Car Stuff

He Said


So you get in my car and the first words out of your mouth are not "How are you?" or "Did you have a nice day?" Your first words are: "I don't know how you can drive around in your car like this!" I say "What's wrong with it?" You say soda bottles, Dixie cups, empty straw wrappers, candy wrappers, used napkins, pieces of popcorn (from heaven knows when, maybe from our first date ten years ago), ink pens, and that's just the front seat floorboard.


I proceed to tell you that the world is made up of many different kinds of people. Everyone in the world cannot be as fastidious or as pristine as you are. We have differences. I live in my car. You drive your car to work and church. If a speck of dirt hits your car interior, out comes the vacuum cleaner. Don't get me wrong. I know there is a difference between men and women. Why do you think we write this column?


When I bought my car, the first thing you said was "Why did you buy a red one?" I said "Why not? I'm not entering the car in a beauty contest, I just need transportation. I don't care if it's blue, purple, yellow or orange". You were quick to inform me that you do not like red cars.


Don't get me wrong. I do want to please you, but the best deal was on the red car and for a $2000 savings, I'll drive red car and you will just have to pout. As for riding in a dirty car or a clean car, I say "Here's an idea: instead of you mowing the grass 3 times a week or cleaning the house four times a day, why not use that energy to clean out my car?" You'll be happy with a clean car and I will really impress our friends who have seen the inside of my car in bygone days.


Then when I pick you up, you can say "How was your day"? and I'll have to say "Take your shoes off before you get in my car!"


She Said


What just a minute Buster! There is a vast chasm of difference between a messy car from a day's travel and your car. Nano Technology could run several experiments from the bacteria that is probably growing from your collection of spilled snacks and used wrappers. If you would just keep a daily trash bag in the front seat and throw it away at the end of the day, your car would be cleaner. I know people are different and I don't think I'm abnormally neat just because I don't like to have a myriad stack of papers, books, and other "stuff" in my car. Why do you need all of that stuff in your car anyway? If you don't use it every day, you don't need it. You still have papers and catalogs from your former job that you certainly don't need. You have actually lost items in your car because they've been covered up by other "stuff". Have you even noticed that the floor mat on the passengers' side has been turned over and folded on itself for several months? No, because so much "stuff" is piled on top of it. Rain was pouring down last weekend and I couldn't find an umbrella that I had just put in there because of so much "stuff". One day you had a flat tire and looked at me whispering meekly " I know I had a spare tire in my trunk at one time!"

As far as red cars go, I don't like red anything and a car is too big to overlook. It's a female thing…color is important to us. I'm sure you could have found another color with just as big a savings even if you had to buy a different make. I'd rather have a white Ford than a red Chrysler. No matter what make or color your car is though, don't hold your breath waiting for me to clean it up. Women are judged by how clean their house is and men are judged by their cars.