Independence Day

He Said She Said July 2012 Independence Day

He Said

While having a conversation with a group of people
last month, one of the gentleman in the group
was scheduled to be in an upcoming wedding....his own.
One of the guys in our mixed crowd of men and women
went on to describe how much your life changes after
you get married. Now I know that marriage means different
things to different people. Men see life and marriage
one way and women see life and marriage another way.
We could debate this till the world ends. But I don't
have time allocated in this space to do that, so I will
just share with you how your life ends the way it has
been on the day you get married. This will not be
directed at everyone, because everyone is not the
same. But generally this is how it goes. One day you
are a free spirit. You get up , you do your thing,
you eat when you want, you change clothes , you don't
change clothes, you go to bed whatever time you wish,
you sit on the porch , you lay on the couch, you eat
what you want and so on and so on. The day you get
married you lose all of your freedom of choice. You
now have a partner in your decision making and you
have two choices. One is you continue to do what you
want as you always have and just suffer the consequences
or you open your life to someone else who now makes
all your decisions for you. What you wear, what you eat,
where you go, when you go, how long you stay and the
list goes on. Now let me just say this about my wife,
none of this happens in our marriage. This is just what
I hear happens in other marriages, not ours. Our
marriage is totally independent, always even keeled
and always in agreement with one another as long as
the moon and the stars are in alignment. So far they
have been in alignment for two years. For other people
though who are not as gentle, loving and caring as my
bride, I just wanted to let them know what to expect
when they get married. I need to go now,since I know
she wants me to drive her to the mall, Lowe's and
Wal-Mart today.

She Said

You are so full of yourself today. Reading what you
have written reminds me that marriage is a two way
street and what I, your wife, has had to give up. No,
wait a minute. Let me describe for you as you like
to say, what SOME women lose or gain when they get
married. Not me of course. What was a carefree life
of shopping, wearing what looked good, not what someone
else thought looked too provocative, watching what
TV shows you want to watch, going to see the kind of
movie that you wanted to see, buying the right type
of food that you want to eat is just some of the things
that women give up when they marry. Women do gain
things in a marriage though. They get to iron more
clothes, wash more dishes, cook more often, share
their paychecks, listen to boring stories, over and
over again, and hear complaints about everyone they
know from their husband. They get to listen about how
bad everyone drives, how the country is being run so
poorly, how life has treated them compared to their
friends, and the list just goes on and on. Women are
expected to clean the house, take out the garbage ,
mow the grass, wash both cars, and look pretty as a
picture when their husband arrives home from work.
They are expected to want to sit on the porch and
drink tea even though three bathrooms need cleaning
and the laundry needs to be done. This is just what
I have heard of course, I would never suggest that
this is the way our marriage is or has been. No, I
think in your mind all of the stars and moon are aligned
in order and our life is going pretty much like you
expected it to go. More that likely if you took a
survey 90% of the men would say life is good with
their wives. Why do they think that? Because we
let you drive us to the mall, Lowe's and Wal-Mart
and to you that is your good deed for the month and
you feel you have satisfied us completely. What
else could a woman want out of life? Right?

Mother's Day

May 2012

He Said

Getting Old. Getting Older. I knew this day was
coming and that's why I married you. I know how
you cared for and doted on your Mother.
All men should learn this one important fact.
If you want to judge how your wife is going to
be in the future, look at how she treats her
mother. Is she warm, kindhearted and more importantly,
does she take care of her mother's needs? This my
friend is an example of how she will be treating you
in the future. Getting back to you and this
age thing. Have you noticed that I don't hear as well?'
Have you noticed that I am constantly dropping things?
Have you noticed that I don't pick up my clothes
everyday? Wait a minute ,that is not old age, that is
just me being lazy and I have done that since I was a
teenager so that doesn't count. I know I don't complain
much, maybe a little whining from time to time, but I
swear, every joint in my body aches. I would say it is
from too much exercise, but you would say that's impossible,
because I never exercise. One day my shoulder aches, one
day my foot hurts, one day I have a tooth ache, the next
day I have pain in my elbow. Does everyone feel like
this at my age or is my body just falling apart in front
of me?
Why don't I ever hear you complain about these things?
All I hear you complain about is your weight and I have
justified that for myself by saying the scales must be
broken. That works for me. Anyway I am thanking you
before hand for your future endeavors as a nurse.

Keep up your strength, I'll need someone to push me
in my wheelchair around the mall on Mother's Day.

She Said

If I remember correctly, you were complaining about
pain and trying to get out of work in the eleventh grade.
You have never been one to jump up and down, participate
in sports, be outside longer than the time it takes for
you to go from the house to your car and back again. As
far as getting older, that's just a natural part of life
and it sure beats the alternative. I'll give you three
guesses as to how you look at it and the first two don't
count. You have been working towards this day since you
were a little kid. You are probably not physically tired,
just mentally tired from the challenge of figuring out
how to get out of work, how to get out of exercise, how
to stay out of sun, how to avoid doing anything that
constitutes making an effort. I think most of your"old
age pain" is in your head. My duties as a daughter
were no more harder than the duties as a mother to my
children. I took care of my mother because she took care
of me. I imagine it took your mother, your father, your
sister, and maybe several cousins to keep you on course.
You know if you get sick that I'll be the first one to
take care of you, nurture you, and help you however I can.
But be assured I'll also be the one to kick your behind
and get you back in gear. I know that you will hire someone
nice to watch over me while you read, go to movies, and
go out to eat. Will he look like Blake Shelton or Adam Levine?
This is just part of the pact that I knew existed when we got
married. But in all seriousness I, too, have watched how you
treat your Mother and your children. You are good about
calling your mother everyday, and visiting every
weekend and I think you do all of that not only because
you are responsible but because you truly love your mother
and your father. I know if I get sick in any way that you
will be there or send someone to take care of me
(either Blake or Adam...doesn't matter).