Restaurant Manners

She Said



I never thought I'd be pushed into a public complaint about restaurant behavior but here goes...and you're in the center of it! A few weeks ago when we were traveling to Virginia Beach to visit my father, we stopped to eat at Applebees because they have a Weight Watchers menu. The waitress came to the table with "What can I get for you, Baby?" It was "honey" this and "Sweetie" that. I could have let it go but you had to ask her why she called you those endearing names. I listened to her response from under the table because I was so embarrassed. I was even more surprised when she replied that she was trained to use those names so she would get bigger tips. It didn't stop there. You listened to the music briefly and then complained about it being "hip hop" and asked if they even noticed that everyone in the restaurant had gray hair. You were still talking about it three days later when you called their corporate office to complain about their service and training program. As long as I am being so picky about restaurant service, let's talk about your restaurant manners. Every time I see you eating with your elbows on the table, I can hear my mother admonishing me as a child. She also told me that fried chicken was the only finger food, not fried fish. Finally, bread is more acceptable for pushing food onto your fork rather than your fingers. If there isn't any bread available, use your knife. I'll make a deal with you. You can throw all of my table peccadilloes out the window at home if you'll just clean up your act in restaurants...sweetie.



He Said



With all the crime, hate, manipulation, lying, cheating and stealing in the world, you come up with bad manners. Now I know why YOU date ME. If the worse thing I ever do is put my elbows on the table or eat my pork chops and ribs with my fingers, you should be happy.



I believe in proper manners but you are going back to youth camp with your "Larry, Larry, strong and able, get your elbows off the table". Aren't we past the 3rd grade which means all grownups can get away with putting their elbows on the table? Even the President of the United States occasionally puts his elbows on the table.



Seriously, don't you think that changing the music, depending on the ethnicity of your customers, makes sense? Applebee's corporate office sure did agree. They thanked me and told me they would make that change right away. They even offered me a free meal for my suggestion, which I declined.



When I told the waitress that I was going to deduct 10% off her tip every time she called me "sweetie" or "baby", she stopped calling me these endearing terms as you like to call them.



But I digressed. Getting back to mannerisms in restaurants, I see that I am embarrassing you in public, which I would never do in a million years, so I will offer you two solutions: The first one is that we don't eat out at restaurants very often so I can stay at home and slop my gravy and eat certain foods as finger foods...or we can still go out to eat, but we'll sit at separate tables (so I won't embarrass you).

Of course that means separate checks which might be more detrimental to you than my bad manners.

Your choice " BABY."

He Said She Said - Where would you like to eat, Honey?

He Said

I already know the answer to this question but just for the sake of argument, let's break it down into parts: the first part is about who makes the decision. In a democratic society, one could take a vote. Of course if the parties are you and your significant other, the outcome will be one to one. Then what? Or you could agree that since I decided the last time, you get to choose this time but let's face it, we're OLD and our memories aren't what they used to be. ( Or is it my selective memory, again!) I pride myself on being a gentleman so I always ask you where you want to go. Since you're such a lady, you always say that anywhere I choose is fine with you. So I choose after twelve or fifteen times of ping-pong conversation and a half a tank of gas. Here's a good example. I tell you that I want barbecue and then you politely tell me that you're not in the mood for barbecue or I don't like that restaurant. "But you just told me that I could choose!", I retort. "Fine" you say quietly as you give in. The next thing I hear is "But I'm going back on my diet". Translation: You can eat there if you want to but since I don't like that place, I'll silently protest and refuse to eat. The subterfuge is telling you I'm on a diet. The other part of this question could be that whoever pays, chooses the restaurant. But if I always pay, then I always choose, and you always are on a diet. This would save me lots of money; however, I would be always eating alone. You would be sitting across from me but I would be feeling so guilty about you drinking water and smelling the bread, that I could never enjoy my meal. I guess the third part of this situation could be to just stay home and eat what you cook. The other angle here is that since we both work full time, why should you have to be the one to cook and clean? So I gallantly offer to cook dinner for you. The biggest problem of all is that I don't cook.

She Said

How convenient... you don't cook. Do you think I was born knowing how to boil water? You can read, can't you? You can follow directions, can't you? Opps...I almost forgot...most men don't ask for directions! You were beginning to sound somewhat rational until you veered off into your fantasy world. How many times have you cooked for me? If you did, what did you cook? Deviled eggs and lemon pie out of a box? Not on my diet! As a working mother who has always cooked breakfast, lunch, and dinner without complaining, I think you are blowing this "where to eat" thing all out of proportion. When you say "let's eat out" I just assume you are tired of my cooking or there is a new restaurant that you want to try out or you finally figured out that I work longer hours than you do and it would be nice to have a break from the dinner/dirty dishes routine. So let's break it down into parts as you say. If you're tired of my cooking, you can eat at your house, bring your own food over, or cook dinner for yourself. If you want to try a new restaurant, I'm game. Just tell me when, what time, etc., and take me there. Don't make such a big deal out of it. If you're planning to give me a break, that's GREAT! It will be greatly appreciated. I always knew how thoughtful you were and dinner out is a loving way to show it. To be honest with you, I don't really care where we eat or IF we eat out at all, except on special occasions. When you want to eat out, pick a place, pay for it, and then you'll be happy and I'll be happy. Remember, I don't have to have French Cuisine and Caviar every day especially since you're a meat and potatoes guy like most men. Besides, you eat out every day at lunch so dinner can't be but so important to you. Speaking of lunch, let's get back to the Danview cook. What's going on there?