our
lives were pretty much entwined. But how has it changed
for me since we got married? Am I allowed to say?. Before,
when I was single, I could just about get away with anything.
Now I have got to answer to someone else. That would be
you in case you are wondering. Since getting married I
have been given a list of things that I cannot write about.
I have been told there are certain limits to just about
any and everything that I do now. I am not saying that
marriage stagnates me, but let's just say I am not the
same man I was last month. I should mention at this point
that it is February , the month of love, so at this
point I should mention that I love my wife very much.
That would be you in case you forgot. I am being very
careful to stay on neutral ground here because I do
not want to get in trouble the in the first writing of
the first column since becoming wedded. (Is that a word?.)
So I hope I am still in your good graces and since the
marriage has lasted about a month and a few days, I
feel like we can stay married forever. I still think we
should call the column the same name but most of my
friends are telling me that we should change it to either
“WE SAID” or “YES DEAR”. What do you think, Honey?


She Said

What do I think? I think that from last month to this
month everything is the same except now we can wear the
rings that we bought ten years ago, that you locked in
your Bank Deposit box ten years ago , that I haven't
seen since ten years ago. We should have gotten married
if for anything, so that I could see my ring. Of course
I probably shouldn't tell the readers that you lost the
key and had to have your box drilled at the bank, costing
you big dollars you said, precluding us from going on a
honeymoon, unless you are counting supper at Sonic Burger.
All right I am just kidding about that part, you did take
me to Martinsville. Getting married to you in a private
ceremony was the only way I could figure to keep you from
cutting up at the wedding, eating too much cake, hugging
every woman in the church, and inviting all your friends
from Atlanta to New York. The time was right, the mood
was right, and honestly I had run out of excuses to give
you.(LOL). Now that we are married I have not given you
any new rules to abide by. I just expect you to follow
the old rules and keep obeying them or you will find
yourself writing this column with your sister.I like the
idea of marriage and you are a good man , who I am sure
with more guidance , you will make a wonderful husband.
I have done a pretty good job thus far of training you
and you are a pretty fast learner, although it normally
doesn't take me ten years to train a man. You offered more
resistance than I expected and a couple of times you
failed your exam. But you made up for it with extra points
in other categories, so I guess I will let you pass.
As you can see by passing the test you were allowed
to marry me. I want you to realize how lucky you are
to have someone that will put up with your lifestyle
(always busy), your habits(don't make me go there),
your stories(if I have to hear about that 1966 Fast
back Mustang one more time I will croak) and your
pickiness about food(a little ice in orange juice
and a lot of ice in soda.
So now I inherit all your picadello's and you just
get little ole plain me who never complains, is always
there for you , and loves to live only for you.
I think we should just name the column “Dena's Folly”,
that way the column can still be all about you.

No New Year Resolutions

He Said She Said January 2011 Showcase Magazine

He Said

January rolls around again and this means that it is
the start of a new year. Normally I would talk
about my New Years resolutions and all the things
that I hope to accomplish this year. But this year
I have decided not to do this. I am resolute in the
fact that last year was too busy. I don't even
remember what I said I was going to do so this year
I am just going to take it easy. My life is too
important for me to work so hard. I need to sit
back and relax and just take it easy this year.
Maybe I'll go on more vacations, read more, spend
more time with my friends and become more active
in fun things. I have just been concentrating this
last year on too many things for other people.
This year I need to concentrate more on me as the
old song goes. I need to make my life more
fulfilled with new ideas that I can do to make me
happy. Don't get me wrong, I want you to be happy
too, but the things that make you happy don't
always make me happy. For instance, you actually
enjoy cleaning the house, and working in the yard
makes your day, while I do not need to get dirty
or tired from hoeing the ground or sweeping the
roof, or whatever turns you on about the outside.
No, this year is going to be a big change for me.
I am going to make sure that I am happy every day,
sort of like you wanting to work outside or clean
inside; I am going to find something that I can
look forward to and get excited about. Right
now I'm excited about you getting me something
to eat and drink.

She Said

It would be redundant for me to try and even find
an answer to your ramblings. That whole contingency
of words didn't sound like anything but the same
old same old for you. You are always relaxing, you
are always reading, you are always talking about
taking trips, you are always talking about getting
together more with your friends. How about letting
me explain to you what I heard so you will understand
how the real world works and why you are so out
in left field. Let me preface this by saying that
I love you and this is only constructive information
for you to peruse and if you can justify my answers
your life will be more fulfilled, if that is what
you're trying to accomplish.
You need to get rid of Rent a Friends and try and
make some real friends of your own. You need to take
a horticulture class to learn the finer ways of
tilling the soil. Put your hands into the dirt,
feel the earth as God intended us to feel it.
You need to stop buying books. For one thing you
are out of room. You will never read all 7000
copies that you now own unless you commit a crime,
serve time and spend your remaining life in a jail cell.
I can give you a list of things that you need to
become more active in and the first would be taking
out the garbage or bringing the cans around when
you see them rolling down the street. You can help
me do the dishes after we eat, or you could even
take a food class and learn how to cook something
for us besides deviled eggs. Yes, with enough time
and space, I could give you a whole new world of
becoming active. But first I have to get you away
from the kitchen table, off the couch, and into
some new habits. Preferably helping me occasionally.

Still looking forward to the New Year? I didn't think so.