Setting Me Up for the Fall - November 2011

He Said



Fall weather is finally here and most people are happy that the summer heat is over and winter is right around the corner. Everyone is happy except for me. I am hiding behind every nook and cranny from you because I know what is coming. You will start talking about the beautiful yellow and orange leaves on the trees in our yard. I will start cringing at the idea that someone is going to have to rake all of these bad boy leaves up and I just hope it isn't going to be me. You will start complaining about it getting dark earlier and you can't go for a walk around the block. I will look at you with my big old brown eyes as sad as a puppy dog, while my mind is thinking "yay, I get to keep her in the house with me." You will start asking me to go on Stubhub every night to find the cheapest prices on football tickets for next weeks' UVA game and I will go online to the weather station praying for a forecast of rain. You will start hinting about what everyone would like for Christmas and I will start complaining about how the bills are piling up. You will start whining about the grass getting dry and complaining because you didn't get to cut it all winter and I will be thanking God that I didn't have to hear the deafening noise of that lawnmower. It disturbs me while I'm sitting on the porch trying to read a good book, you know. You will be looking out of the picture window in the living room hoping that any day it will snow and I will be trying to find a good place to hide the snow shovel. Yes, we both love the fall and winter...BUT for very different reasons.





She Said

It's a good thing that opposites attract because that's about the most pessimistic paragraph I've ever read. But then, look who wrote it. I keep telling you that your glass should be half full instead of half empty but you don't believe me. I love the fact that we have four seasons, even though sometimes they melt into each other with little or no difference. By the time I'm tired of one season, the next one comes along. In the fall, there are so many events to look forward to. Beautiful leaves, fall festivals, craft shows and a new crop of students are just a few of the changes that occur each year. Yes, it gets dark earlier and I can't go on long walks as easily but I can still exercise at home and it also gives me time to work on my "bucket list" that you discussed in Sunday School one day. I know you don't particularly like attending sports' events but I do need to remind you that when you are at such an event, YOU DO NOT LIKE TO BE INTERRUPTED. (You have a one track mind). As far as Christmas goes, since we each have our own adult children, we do our own thing so that shouldn't give rise to "bills piling up". Now to the lawnmower...it's broken so you certainly won't have to listen to it any more. Maybe I should generate a quiz on what ever book you say you're reading now to prove that it's just possible that you're sleeping instead of reading and that's the real reason why the lawnmower disturbs you. Yes, I do have my nose pressed against the window hoping for snow though because it cleanses the universe, leaving an immaculate white coat over all of God's creations leaving behind a peaceful silence.

No Problem...He Said..She Winces

She Said by Dena Hill

We all have experiences that drive us up the wall. I was hoping that I would mellow with age, but so far, that hasn't happened.

For example— When I say "Thank you" for a service performed or a deed done, the typical response today is "No problem" instead of "You're welcome." I never said there was a problem so how does a problem enter into the picture? A simple you're welcome or okay would suffice.

In all fairness to the generation before us, such sayings as long in the tooth, fuddy duddy, all the rage, to tie the knot, to lose heart, and dry spell—when taken literally— probably had our parents confused. Each generation has its own lingo. How do you think a foreigner would interpret his nose is out of joint or a wolf in sheep's clothing or when pigs fly?

Another word that grates on my ears is library. There are two r's in library. The word is not libary. What about the word salmon? The l is silent so it sounds like sa-men. One day I heard someone denounce an opinion during a conversation by saying,
"That's a mute point." The word is moot; short o not long u.

There are, though, some exceptions. We have a Sunday School teacher who speaks eloquently but I DO listen to him. Our class is full of well-read worshippers who know the Bible backwards and forwards, so even if I thought someone was mispronouncing or misusing a word, I wouldn't correct them. Knowledge outweighs pronunciation and enunciation.

I know I've mispronounced words and I appreciate being corrected. After all, we never stop learning. I have a feeling that after this column hits the newsstand, I'll have readers yelling "No problem" at me.

I'll try to smile through my gritting teeth and crossed eyes and reply, "Was that only a slip of the tongue?"


He Said by Larry Oldham
Well, this is what I get for dating a school teacher.

Who cares what the response is when you say "Thank you" as long as there is a response? It beats a blank stare or being completely ignored. As much as I like to talk, I'm just interested in carrying on a conversation with someone. I certainly don't judge how they're using English grammar.

You must be accustomed to hearing incorrect grammar in the classroom, so you're judging everyone you see or hear. Granted, it's your job to teach acceptable speech patterns, but you need to lighten up on the general population. We speak the way we do because we were taught by our parents and their parents before them. We hand down our way of communicating the same way we hand down stories from one generation to the next. I can't worry about how foreigners interpret our language as long as I know what I mean. If they want to think that pigs really can fly, that's their problem, not mine.

Also, I've been saying "libary" my whole life and it probably isn't going to change now that you've brought it to my attention. I love books and they'll still be inside "the room" no matter how I pronounce it. The same holds true for salmon. There are six letters in that word and I'm going to pronounce every last one of them! (But I don't have to eat it, do I?)

I guess I should send up smoke signals to communicate with you because now I'm afraid I'll mispronounce a word and you'll be writing it down in your little composition book to be used in a later column. But one thing we agree on is our Sunday School class...it's great! I toyed with the idea of teaching once in a while until I realized how critical you are about grammar. Do you think you could occasionally be sick so I can teach in peace? Thank you...No problem.