She Said He Said-Venus and Mars etc.

She Said

Mars and Venus are alive and kicking in the Hill/Oldham relationship. Want proof? Check out the differences between men and women in "the world according to Dena."

It's a standing joke that men will drive up and down the same streets repeatedly all the while looking for the right house because the intended hostess said "We're in the directory" and Mr. Too-Proud-To-Ask-For directions decides to find it himself. A counterpoint would be that women always take too long "getting ready" and that's why we're always late. Well, we reserve the right to take longer getting ready to go out than men do. But that's because we have more details to attend to. A national survey showed that each 15 minutes it takes for a woman to get ready increases her chances of success by 6% (success at what wasn't clarified, but when you're my age, any success is welcomed!) Many men take 15 minutes from start to finish, so do the math. Sorry guys, you weren't included in the survey.

Because many of us gals work away from home we have double duty at night when its dinner time with dishes, laundry, homework, etc. While the women of the Baby Boomer Generation tried to do it all, the women of Generation X have learned from our mistakes. They're smarter than we were. They're demanding more equality in sharing household responsibilities when they, too, are putting in a hard day on the job.
Hats off to the men who willingly share household chores and why not? Contrary to popular belief, men, you won't get a hernia from picking up your socks. The worst thing that can happen is you'll make more time for togetherness as a couple, instead of singleness for pounding the remote control.

Speaking of remotes, why do men like to surf channels while commercials are on? How are we supposed to know what new products are on the market if we don't see them advertised? Men can single-handedly cause a collapse in free enterprise, if women don't know what to buy! These are the same men who can channel surf and keep score on three games at once, but who can't follow a conversation with their significant other while the TV is on thanks to their one-track minds. How many times have I heard "Don't talk to me while I'm watching TV!" Selective attentiveness.

Now about the toilet seat and the age-old question: up or down? I really don't care. It takes just as much effort to lower it as it does to raise it, so it really isn't a big deal to me. But why not show a little consideration and take turns with it after each person has used it? 50-50 is a good compromise.

However, 50-50 isn't such a good compromise when it comes to driving on trips. That's definitely a man's job. Women should just be pleasant companions who add levity to a dreary trip and point out beautiful sights along the way.

These little idiosyncrasies often end up with Mr. Mars pouting, so when your smiley face is turned upside down, why not just go back in your cave? If you're good, you can come out with Puxatawny Phil in February.


He Said

Miss Venus wants to talk about the differences between Men and Women. I'm game. Let me take them in order from the male perspective, or at least from this man's perspective.

Directions: In our case, usually Miss Venus has gotten the directions from her friends or family. Normally she has written the wrong street name, forgotten whether to turn left or right, or puts down 20 miles instead of 2 miles. If I stopped to ask someone, the directions would still be wrong because of incorrect initial information. Let's just say men can't win either way.

Getting ready: I say to Miss Venus how much time do you need to get ready? She answers, "not too long; maybe an hour." I sit and wait patiently wondering why the shower is still running 30 minutes later. She must be the reason for our present drought! Two hours later when I go to check on her progress, she is standing in front of the TV watching the rest of some previously recorded soap opera. If I don't go in and check on her and she comes out in two hours, I ask her, "What took so long?" She answers, "Bad Hair Day." Men can't win either way.

Household Duties: My mom and dad both worked everyday. They both also did the household duties. When I come in and ask if I can help, Miss Venus always says,
"Oh no, you go read the paper; dinner will be ready in a few minutes."
It's the same with mowing the yard. She says she would rather do it, because she cuts it a certain way.
In both of these instances, it's not that she doesn't want my help.
She just feels that I'm incapable of pleasing her the way she wants the job done.
Men can't win either way.

The thing about the remote. (This was the best one yet.) I can't remember the last time we went to a movie or watched TV when she did not fall asleep. I don't have a choice now. She must pass my test. As soon as she falls asleep, I put my hand up over her eyes about an inch from her face and hold it there for a minute. When I remove my hand, turn to her and ask, "Are you sleeping"? Her response is always the same. "I'm not sleeping." So flipping channels, watching racing, or whatever, really shouldn't matter to her. She'll be sleeping anyway and I'll get chastised for channel surfing. Men can't win either way.

The toilet seat we agree on. Today I'm putting a chart on the wall in front of the toilet. When you raise the seat, put a check by your name. When I raise the seat, I'll put a check by my name. We will each put $50 in the kitty and at the end of the month, whoever has the most check marks wins the kitty. To my knowledge no woman I have ever known has raised the toilet lid when finished, so maybe this time a man will finally come out on top....

And I thought that a man couldn't win.