Kisses and Ice Cream

March 2011 Showcase Magazine

He Said

First of all let me say that “Yes I am happily married”.
Secondly let me say that you and I do not know each other
as well as we thought we did. After coming in third in
our attempt to play the “Newlywed Game” , it is obvious
that life as we know it is not life as we know it.
When I was asked who you most reminded me of and the
choices were Doris Day or Elizabeth Taylor , to me this
was a no brainer. You are classy, beautiful looking, and
have the grace of Elizabeth. Your answer was Doris Day.
I do have to give you credit though. When they ask
me what I thought you would say to the question ,”what
does Larry have too much of”? And you answered “Charisma”,
I thought that was a great answer thank you very much.
Now what I am going to suggest is that we sit down one day
and just go over all the answers that we may be ask if
we ever play the Newlywed Game again. Not that we ever
will mind you, it is just a way to be prepared. Sort of
like the Boy Scouts...always prepared. This should not
take too long as we can go back over the years we have
been writing this column and find most of the answers.
I knew when we started the game that we never agree on
anything so we probably would lose and we did. I think
of us as being winners in so many other ways that it
did not bother me to lose. We did get a gift card to
Stone Cold Creamery and I did get two kisses while we
were playing.
Ice Cream and Kisses....life don't get too much better than this.

She Said

Now I know why I love you so much. I don't want to call
you simple, but when all it takes to satisfy a man is
Ice Cream and Kisses, my role as a wife is going to be
pretty easy. Then reality strikes me and I remember you
are going to come home from work and ask me “what is for
supper”, I am going to have to bring the trash cans from
the front to the back because even though you parked in
the driveway, probably had to get out of your car to
move the trash cans, and still could not remember to
bring them around to the back. I will start to remember
all the times I will have to wash your clothes ,fold them,
put them in your drawers, and hang up fresh towels in the
bathroom for you when you shower. I will have to go to
the grocery store and buy the food, and then tote them
home and put them up in the cabinets. I will have to
wash all the dishes and put them up in the cabinets so
I will have clean dishes in the morning to fix your
breakfast. I will have to vacuum and dust the furniture
so the house is clean when your mother comes to visit.
I will do all of this , plus mow the yard, because I
chose to marry the man of my dreams who I can feed ice
cream to and give an occasional kiss. I would say I
am one of the luckiest girls in the world because you
chose me to do all these things for you.
You better be glad I like kissing and Ice cream.

The Big Bang Theory

He Said She Said July Showcase Magazine 2010

He Said

The month of July to me usually means food at mom's

house, watermelon, homemade ice cream,

hot dogs, the American Flag, and sometimes patriotic

speeches.

To you it only means one thing. The height of your

year means fireworks on the 4th of July....all night

long. You want to leave one display and hit the road

searching for another one. I love you and all that;

I would do anything for you and you must admit I usually do.

As you know, I always go to the fireworks displays, just

to please you. Just so you know...I never enjoy them.

I remember last year I took a book and a flashlight.

What do you get out of it? It is loud. It makes you

craine your neck all night and I keep hearing the same

phrase : "that one is pretty, this one was not a pretty

as the last one, oh, did you see how spectacular that

one was, and oh, I just loved that one." How am I

suppose to read my book with you asking or telling me a

play by play of the fireworks. I personally think fireworks

are too expensive, offer no social redeeming value, and the

noise renders my hearing mute for two days. The people

beside us are talking too loudly, oohing and ahhing all night,

their dog is barking or yelping, their

children are crying, screaming, or asking for something

to drink all night long. I am as patriotic

as the next guy, but this year instead of going to see

the fireworks let's just go bowling. If there is

going to be noise, it might as well be those bowling

pins crashing down where we can at least hear

loud noises while sitting in a air conditioned lounge.

We can wear those patriotic t-shirts you bought us

last year and play country patriotic songs on the jukebox.

I know these words are futile. I know we don't bowl.

I know we will be sitting on a blanket on some

dark hill, craining my neck, shooing away flies, sweat

pouring down my face, my rear end completely

numb, my throat parched, my eardrums busted, and my

head throbbing.

Oh well, when you turn to me and ask " are you having fun?"

I will just smile at you and say," Oh, did you see how

pretty that one was."

　

She Said

You are so full of it! If I had any idea that I've

been dragging you kicking and screeming to fireworks'

displays, I'd have left you at home. You're a people

person and can't wait to mix with a crowd just for

the social aspects. Half of the time you don't even

know there are fireworks going on because I can't

hear them over the sound of your voice talking with

whoever is beside you. For arguments' sake, let's

just say you do know it's July 4th. I really don't

think our forefathers were focused on hot dogs,

ice cream, watermelon, or mosquitos. They had more

important events planned. I'm having a hard time

picturing Abraham Lincoln complaining about no

air conditioning while swatting flies that are

consuming his hot dog! We're talking about a

man who was for the most part self educated by

light from a fireplace. He had several failed

jobs before entering the political arena but

he pursued his dream of making the world a better

place for future generations. So for July 4th,

why not thank our forefathers for leading us to

where we are today instead of whining about a

little noise that comes from a few fireworks.

You should be ashamed of yourself!