The Tail Wagging the Dog

He Said

As everyone knows the dog of the house has been a
bone of contention for some time.
(no pun intended)
I like the dog and the dog likes me. That's not
the problem. The problem is the tail wags
the dog in our house. The dog gets fed first
before the grown ups. The dog gets walked
every day and the dog gets taken outdoors to
do her business whenever she gives a little cough.
Did I happen to mention that the dog has taken two
obedience classes and flunked both of them?
She has diploma's from both schools, but they were
bought with hundreds of dollars because she attended
all classes..
Reminds me of these diploma mills that you see in
the back of magazine’s where you can be proficient
at watering the lawn and get a degree with a few bucks.
The dog is cute and all that but she has no manners, she
still jumps on everyone, urinates on the floor if a
stranger gets too close and still barks for attention.
How can you chase the burgulars away by wetting on them?
Do the burglars leave to change
clothes or because of the rancid odor? Maybe they
just get P.O'd (no pun intended again) and leave? We did
not train her as a watch dog, although she scares
the heck out of many birds and squirrels if they get
in her yard. I did run into the last trainer this
week and told her some of these concerns. I told her
that everything she had been taught in dog school
is gone and she has reverted back to her old ways.
She said why don't you let me have her for 3 weeks
and I'll get her straight. The problem is I don't
think she will go because she has to teach school,
but I do plan on asking her.


She Said

Real Cute! I cannot believe that you have stooped
this low to talk about my Sophie. She is the sweetest
dog in the world and I love her very much. I know
you think she is only a dog, but to me she is almost
like a child of mine. She kisses me, hugs me,
and looks into my eyes like she could eat me up.
Then you go and talk about her like she is a dog.
I will admit that I have been busy lately and haven't
had as much time as I would like to keep up her training.
For the most part she is well behaved, and
you must admit that last week when I took her
to the Vet for a sleepover, she was having a
blast standing up on the counter so she could help
wait on the customers. Didn't you think that
was cute? I HAVE to wait on her because I am the only
mother that she has. I think you are just
envious because I don't take you
for a walk, or pour chicken juice on your
food or buy you bones to chew on. You're
old enough to take care of yourself and your
mother lives close by in Greensboro. I am not
about to be your surrogate mother. Sophie on
the other hand needs me so I give her my attention
as I see fit. You need to get over your jealousy
concerning the dog or maybe you need to go take
obiedience classes for a few weeks. It is not
the tail wagging thedog at all but if I put a
Gentle Leader around your snout, will you shut up?

What's Your Sign?

He Said

In going over some of our past columns and reading
about all of your negative opinions about me,
I decided to do some research into just what
my problems are.. Finding the answer was not
easy. After hours of research, I think I
understand why you find me so different.
The answer is quite simple really, I AM A LIBRA.
Since you don’t believe in Sun Signs in Astrology
you wouldn’t understand what makes me tick.
Here is what I found. “ Libra’s have elegance,
charm, good taste, are naturally kind, very
gentle, and loves harmony ( both music and social living)
and the pleasures that these bring.
Libra’s are sensitive to the needs of others
and have a gift, almost a psychic ability to
understand the emotional needs of their companions.
They do their best to cooperate and
compromise with everyone around them. Even though
Libra’s are diplomatic, they enjoy
seeing things from other people’s point of view.
Libra’s have an outgoing nature and one of
their strengths are in communicating brilliant
ideas to people.They are rarely at a loss for
words… even on their worst day, they have the
gift of gab. Since Libra’s ruling planet is
Venus, which is a soft and gracious planet and
feminine by nature, it gives a
Libran a softer side. Libran’s do have some
negative traits, they are flirtatious, impatient of
routine, easy going to the point of inertia,
but are seldom angry unless cheated or they
become aware of dishonesty in their dealings.
Libra’s are also known as “lazy Libra” and
they dislike coarse dirty work. Most Libra’s are
writers, lawyers, artist, composers, critics,
interior designers and managers of public
entertainment.”
I hope you can appreciate my efforts in
discovering all these facts in my research
so you can
better understand what makes me the man that
I am. I was never really lazy or never tried to
get out of helping in the yard; I was just born a Libra.
　
　
　
　
　
She Said

Doing research to compensate for your “laziness”
or lack of energy to do anything around the
house is almost laughable. Just because you found
out you were a Libra does not excuse
you from taking out the garbage. This newest
lame brain attempt to bypass your
responsibilities as a man is about the lowest
I have ever seen you go. It sounds like being a
Libra is an excusable disease or something. You
are right though when you say I don’t
believe in Astrology or believe that Sun Signs
should guide us on life’s journey. To make you
happy, I am putting my answer in the same vernacular,
I did some research on my own
about Libra’s. I found that “Libran’s do not tolerate
argument from anyone who challenges
their opinions; once they have reached a conclusion,
it’s truth seems to them to be
self-evident, and their faults is an impatience
of criticism and a greed for approval.” That
pretty much sums up my definition of you as a Libra.
Once you have made your point, there
is no need for me or anyone else to disagree with you.
I also found that Libra’s, because
Venus is the planet of love, “seeks love in everything
they do, particularly in relationships."
Finding their soul mate is a big dream, perhaps
even the most significant life mission and
very few Libra’s find the peace and satisfaction
they are looking for until they have connected
with that special person." If Sun Signs determine
who we are, how do you explain the fact
that I'm the easy going one in our relationship and I'm a Scorpio?