One Hot Puppy

He Said She Said July Showcase 2011

He Said

Let me just say in the beginning that I failed summer camp.
Life outdoors is just not my cup of tea.

Having said that I will now tell you a tale about the
hottest times of my life. I mean this literally.

You asked me to go to your son's graduation which I was
more than happy to do. You know that I am always supportive
of you and your children. What you failed to mention to me
or maybe I just did not comprehend at the moment, was that
this event was to be held OUTDOORS! It also was a complete
weekend of out doors events, like a cookout on Saturday,
and the event ALL DAY Sunday.

You might have mentioned that walking two hundred miles
from the parking garage to the grounds would also be outside,
with no tram or trolley to carry us. You might have
mentioned that the event would last for four hours but I
don't remember it. You might have mentioned that the second
event, which was two hours away, would also have to be ON FOOT.
You could not have known that the temperature would be in
the 150 degree range with no wind....Oh well, I survived.
The following weekend was your son's wedding and what a
beautiful occasion it was. Your wedding rehearsal dinner
was fantastic (also partially OUTSIDE). Everyone had a
great time except one. I'll give you a hint.

Your idea of having everyone gather by the lake for wine
and cheese was well received.

The only one complaining about the 90+ degree weather was me.
The wedding also was beautiful and for some reason I had
forgotten that it too was going to be OUTSIDE.

Now I am not complaining, (much) but that was two
RIDICULOUSLY HOT TIMES for me. I did all of that to
be a part of the family and enjoy all the festivities
and I don't regret it. But the third weekend of going
with you to Smith Mountain Lake with one of our classmates
was the straw that broke the camels back. We rode in our
friends' pontoon in 120 degree weather and you didn't even
notice that I was just a shadow of my former self.
I plan to spend the rest of the summer in air conditioned
comfort and I hope that you can join me. Don't forget
marriage is a give and take proposition and I will give
you anything you want if you'll let me stay indoors the
rest of the summer.

She Said

You always told me that life with you might not always be easy.
So far you have been right. But this time you have taken it to
the extreme. A couple of weekends outside in the heat didn't
kill you or make you sick and I'm becoming immune to your
whining. We can't predict the weather and yes it was
a tad hot but so far out of thousands of people at the
graduation and hundreds of people over the wedding weekend,
you have been the biggest whiner of all. I know you don't
like the warmth and rays of the sun like other normal people,
and if the temperature is over fifty five, you complain.
What I can't understand is why you want to go to the beach
every other weekend, and why you spend time looking on the
internet for deals on beachfront property, and why you are
always talking about buying a place at the beach. Just to
let you in on a little secret, the beach is HOT!. The beach
is always HOT!.

When we went to Smith Mountain Lake to meet our old friend
and go boating, you not only looked at two places to buy,
you also talked to one to the owners, long distant, and
told our friend you were going to the bank that week to see
about financial arrangements. ( Did I miss something or had
the sun taken its toll on you that day?) Did they air condition
the whole lake? If you're planning on buying a place for
the summer, and one of them came with a pontoon boat, I
suspect that you should rethink your idea of staying inside
all summer or think twice about buying a place at the beach or
lake. Both of them are OUTSIDE. You can't float a pontoon in
the house. As usual you are thinking sideways and all I can
say is you are one lucky man to have me guide you in your
illogical thinking. Matter of fact you should be happy that
I am willing to give you directions when you get sidetracked
from your normal pattern of living, especially if you're
serious about the lake or the beach.

You do good to find your way home after work...although
the air conditioner is probably like a siren beckoning you home..