The Art of Being Left Handed Pt.2

She Said

This left-handed business is pretty fascinating. I dug a little deeper and found a lot of things that you aren’t supposed to be able to do because you're left-handed. Aren’t you glad I'm so understanding?
Apparently, it’s the left-to-right motion that’s the problem resulting in “How many Larrys does it take to screw in a light bulb?” When you were in school and the desks were all for right-handed people, did you protest? What about spiral notebooks? Does the wire get in the way or your hand cramp when using a composition book? Try using it from back to front instead of front to back!
Does the ink or pencil smear when you write? Is that why your penmanship is illegible? I suppose you would like for the car makers to put the ignition on the left side of the steering wheel just for you. What about door handles . . . should they turn from right to left? This is one that probably doesn’t affect you . . . did you even know that the kill switch on a chain saw is on the right? Every year there are 10,000 left-handed people who die from using items designed for “normal” right-handed users. I'll bet Bill Gates could make another fortune if he would invent a mouse for left-handers.
I do notice, however, that although Lazy Boy Recliners operate on the right side, you don’t have a problem relaxing in one.
I’ll bet you feel even more discriminated against when you take language into consideration: a left-handed compliment for instance. Did you know the word for “left” in French is “gauche” and in Latin it’s “sinister.” In contrast, the French word for “right” is “droit” from which we get the English word “adroit” and Latin for “right” is ‘dexter" from which we get “dexterous.” In tarot cards, the word for “right” is “justice” and the word for “left” is “devil.”
One more interesting fact is that there are scholarships for left-handed people. Is there a reason for that? I have a great idea. Since August 13 is International Left-Handers Day, I’ll plan a huge celebration in honor of the fact that you’ve survived another year of successfully using your “wrong” hand!


He Said

You are not going to let this left-handed thing go, are you? I’ve known you for 40 years and dated you for 10 years, and this month you discovered the world of being left handed? Up until this month, I just have not thought about it. I have adapted quite well to the world of right-handers, and so far you have been the only one to give me a lecture and history lesson of being left-handed. I guess that is what I get for dating a school teacher who looks to educate the world or at least my world on the detriment of a person who uses the wrong hand in your sight.
I don’t have enough space to tell you about all of the geniuses who are left-handed or the most creative people in the world who just happen to be left-handed, but does the name Albert Einstein ring a bell for you?
No? I just happen to be in a class of intellectuals and creative people throughout the world who make your poor, pitiful right-hand world bland without all of the left-handed people in the world creating a world of entertainment and joy for you. You should really be on your knees begging me to teach you how to be left handed, so that you too can enjoy the superiority complex world that I am forced to live in as a left-hander.
As you well know, we are only about 10% of the population. So I thank God every night for reaching down and making me a very special person.
I really do feel sorry for you ordinary right-handers