The Art of Being Left Handed Pt.1

She Said:

I can handle the fact that you can't cut with a pair of scissors, use power tools, turn a corkscrew, etc., but it's the mumbling that gets to me. I've read many of the books about Southpaws but honestly, can you really blame mumbling on being left handed? I know. I've read the research about the likelihood that left- handers often mumble but all you need to do is open your mouth and enunciate your words. I know my hearing is diminishing as the years go by but I don't want to resort to a hearing aid until I have to. Is this some sort of subliminal plan to trick me into thinking I'm going deaf? What an evil streak you have. You will even turn your head away from me when you're talking so I can't hear you and when I ask you to repeat yourself, you increase the decibel level (ie: yell) instead of working on your enunciation. I don't need loudness, I need clarity. You can be sitting in another room and say something barely audible to me so I have to stop what I'm doing, walk to wherever you are and ask you to repeat yourself. Funny, but when you're talking to one of the guys on the phone, I can be outside and hear every word. I guess that's your business voice and with me you use your "come hither" voice. Today, as we were riding in the car, I didn't have a problem hearing you "talking" to other offensive drivers. If we occasionally disagree about something, I don't have trouble hearing you make your point. If you get agitated over business situations, you speak quite clearly. If you're calling the dog and she decides to ignore you, your voice is extremely clear. So let's make a deal...stop mumbling and I'll stop feeling sorry for you having to use your "wrong" hand instead of your right one!

He Said

Maybe it is because I am left handed that I am confused. Your first sentence mentioned left handedness and your last sentence mentioned being left handed. The other 290 words were about mumbling. I have 57 relatives. I have 986 friends. I have 699 business associates. I have 23 enemies, plus I talk to many people daily that I don't even know.
That's about 2055 other people not counting the people I do not know that have never,
let me repeat that again…have never ever complained about my mumbling or their
inability to hear me. Maybe this can give you some insight to YOUR problem that for
some reason you are trying to put on me. I mean don't get me wrong. I am left handed.
I apologize. You might want to speak to my parents about this, as I am sure you must
be aware that it is probably their fault and not mine. I might also remind you that I have two children who are both left handed and very creative and intelligent as most lefties are.
If memory serves me right there are several people who you talk to on the phone and
I believe that several times (765 to be exact) I have heard you either ask to them to speak up or when you get off the phone you complain to me that you could barely hear them.
I have a very good friend who is in the audiologist business and maybe I should contact him for an appointment. Of course I will have to call him and being left handed and mumbling all over the phone, I am sure he will not understand me. I will just text him.

Left handed of course.