Who Are All These Men?

He Said She Said Showcase Magazine June 2012 – Who are all these Men?

He Said


Summer is upon us and suddenly I find myself coming home,
not to my sweet and loving wife but to a bunch of different
looking men who are going through the house measuring,
making suggestions, and in general trying to change
at least one thing in every room of the house. One day
I stopped one of them to find out just why he was there
and he proceeded to tell me that you had actually invited
him and all of his cronies to roam around. It was not just
one day in a given week, but on several days in a two
week span. I recalled that we had been taking more than
the usual number of trips to Lowe’s and Home Depot recently.
Since I don’t know how any of those things in home improvement
stores work anyway, I just follow you from department
to department, with my hands In my pocket because you told
me not to touch anything.
It seems to me that if they have all those trinket’s out on
the shelves, they are begging to be touched.

Why would anyone mind if I touched a hammer, or a light fixture?
I'm not going to use either one of them.

Getting back to the men in the house, I find that we are
getting ready to do a partial make over in the kitchen and
Lord knows what else in those other rooms. I asked one of
those workmen if his wife could cook and he said that she's
another Betty Crocker. So I asked him if I could go home
with him because one of the other men told me that our kitchen
would be closed for at least two weeks.

A MAN CAN STARVE TO DEATH IN TWO WEEIKS!


She Said

Looking at your physique, I doubt that you have to worry about
starving to death anytime soon. I think You have once again
embellished the truth to the max. I did ask a contractor to
come by and give me an estimate about some minor work in the
kitchen and you did happen to come home when he was here.
There is no surprising you, Inspector Gadget! One of the
workmen did come back another day to take some measurements
and bring me some tiles and paint colors to look over. As
far as taking you anywhere, especially one of the hardware
stores, it's like taking a seven year old. What’s this?
What does this do? Have you ever used one of these? Why is
this so small, or large, or long or whatever? You never
stop asking questions. That's why I have to sneak over to
Lowe’s just to be able to browse at my leisure without
having to explain how a hammer works. I would never take
you down the garden tool aisle because you would have to
touch every tool in there, and ask me a thousand questions
about what they are used for. This summer is a perfect
time for us to get some much needed changes done to the
kitchen and maybe a couple of other rooms while I am at it.

This should not inconvenience you too much since all you
do when you're not working is sit out on the
porch and read. You can still do that. As far as the
two week period when the kitchen is closed, I can
offer you several good options. One, order a Pizza and
have it delivered to the front porch. Two, bring something
to eat with you so you don’t starve. Third, go on a diet
and just eat apples every day for two weeks. You save
money, lose weight, and get fresh air, all in one fell swoop.

Don’t ever say I don’t take care of my man

Setting Me Up for the Fall - November 2011

He Said



Fall weather is finally here and most people are happy that the summer heat is over and winter is right around the corner. Everyone is happy except for me. I am hiding behind every nook and cranny from you because I know what is coming. You will start talking about the beautiful yellow and orange leaves on the trees in our yard. I will start cringing at the idea that someone is going to have to rake all of these bad boy leaves up and I just hope it isn't going to be me. You will start complaining about it getting dark earlier and you can't go for a walk around the block. I will look at you with my big old brown eyes as sad as a puppy dog, while my mind is thinking "yay, I get to keep her in the house with me." You will start asking me to go on Stubhub every night to find the cheapest prices on football tickets for next weeks' UVA game and I will go online to the weather station praying for a forecast of rain. You will start hinting about what everyone would like for Christmas and I will start complaining about how the bills are piling up. You will start whining about the grass getting dry and complaining because you didn't get to cut it all winter and I will be thanking God that I didn't have to hear the deafening noise of that lawnmower. It disturbs me while I'm sitting on the porch trying to read a good book, you know. You will be looking out of the picture window in the living room hoping that any day it will snow and I will be trying to find a good place to hide the snow shovel. Yes, we both love the fall and winter...BUT for very different reasons.





She Said

It's a good thing that opposites attract because that's about the most pessimistic paragraph I've ever read. But then, look who wrote it. I keep telling you that your glass should be half full instead of half empty but you don't believe me. I love the fact that we have four seasons, even though sometimes they melt into each other with little or no difference. By the time I'm tired of one season, the next one comes along. In the fall, there are so many events to look forward to. Beautiful leaves, fall festivals, craft shows and a new crop of students are just a few of the changes that occur each year. Yes, it gets dark earlier and I can't go on long walks as easily but I can still exercise at home and it also gives me time to work on my "bucket list" that you discussed in Sunday School one day. I know you don't particularly like attending sports' events but I do need to remind you that when you are at such an event, YOU DO NOT LIKE TO BE INTERRUPTED. (You have a one track mind). As far as Christmas goes, since we each have our own adult children, we do our own thing so that shouldn't give rise to "bills piling up". Now to the lawnmower...it's broken so you certainly won't have to listen to it any more. Maybe I should generate a quiz on what ever book you say you're reading now to prove that it's just possible that you're sleeping instead of reading and that's the real reason why the lawnmower disturbs you. Yes, I do have my nose pressed against the window hoping for snow though because it cleanses the universe, leaving an immaculate white coat over all of God's creations leaving behind a peaceful silence.