One Hot Puppy

He Said She Said July Showcase 2011

He Said

Let me just say in the beginning that I failed summer camp.
Life outdoors is just not my cup of tea.

Having said that I will now tell you a tale about the
hottest times of my life. I mean this literally.

You asked me to go to your son's graduation which I was
more than happy to do. You know that I am always supportive
of you and your children. What you failed to mention to me
or maybe I just did not comprehend at the moment, was that
this event was to be held OUTDOORS! It also was a complete
weekend of out doors events, like a cookout on Saturday,
and the event ALL DAY Sunday.

You might have mentioned that walking two hundred miles
from the parking garage to the grounds would also be outside,
with no tram or trolley to carry us. You might have
mentioned that the event would last for four hours but I
don't remember it. You might have mentioned that the second
event, which was two hours away, would also have to be ON FOOT.
You could not have known that the temperature would be in
the 150 degree range with no wind....Oh well, I survived.
The following weekend was your son's wedding and what a
beautiful occasion it was. Your wedding rehearsal dinner
was fantastic (also partially OUTSIDE). Everyone had a
great time except one. I'll give you a hint.

Your idea of having everyone gather by the lake for wine
and cheese was well received.

The only one complaining about the 90+ degree weather was me.
The wedding also was beautiful and for some reason I had
forgotten that it too was going to be OUTSIDE.

Now I am not complaining, (much) but that was two
RIDICULOUSLY HOT TIMES for me. I did all of that to
be a part of the family and enjoy all the festivities
and I don't regret it. But the third weekend of going
with you to Smith Mountain Lake with one of our classmates
was the straw that broke the camels back. We rode in our
friends' pontoon in 120 degree weather and you didn't even
notice that I was just a shadow of my former self.
I plan to spend the rest of the summer in air conditioned
comfort and I hope that you can join me. Don't forget
marriage is a give and take proposition and I will give
you anything you want if you'll let me stay indoors the
rest of the summer.

She Said

You always told me that life with you might not always be easy.
So far you have been right. But this time you have taken it to
the extreme. A couple of weekends outside in the heat didn't
kill you or make you sick and I'm becoming immune to your
whining. We can't predict the weather and yes it was
a tad hot but so far out of thousands of people at the
graduation and hundreds of people over the wedding weekend,
you have been the biggest whiner of all. I know you don't
like the warmth and rays of the sun like other normal people,
and if the temperature is over fifty five, you complain.
What I can't understand is why you want to go to the beach
every other weekend, and why you spend time looking on the
internet for deals on beachfront property, and why you are
always talking about buying a place at the beach. Just to
let you in on a little secret, the beach is HOT!. The beach
is always HOT!.

When we went to Smith Mountain Lake to meet our old friend
and go boating, you not only looked at two places to buy,
you also talked to one to the owners, long distant, and
told our friend you were going to the bank that week to see
about financial arrangements. ( Did I miss something or had
the sun taken its toll on you that day?) Did they air condition
the whole lake? If you're planning on buying a place for
the summer, and one of them came with a pontoon boat, I
suspect that you should rethink your idea of staying inside
all summer or think twice about buying a place at the beach or
lake. Both of them are OUTSIDE. You can't float a pontoon in
the house. As usual you are thinking sideways and all I can
say is you are one lucky man to have me guide you in your
illogical thinking. Matter of fact you should be happy that
I am willing to give you directions when you get sidetracked
from your normal pattern of living, especially if you're
serious about the lake or the beach.

You do good to find your way home after work...although
the air conditioner is probably like a siren beckoning you home..

How to Please a woman

He Said


April is here and as you know with April comes
the honeydew list. We have talked about this
before and this year will be no different. I
am not going through the litany of every chore
that will need to be done around the house and
throughout the house. Go back to last spring
or the spring before and you'll see what I mean.
I'm trying to think of a new way this year to
get you to think outside the box. What if we
didn't do the same old things like cut the
grass or paint the living room? What if we
did something more exciting with our lives
this year? As a couple we only have a certain
amount of time to share together in our lifetime.
Why not make an exception this year and try
something new? The trick is going to be making
it so attractive that you will buy right into
it without objection. Taking you on a cruise
would be easy, you would fall for that because
it would be fun, but that would only be for one
week, two at the most. This new idea has to be
a whole summer of joy so intense that you would
forget all about the honeydew list and things
that need to be accomplished around the house.
It seems like the goal has to be to get you to
stop thinking about a chore list and start
thinking about ways to make me happy.If you are
spending all of your time satisfying me, you will
have no time left to spend on chores. The problem
is simple. I'll buy you a new house, so there is
nothing to clean or fix up. I will buy you a new
car so you will want to drive everywhere on vacation
(shopping!) I will buy you all new furniture and
appliances so you don't have to worry about repairs.
I'll buy you a whole new wardrobe so you don't have
to worry about clothes. On second thought I don't
think you would be dumb enough to fall for this.
You would see right through me. The good news is:
I just saved a ton of money!


She Said


It's ironic how similar our life's goals were when
we started dating twelve years ago. We talked about
sitting on the porch in rocking chairs and
growing old together. Three of our five children
were nearly grown and the other two were well
on their way. But as the years passed by all too
quickly, plans evolved in different directions.
You want to retire (someday) in Myrtle Beach
and I don't. The oceans' rushing waves remind
me that life is rushing by also and I picture
myself relaxing by a lazy river setting instead.
I plan on working as long as I can because too
many of our friends have passed away shortly after
retiring. I'll always have a project going on
because I don't stay idle very well. I like seeing
the fruits of my labor which is why I don't
mind housework, painting, cooking, etc. You have
an extraordinary talent as an artist and you
choose to waste it instead of drawing, painting,
etc. Wouldn't it be nice to have your work
hanging on the walls rather than art done by
someone we've never heard of? So I'll make a
promise to you that I won't ask you to do one
thing around the house this spring if you'll
make a promise to me...spend some time this
summer sitting at your easel and painting
so I can hang it up ...after I get the living
room redecorated.

What is True Love ?

He Said


You might remember in the December issue we talked

about Christmas and what Christmas means to both of us.

My main concern was that there were not enough color

lights in my world at this time of the year. Since

she always decorates with white lights every year,

I had sort of lost touch with the excitement of

Christmas trees being decorated with color lights.

How exactly does all of this relate to true love?

Let me share a story with you and then you can

judge whether this is the definite definition of

true love. Right after we finished the column for

December I left to go to a meeting. This was at night.

Now I had complained fairly strongly, as I am apt

to do sometimes, about the white lights vs colored

lights problem. When I arrived back at her house

later that night, she had put up another Christmas

tree and decorated it with colored lights and all

of the trimmings just for me. (She already had a

7 foot tree decorated with white lights in the living room).

This is what I call going the extra mile, without a

hint to me, without me asking or badgering her into

doing it. She did this to please me. She did this

because she loves me and wanted to make me happy.

This is one way to prove to someone how much you

love them. To her I say, Happy Valentine's Day and I love you.


She Said


Now you know why I put up with him. Wasn't that just

the sweetest thing for him to do?

( Expressing his love to me publicly in our column).

He could have just as easily complained about the

gifts that I gave him for Christmas. (One of which

was a GPS with a female voice for those who are keeping score).

I wanted to see if there was another female voice

he would listen to besides his mothers') I laughed

all the way to the cashier just thinking about the

double entendre: Larry following driving directions

while listening to a female voice! As far as the

extra tree goes, I had an extra one with plenty of

decorations so why not use it instead of letting it

collect dust in the basement. It sure beat listening

to him whine about not having colored lights.

Seriously, I did want to please him. I wanted to

surprise him. It certainly did those things

and he was exceedingly glad. It was a nice touch

to the house and made me realize that he needs

or wants certain things in his life, that maybe

I would not choose, but makes him happy. As all

couples know when both of you are happy life is

so much easier. Of course this doesn't mean he

will help more around the house, that he will

help take down the tree, wash more dishes, or

even cut the yard this spring. However, for the

month of December all was bliss, we got to see

all our children, we ate more than we ever needed,

we saw both of our parents, went to Virginia Beach

and Myrtle Beach,and had two trees that we both

enjoyed. To us, that's what relationships and

holidays are all about. I still need a dryer,

but he is not pushing the pre-nup as much;

and he got color lights on a Christmas

tree this year. Life is good.