Reeding, riting, arrittmet.......Math

He Said She Said Showcase November 2009

He Said

Here is the problem with dating a school teacher.

(Is here a proper noun?). I don't care what you

do or what you say, most of the time it is wrong.

(Is wrong an adverb or a noun?) She comes to me

and says I am calling that company that advertises

Suits on TV because they are using the wrong

verb,tense,adverb, or something on television.

This makes it more difficult to teach the children

in school when they are seeing it wrong on television.

(I don't think you should have used more in front

of difficult). The most frequent one is the usage of

“that” and “who”. One is for a person description

and the other is for a thing description.(or something

like that..or who). If this happened once or

twice I could understand. But this is almost daily.

I have purchased four dictionary's and two large

Thesaurus's(or Thesauruses,or Thesauruss') and a

minithesaurus to carry in my glove box so that I

will know when or how to use the correct word.

(or is it wording?) Please don't get me started on

the dangling participle(is that the correct spelling?)

because even though is has been explained to me

over and over I am still letting it hang. The number

of times that I have ended a sentence with a

preposition number into the thousands and I have

just got to learn how not to end a sentence with to.

(or some other form of a prep.) When I went to the

INTERNET and found that some of our old grammar

was forgotten and now readily accepted(like that and who)

she started going to other teachers to make

her case. I will just have to keep trying to do

my best to speak the King's language like I was taught,

and please do not remind her about math. I don't

have time to get into all that. Let's just hope that

the current stays on in the retail stores, in case

one of the clerks has to make change.



She Said

When we were in high school the teacher ask me if I

would help tutor you in English so that you

could get your F up to a D minus. I did help you,

you did pass the English exam, and here it is almost

fifty years later and I am still having to tutor you.

Does this job ever end ? Don't get me wrong. I only

want to make you sound better in public when you are

making up words, using the wrong pronoun or

noun, using the wrong verb tense, slaughtering the

English language, and embarrassing me at every

event. Don't you want to be known as the person

with a strong vocabulary? The eloquent speaker

admired by your so called Posse”( I hate that term).

No, in reality, you probably do not care either

way. You just enjoy hearing the sound of your voice,

the knowledge that no matter what you say you

are always right, and that other people are standing

in line to hear what words of wisdom are going

to be coming forth from your mouth. After all these

years I should just give up and let you continue

to make a fool of yourself. However, as a teacher

it is my job to make sure that all that I teach learn

the fundamentals of grammar, spelling, verb tenses,

and yes, sometimes even math. Do I always

succeed ? I would say that you are a shining example of that answer.

Birthday Challenges

He Said

October is birthday month for both of us.. She usually gives me
subtle hints like “ That blue dress at Kohl's is nice.”, or
“Oh dear, my perfume is almost empty”. This year she just came
up to me and said I know what we should give each other for
our birthday's. Uh oh, I smell trouble coming. Being the
gentleman that I am, I politely ask her, “ What did you have
in mind, honey?” “How about we give each other a gift that we
both can enjoy this year and every year”. I am thinking a
new car, a La-Z-Boy recliner, or a years supply of ice cream.
The good stuff that we could enjoy together. “I think we
should give each other passports for our birthday”, she said.
Trouble! I'm thinking of spending $25 maybe $50 at the most.
“How much are they?” I ask. “Somewhere around one hundred dollars”
she said. I'm thinking that I can't eat them and they are
going to cost me way more than a hundred bucks with a trip out
of the country. Is this possibly a Christmas present hint?
” Wouldn't we be suspected of being terrorist's if we applied
for a passport?” I ask. “No, not if we just went to Canada
(or Paris or Italy), she said under her breath”. Oh that's
right, I just remembered, they don't have terrorist's in
these country's, just in the United States. You'll be reading
in the future, THE ADVENTURES OF COUNTRY COMES TO TOWN when
the beautiful SHE adorns his side in all the European papers.
What happened to a pair of slippers or a new neck tie for our
birthday gifts? ME in Paris???? France would never be the
same and they would more than likely confiscate the passport
and then another birthday gift would have been wasted.


She Said

Honestly, I try and add a little pizazz to our lives, think
outside of the box, change our hum drum lives, and like good
Presbyterians, his first reaction is CHANGE? We went to Canada
a few years ago and didn't need a Passport. Today a passport is
necessary to get back into the United States from just about
any country. We might not need passports, but just in case we do,
I thought it would be a great gift idea since most gifts I've
given you are still in the boxes. This would be a pragmatic gift,
something that we can share together, AND maybe take a trip in
the future (when we get a good deal of course). Passports take
about six weeks or more to arrive and I just thought that we
should apply now and have them in case we want to go abroad.
He sure knows how to ruin a girl's idea of fun. I already have
slippers ( probably 3 or more pairs from past birthday's)
so I don't need more slippers. He doesn't wear ties except to
church and he has a blue million in his closet. As far as he
or I being suspected of being a terrorist's, they would more
than likely suspect my standard poodle, Sophie, before they
would suspect us. Sophie has a ferocious bark, is larger than
a normal poodle, and has sharp looking teeth. No, I think he
just wants to get out of spending the hundred dollars because
he is cheap and is afraid he will have no excuse to leave
the country if he has a passport. Good thing we don't need
a passport to get into Myrtle Beach or we would have had
one years ago. Happy Birthday to my favorite terrorist. (lol).