No New Year Resolutions

He Said She Said January 2011 Showcase Magazine

He Said

January rolls around again and this means that it is
the start of a new year. Normally I would talk
about my New Years resolutions and all the things
that I hope to accomplish this year. But this year
I have decided not to do this. I am resolute in the
fact that last year was too busy. I don't even
remember what I said I was going to do so this year
I am just going to take it easy. My life is too
important for me to work so hard. I need to sit
back and relax and just take it easy this year.
Maybe I'll go on more vacations, read more, spend
more time with my friends and become more active
in fun things. I have just been concentrating this
last year on too many things for other people.
This year I need to concentrate more on me as the
old song goes. I need to make my life more
fulfilled with new ideas that I can do to make me
happy. Don't get me wrong, I want you to be happy
too, but the things that make you happy don't
always make me happy. For instance, you actually
enjoy cleaning the house, and working in the yard
makes your day, while I do not need to get dirty
or tired from hoeing the ground or sweeping the
roof, or whatever turns you on about the outside.
No, this year is going to be a big change for me.
I am going to make sure that I am happy every day,
sort of like you wanting to work outside or clean
inside; I am going to find something that I can
look forward to and get excited about. Right
now I'm excited about you getting me something
to eat and drink.

She Said

It would be redundant for me to try and even find
an answer to your ramblings. That whole contingency
of words didn't sound like anything but the same
old same old for you. You are always relaxing, you
are always reading, you are always talking about
taking trips, you are always talking about getting
together more with your friends. How about letting
me explain to you what I heard so you will understand
how the real world works and why you are so out
in left field. Let me preface this by saying that
I love you and this is only constructive information
for you to peruse and if you can justify my answers
your life will be more fulfilled, if that is what
you're trying to accomplish.
You need to get rid of Rent a Friends and try and
make some real friends of your own. You need to take
a horticulture class to learn the finer ways of
tilling the soil. Put your hands into the dirt,
feel the earth as God intended us to feel it.
You need to stop buying books. For one thing you
are out of room. You will never read all 7000
copies that you now own unless you commit a crime,
serve time and spend your remaining life in a jail cell.
I can give you a list of things that you need to
become more active in and the first would be taking
out the garbage or bringing the cans around when
you see them rolling down the street. You can help
me do the dishes after we eat, or you could even
take a food class and learn how to cook something
for us besides deviled eggs. Yes, with enough time
and space, I could give you a whole new world of
becoming active. But first I have to get you away
from the kitchen table, off the couch, and into
some new habits. Preferably helping me occasionally.

Still looking forward to the New Year? I didn't think so.

What Christmas means to me...you light up my life?

He Said


Christmas only comes once a year and as I look at

my calendar I notice that we are here. I love

Christmas. I love the sounds, the music, the

crisp air around us, the joy of giving, etcetera.

Now let me tell you the things that I dread the most:

too many people getting in my way in the stores

and on the roads.

I am a Christmas eve shopper and one thing that I

don't need is a bunch of last minute shoppers

getting in my way. Also, what is the deal with

everyone telling me what to get them? I should be

able to get them whatever I think they deserve.

Another thing I hate is that I have been seeing Christmas

decorations up in the stores since August. I

couldn't enjoy Halloween this year because of all

the Christmas carols being played throughout the stores.

Christmas cards were on sale at the dollar

store before I had even made out my Christmas

card list. For my friends out there thinking, that's funny,

I didn't receive a card from him last year, don't worry,

I didn't send any. I am just saying that if I was

going to send them, all those early card displays

would turn me off. I hate to get into a big deal about

this because I know what she will say but, we have

been a couple for 10 or 11 years now so here goes.

Every year, and I do mean every year, she puts white

lights on her tree, and white lights on her

door , and white lights on her mantle wreathe.

There are even white lights up and down her sidewalk so

it looks like an airport runway. I haven't said much

about it, but Christmas is not going to ever be Christmas

for me until I see some lights that are colorful. Red,

yellow, blue, orange, and green, colors is what Christmas

is really all about.

I need bright lights and colors. Don't get me wrong ,

I do believe in the Christian part of Christmas and

I do know the true meaning of Christmas; it's just

that all this other stuff takes away from my Christmas

spirit. I don't want to be bah humbug; however, I

am starting to feel like the spirit of Christmas past

and that is not right. I need prettier and more

colorful Christmas tree lights in my life.



She Said


I think colorful Christmas tree lights is the least

of your worries. I have already bought most of my

Christmas presents this year, including your present.

I have given you many hints throughout the year

about what I want Santa to bring me. With all of your

fussing and whining about why Christmas isn't fair to you,

I'm not sure you're listening to me. Maybe I should get

a GPS for you just to see if that is one female voice you

will listen to and follow directions precisely. Why not buy your

presents early when there is a better selection instead

of those loved ones on your Christmas list having

to settle for leftovers on Christmas Eve? That, alone,

is reason to avoid the last minute rush. Besides, if

your children and I don't give you a list, there's no

telling what we would get, given your eclectic taste.

I don't need an electric scarf that plays Christmas

carols and your children don't need a tie with

Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer with a blinking red nose.

As far as you not enjoying Halloween, you loved every

minute of driving the cart through Target

buying candy that was reduced. I didn't hear you

humming Christmas carols then; you were a man on a

mission. And Christmas cards.....I can guarantee you

that your friends will not receive a card from you

until the price of stamps goes down. Now lets talk

about white lights on MY tree, in MY house. Until

you walk me down the aisle and start paying MY electric

bills and buying MY tree decorations, you

can keep riding around town looking at other peoples'

yard decorations in color. I like MY white lights.

You said the colored lights are what you were used

to growing up...have you noticed that your mother

has all white lights this year? If you're the voice

of Christmas past, this is the voice of Christmas future,

if you know what I mean. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.