Restaurant Manners

She Said



I never thought I'd be pushed into a public complaint about restaurant behavior but here goes...and you're in the center of it! A few weeks ago when we were traveling to Virginia Beach to visit my father, we stopped to eat at Applebees because they have a Weight Watchers menu. The waitress came to the table with "What can I get for you, Baby?" It was "honey" this and "Sweetie" that. I could have let it go but you had to ask her why she called you those endearing names. I listened to her response from under the table because I was so embarrassed. I was even more surprised when she replied that she was trained to use those names so she would get bigger tips. It didn't stop there. You listened to the music briefly and then complained about it being "hip hop" and asked if they even noticed that everyone in the restaurant had gray hair. You were still talking about it three days later when you called their corporate office to complain about their service and training program. As long as I am being so picky about restaurant service, let's talk about your restaurant manners. Every time I see you eating with your elbows on the table, I can hear my mother admonishing me as a child. She also told me that fried chicken was the only finger food, not fried fish. Finally, bread is more acceptable for pushing food onto your fork rather than your fingers. If there isn't any bread available, use your knife. I'll make a deal with you. You can throw all of my table peccadilloes out the window at home if you'll just clean up your act in restaurants...sweetie.



He Said



With all the crime, hate, manipulation, lying, cheating and stealing in the world, you come up with bad manners. Now I know why YOU date ME. If the worse thing I ever do is put my elbows on the table or eat my pork chops and ribs with my fingers, you should be happy.



I believe in proper manners but you are going back to youth camp with your "Larry, Larry, strong and able, get your elbows off the table". Aren't we past the 3rd grade which means all grownups can get away with putting their elbows on the table? Even the President of the United States occasionally puts his elbows on the table.



Seriously, don't you think that changing the music, depending on the ethnicity of your customers, makes sense? Applebee's corporate office sure did agree. They thanked me and told me they would make that change right away. They even offered me a free meal for my suggestion, which I declined.



When I told the waitress that I was going to deduct 10% off her tip every time she called me "sweetie" or "baby", she stopped calling me these endearing terms as you like to call them.



But I digressed. Getting back to mannerisms in restaurants, I see that I am embarrassing you in public, which I would never do in a million years, so I will offer you two solutions: The first one is that we don't eat out at restaurants very often so I can stay at home and slop my gravy and eat certain foods as finger foods...or we can still go out to eat, but we'll sit at separate tables (so I won't embarrass you).

Of course that means separate checks which might be more detrimental to you than my bad manners.

Your choice " BABY."

Car Stuff

He Said


So you get in my car and the first words out of your mouth are not "How are you?" or "Did you have a nice day?" Your first words are: "I don't know how you can drive around in your car like this!" I say "What's wrong with it?" You say soda bottles, Dixie cups, empty straw wrappers, candy wrappers, used napkins, pieces of popcorn (from heaven knows when, maybe from our first date ten years ago), ink pens, and that's just the front seat floorboard.


I proceed to tell you that the world is made up of many different kinds of people. Everyone in the world cannot be as fastidious or as pristine as you are. We have differences. I live in my car. You drive your car to work and church. If a speck of dirt hits your car interior, out comes the vacuum cleaner. Don't get me wrong. I know there is a difference between men and women. Why do you think we write this column?


When I bought my car, the first thing you said was "Why did you buy a red one?" I said "Why not? I'm not entering the car in a beauty contest, I just need transportation. I don't care if it's blue, purple, yellow or orange". You were quick to inform me that you do not like red cars.


Don't get me wrong. I do want to please you, but the best deal was on the red car and for a $2000 savings, I'll drive red car and you will just have to pout. As for riding in a dirty car or a clean car, I say "Here's an idea: instead of you mowing the grass 3 times a week or cleaning the house four times a day, why not use that energy to clean out my car?" You'll be happy with a clean car and I will really impress our friends who have seen the inside of my car in bygone days.


Then when I pick you up, you can say "How was your day"? and I'll have to say "Take your shoes off before you get in my car!"


She Said


What just a minute Buster! There is a vast chasm of difference between a messy car from a day's travel and your car. Nano Technology could run several experiments from the bacteria that is probably growing from your collection of spilled snacks and used wrappers. If you would just keep a daily trash bag in the front seat and throw it away at the end of the day, your car would be cleaner. I know people are different and I don't think I'm abnormally neat just because I don't like to have a myriad stack of papers, books, and other "stuff" in my car. Why do you need all of that stuff in your car anyway? If you don't use it every day, you don't need it. You still have papers and catalogs from your former job that you certainly don't need. You have actually lost items in your car because they've been covered up by other "stuff". Have you even noticed that the floor mat on the passengers' side has been turned over and folded on itself for several months? No, because so much "stuff" is piled on top of it. Rain was pouring down last weekend and I couldn't find an umbrella that I had just put in there because of so much "stuff". One day you had a flat tire and looked at me whispering meekly " I know I had a spare tire in my trunk at one time!"

As far as red cars go, I don't like red anything and a car is too big to overlook. It's a female thing…color is important to us. I'm sure you could have found another color with just as big a savings even if you had to buy a different make. I'd rather have a white Ford than a red Chrysler. No matter what make or color your car is though, don't hold your breath waiting for me to clean it up. Women are judged by how clean their house is and men are judged by their cars.