Independence Day

He Said She Said July 2012 Independence Day

He Said

While having a conversation with a group of people
last month, one of the gentleman in the group
was scheduled to be in an upcoming wedding....his own.
One of the guys in our mixed crowd of men and women
went on to describe how much your life changes after
you get married. Now I know that marriage means different
things to different people. Men see life and marriage
one way and women see life and marriage another way.
We could debate this till the world ends. But I don't
have time allocated in this space to do that, so I will
just share with you how your life ends the way it has
been on the day you get married. This will not be
directed at everyone, because everyone is not the
same. But generally this is how it goes. One day you
are a free spirit. You get up , you do your thing,
you eat when you want, you change clothes , you don't
change clothes, you go to bed whatever time you wish,
you sit on the porch , you lay on the couch, you eat
what you want and so on and so on. The day you get
married you lose all of your freedom of choice. You
now have a partner in your decision making and you
have two choices. One is you continue to do what you
want as you always have and just suffer the consequences
or you open your life to someone else who now makes
all your decisions for you. What you wear, what you eat,
where you go, when you go, how long you stay and the
list goes on. Now let me just say this about my wife,
none of this happens in our marriage. This is just what
I hear happens in other marriages, not ours. Our
marriage is totally independent, always even keeled
and always in agreement with one another as long as
the moon and the stars are in alignment. So far they
have been in alignment for two years. For other people
though who are not as gentle, loving and caring as my
bride, I just wanted to let them know what to expect
when they get married. I need to go now,since I know
she wants me to drive her to the mall, Lowe's and
Wal-Mart today.

She Said

You are so full of yourself today. Reading what you
have written reminds me that marriage is a two way
street and what I, your wife, has had to give up. No,
wait a minute. Let me describe for you as you like
to say, what SOME women lose or gain when they get
married. Not me of course. What was a carefree life
of shopping, wearing what looked good, not what someone
else thought looked too provocative, watching what
TV shows you want to watch, going to see the kind of
movie that you wanted to see, buying the right type
of food that you want to eat is just some of the things
that women give up when they marry. Women do gain
things in a marriage though. They get to iron more
clothes, wash more dishes, cook more often, share
their paychecks, listen to boring stories, over and
over again, and hear complaints about everyone they
know from their husband. They get to listen about how
bad everyone drives, how the country is being run so
poorly, how life has treated them compared to their
friends, and the list just goes on and on. Women are
expected to clean the house, take out the garbage ,
mow the grass, wash both cars, and look pretty as a
picture when their husband arrives home from work.
They are expected to want to sit on the porch and
drink tea even though three bathrooms need cleaning
and the laundry needs to be done. This is just what
I have heard of course, I would never suggest that
this is the way our marriage is or has been. No, I
think in your mind all of the stars and moon are aligned
in order and our life is going pretty much like you
expected it to go. More that likely if you took a
survey 90% of the men would say life is good with
their wives. Why do they think that? Because we
let you drive us to the mall, Lowe's and Wal-Mart
and to you that is your good deed for the month and
you feel you have satisfied us completely. What
else could a woman want out of life? Right?

Pet Peeves

He Said
 
Did you ever notice that after you get married your life
changes slowly but surely?  I'm not  whining now like I
always do, I'm just reporting on the day to day changes
that I see. I'm not picking on you and these are not
pet peeves...yet. Life as a married person puts you in
the marriage mode. Everyone knows about it, but not  
many people talk about it for fear of causing hurt
feelings or exploding anger. You know I have described
it many times while we were dating.  Little habits
become annoying and are greatly magnified when you're
with each other 24-7. I won't take the time to list
all of them now because I would run out of paper. But
let's just say that I have noticed them more frequently
since committing to the Holy State of Matrimony.
Maybe we take advantage of each other since we've
captured the prize, the chase is over, and we are
stuck with what we thought we wanted. That may sound
a little harsh, so let me restate it. After getting
married the little things that use to mean so much to
one another, now take a back seat to other endeavors.
So how do we fix this problem? First of all we have
to recognize it as being a problem. Maybe I should
call it a situation so I don't land in the dog house. 
However, situations could escalate if they are not
addressed. How vague is that? For example, having a
TV in the kitchen is one of my pet peeves. When an
interesting story comes on, all I can hear is water
running, pans banging around, rattling paper, the
dog barking, or SOMEONE standing in front of the
screen so I can't see the latest crook being discussed
by the news anchor. Now this wouldn't necessarily
cause the demise of the marriage but could get annoying
if the pattern was followed forever without complaint.
That's where I come in. 
 
She Said
 
Hmmm...marriage mode, did you say? That sounds so
negative. I thought you liked being married. Yes,
things do change when two people make that commitment.
For you, now you have someone to do your laundry,
cook, clean, do yard work, minor household repairs...
do you want me to continue? When my youngest son
left for college, I didn't have to go home after
work and fix dinner, do laundry, housework, stay
on a tight schedule, etc.,to be sure life was running
smoothly. I only had to take care of myself. I could
go for a long walk, go shopping, take in a movie,
chat on the phone, whatever I felt like doing at
the moment. So in that way, life has changed for
me also. I feel responsible for doing all of those
wifey things for you but the difference is that I
don't whine about it. I really don't mind housework,
laundry, cooking, etc., it's just finding enough time
in the day to get it all done without SOMEONE
complaining about how I manage my time. So if
standing in front of the TV while I'm preparing
dinner is your biggest problem, then I think you've
won the lottery...maybe not in dollars but in happiness.
Agree?

Restaurant Manners

She Said



I never thought I'd be pushed into a public complaint about restaurant behavior but here goes...and you're in the center of it! A few weeks ago when we were traveling to Virginia Beach to visit my father, we stopped to eat at Applebees because they have a Weight Watchers menu. The waitress came to the table with "What can I get for you, Baby?" It was "honey" this and "Sweetie" that. I could have let it go but you had to ask her why she called you those endearing names. I listened to her response from under the table because I was so embarrassed. I was even more surprised when she replied that she was trained to use those names so she would get bigger tips. It didn't stop there. You listened to the music briefly and then complained about it being "hip hop" and asked if they even noticed that everyone in the restaurant had gray hair. You were still talking about it three days later when you called their corporate office to complain about their service and training program. As long as I am being so picky about restaurant service, let's talk about your restaurant manners. Every time I see you eating with your elbows on the table, I can hear my mother admonishing me as a child. She also told me that fried chicken was the only finger food, not fried fish. Finally, bread is more acceptable for pushing food onto your fork rather than your fingers. If there isn't any bread available, use your knife. I'll make a deal with you. You can throw all of my table peccadilloes out the window at home if you'll just clean up your act in restaurants...sweetie.



He Said



With all the crime, hate, manipulation, lying, cheating and stealing in the world, you come up with bad manners. Now I know why YOU date ME. If the worse thing I ever do is put my elbows on the table or eat my pork chops and ribs with my fingers, you should be happy.



I believe in proper manners but you are going back to youth camp with your "Larry, Larry, strong and able, get your elbows off the table". Aren't we past the 3rd grade which means all grownups can get away with putting their elbows on the table? Even the President of the United States occasionally puts his elbows on the table.



Seriously, don't you think that changing the music, depending on the ethnicity of your customers, makes sense? Applebee's corporate office sure did agree. They thanked me and told me they would make that change right away. They even offered me a free meal for my suggestion, which I declined.



When I told the waitress that I was going to deduct 10% off her tip every time she called me "sweetie" or "baby", she stopped calling me these endearing terms as you like to call them.



But I digressed. Getting back to mannerisms in restaurants, I see that I am embarrassing you in public, which I would never do in a million years, so I will offer you two solutions: The first one is that we don't eat out at restaurants very often so I can stay at home and slop my gravy and eat certain foods as finger foods...or we can still go out to eat, but we'll sit at separate tables (so I won't embarrass you).

Of course that means separate checks which might be more detrimental to you than my bad manners.

Your choice " BABY."